I Can Do Nothing, Nothing at All

You can change the outcome if you give your all, but sometimes you just can’t

Can you do something? Not in this case

You always try to change the outcome Not today

What if? … You begin to ask What if you had done this? What if you had done that?

But there is nothing you can do You start to feel anxious

Is this anxiety? You don’t even know

You feel anxious Anxious because of the possibilities Endless possibilities you cannot direct

You start to think Overthinking is what you are doing

What if this happens? What about that? No matter what you do The outcome will not change

Everything is in doubt You start to cry It’s hard to breath

What is this? I have never felt this way

I let my emotions burst out I have learned that it is better to do so To let them flow than to squish them underneath

I hope I will never feel like this again I hope no one does

Getting to know your emotions is strange Strange but it’s a necessity

I think I first felt anxiety a few months back, or well… I think. I had never felt that way, it was totally different. It all started when a friend told me that her Dad had been battling COVID for over three weeks now. He had passed through many surgeries already but there was still hope.

I called my friend almost daily to see if she wanted to talk or for her to just burst everything out. I knew it was a difficult situation since I had already been through something similar.

Then another week passed, unfortunately, her Dad died. She was torn, anyone would be. One of her loved ones had left her. That same day, another friend contacted me. The worst had happened to her too. Her Mom had passed away also from COVID. Of course, she was devastated but I could see that she wanted to be strong.

When I heard that news, it was enough to send me to my knees. I thought the worse and I thought that my Mom could be the next. I cried, screamed, and I got so emotional.

I imagined the worst scenario. I began to hyperventilate. There have been many cases around us, and because of that, we started to have extreme precautions. But even though, I imagined the worst scenario.

My family is a big part of me. They help me thrive and always push me to go ahead of my expectations. I love them so much. I know that it will eventually happen, they will leave or even I will do so, but you can’t even prepare for it.

I eventually calmed down and had a talk with my friends and even with my Mom. It was the first time I experienced this. I hope no one does. Please continue to take care of yourself and of others. This battle is yet to end.

This poem was inspired by the following prompt by Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她):

I’m also tagging other fellow writers from The Brain is a Noodle. Niru | Obinna Uruakpa | Betsy Denson | Luke DeLalio | Rachella Angel Page Abbey Streett Hope you also get inspired and share what can make you anxious or as Lucy wrote, give you the sweats.

Thank you for reading this burst of emotions! If you like short forms, poems, essays, and all types of writings, I invite you to check out my profile Sharing Randomly.