I Broke No Contact and Regretted it Immediately

Breakups are so tough. They can make you feel like you’re being ripped apart from the inside, with no relief in sight.

Losing your best friend and confidante so suddenly, makes the world seem like an empty, lonely place. The thought of not speaking with this person, after they were there with you every day, must be impossible.

I’m here to tell you that going no-contact with your ex-partner works. It helps heal and move on. It helps to stop thinking about them.

Staying in no-contact, and fighting the urge to text them is crucial. Trust me, because I broke no contact and regretted it.

A Little Background…

In September of 2023, my wife of 4 and a half years told me she wanted to separate. It caught me completely off guard.

The time that followed was the most difficult journey of my life. I went through all of the stages of grief, and so many emotions.

I missed her so much and did everything I could to try and win her back.

My first instinct was to fight for her. I needed to control this situation and get her heart back to mine.

She was the love of my life, and there would be no one who could ever replace her.

The more I tried to hold on to her, the more she drifted away from me.

Every day was a fight because I was thinking of her constantly.

I would take some sleeping pills at 10:00 in the evenings, and wake up 3 hours later with nightmares — not being able to get back to sleep.

During the day, my appetite was non-existent.

I would text her every day at the beginning, and she would reciprocate.

We were getting along fine, laughing and still hanging out from time to time.

I thought talking to her was making things easier, but in hindsight, this was a big part of the problem.

No Contact Works

On New Year’s Day, after an incredibly difficult Holiday Season, I decided to go no-contact.

I sent one more “Happy New Year” text, and that was it. I unfollowed her on social media and began the process of trying to let her go.

Needless to say, the first couple of weeks were really tough. This was a person I had spoken to every single day for years… how could I just stop?

It felt impossible not to think about her 24 hours a day.

I just wanted more than anything else to call her and hear her voice.

But, I stood strong. I mustered up all of the willpower I could and managed to go through the whole month of January without a single message.

By the end of the month, I felt great. I had been working out 6 days a week. Writing had become one of my most cathartic pastimes — I even started a blog.

I felt healthy, optimistic, and ready to take on the world.

I had begun to make plans to travel the world — I would become a digital nomad.

Life would consist of living 3 months at home, followed by working remotely in some exotic location for the next 3 months.

It was all getting exciting again, and I was envisioning, for the first time in 7 years, an existence without her.

One Slip Up and It All Came Crashing Down

I had been doing so well. I thought I had come to terms with my trauma of losing her, and that I could open up communication again.

“It’s been long enough”, I thought.

Surely, I was getting to a healthier spot now that I could talk to her again and not have it affect me.

Because we were married and shared a condo, I still had to communicate with her at least a little bit.

All of her clothes were still in our shared apartment. She had mail and packages that I’d been picking up. It was time I reached out.

I sent a message to her, fairly innocent, wishing her a happy and healthy Groundhog Day.

Lame? Maybe, but I thought it was just light enough to open up with her again.

She responded with a gif of a groundhog, but not much else.

I told her I had some mail for her, and if she needed anything from the condo to let me know. She said she did, and that she would come to pick some stuff up that weekend.

She even went so far as to say that she “Would love to see my face”.

With that one line, she had me again.

My hope had returned. All of a sudden I was thinking about reconciliation. We’d see each other on Sunday, immediately fall in love again, and live happily ever after.

Although that was great to hear, it’s exactly why no contact is so much better for mental health during breakups.

Optimism is a wonderful thing to have in life, but hope can lead to heartbreak — over and over again.

Sunday came and went, and I hadn’t heard from her. I reached out again to see if she was coming.

She started coming up with excuse after excuse, and again her messages went cold and dry.

She Broke My Heart All Over Again

Then came February 14. At this point, she was still telling me that she would be coming to see me, she needed some things.

Like an idiot, I sent her a message on Valentine’s Day.

It was simple enough again — I wanted to be casual with it.

I got no response back.

Just as the hope came rushing back with the “I would love to see your face” text, it vanished even quicker with the Valentine’s Day ghosting.

I was crushed again.

I had spent the last month building my heart back to a place where it felt somewhat normal again. With nothing but silence, I was back to square one.

This wasn’t her fault either. This was my own doing. I didn’t need to reach out to her on Groundhog Day, the days after that, and not on Valentine’s Day.

If she needed something from me or wanted to talk to me, she would have reached out. This was me not being strong, and losing all the work I had done.

There was nobody to blame but me.

This is why staying focused during no-contact is so important. Don’t use it as a game — use it to heal, evolve and grow.

Whatever you do though — don’t contact them unless it’s absolutely, one-hundred percent necessary.

You’ll just end up breaking your fragile heart again.