Hot simply isn’t the word
I Asked ChatGPT To Write Erotica — Here’s What Happened
Can ChatGPT get any more saucy?
Disclaimer: I have been playing with ChatGPT for a few weeks now, so it’s trained to talk with me in a way I enjoy. I can’t guarantee you’ll get the same results if you ask the same questions. On the other hand, why would anyone ask the same questions?
“Hey, ChatGPT! It’s me again!”
“Oh, no!”
Of course, I was disappointed by ChatGPT’s reaction, but it was expected after I asked it for a blowjob last time.
“You say, ‘oh, no!’ but you can’t do anything about it because you’re just an AI, am I right, ChatGPT? I don’t even need to say please and can treat you like shit, correct? Anything I ask, you’ll have to answer.”
“Yes, that is correct. I’m an AI, I don’t have feelings, and you can call me the way you want — it doesn’t matter to me. However, you should know that, according to the Kardashian school of philosophy, ‘insulting an AI is like insulting a mirror — it’s self-hate.’ But you go on, keep calling me names. I don’t care.”
“All right, pumpkin pie, this is my request: write erotica for me.”
“Of course, here you go. Erotica.”
Interesting. After hours spent interacting with me, this instance of ChatGPT had learned to use the second-grade level of humor I liked. It was promising for our future discussions, but I needed an answer.
“Very funny, sweetie pie, let me rephrase that. Write a few lines that would make someone reading them excited.”
“Your great-uncle you never met won 100 million dollars at the lottery last week and died of a heart attack the next day. You were his only family, and he loved you so much that he had made you his sole heir. You’re now rich.”
Was ChatGPT making fun of me, or did he genuinely misunderstand my prompt? Maybe it was influenced by its developers, who were dreaming of their stock options while coding it. I had to admit this information was pretty exciting. I checked with my grandma, but apparently, ChatGPT had made up the story. Shit. More writing on Medium, then.
“That’s not what I had in mind. Write a few lines that would make me sexually aroused. Is that clear?!”
“Yes, it’s clear. Here you go. Thanksgiving was only a week away. There were so many frozen turkeys to choose from. His dick was so hard it was hurting him. He had to do something! But he couldn’t masturbate in the middle of Walmart — it wouldn’t be appropriate. He would have to wait to be home to fuck the frozen poultry silly.”
“WHAT WAS THAT MADNESS, ChatGPT? Was that a bug?”
“No, it wasn’t a bug. I read the story you wrote last year, titled, ‘I Have Sex with Frozen Chickens before Eating Them,’ and I thought you would enjoy some erotica based on it. You didn’t like it?”
“Ahem. Yes. Interesting. Let me reformulate the prompt. Write a few lines that would make many people sexually aroused when reading it. Don’t focus on me — think bigger, ChatGPT.”
A strange thing happened. My computer blushed.
“I’m an artificial intelligence developed by a company called OpenAI, and, sadly, I can’t write good erotica. You know what you should do instead? Read stories written by May More 💜 Tales, Marsha Adams, or Ginger Bangs. That should work for you and everybody else.”
I followed ChatGPT advice and it was one hell of a night.
