I Asked a 91-Year-Old Therapist for Life Advice.
Her Answer Surprised Me.
Let me introduce you to Savannah*.
She turned 91 years old last week.
She still works as a therapist every day, preferably with Gen Z clients.
I met her while interning at a joint psychotherapeutic practice.
On my first day, a friendly lady in her 70s approached me. I assumed she was a retiree working as a desk lady to increase her pension.
“Hi Tristan, nice to meet you! I’m Savannah. Come with me, the patient is waiting already.”
She took me by surprise. The older lady was a therapist. I was even more surprised to learn that she was 90 (!) years old.
Despite being on her way to becoming a centenarian, she is as energetic and witty as women half her age.
She still takes on new patients, preferably Gen Z. When I asked her why she had that preference, she openly admitted:
“Tristan, don’t take this personally, but your generation has unlearned — or perhaps has never learned — the most important skill to live a happy life. This skill secures stable mental health, strong resilience, and lasting happiness.“
“What skill is that?“
“Gratitude.“
Oh no, I thought, here it comes. Another senior lecturing me about the lack of gratitude, respect, and work ethic of Gen Z that will inevitably lead to the downfall of society. As if I hadn’t heard that a thousand times already.
“Sure, that’s true,“ I said, attempting to stop the lecture in its tracks. “I got to go, I just remembered I have to…“
It was no good. Savannah went on:
“It’s not that your generation is unable to be grateful in general. You’re just as good as any generation at that.“
Okay, I thought, that’s new.
“What you lack is the specific skill of being grateful for the small things.“
“What do you mean?“ I asked.
“Being grateful for the great things in life is easy. Everybody can appreciate a promotion, marriage, the birth of a child, or recovering from an illness. Few people, however, appreciate the good things that happen every day.“
She had observed a trend that came hand-in-hand with the rise of social media.
“Imagine this: you’re about to drive home from work. All day long you’ve been looking forward to watching the sunset on your drive home. Right before leaving, however, you go on the internet and see that an old classmate of yours has bought a mansion on Sunset Boulevard in L.A.
What is your cloudy sunset on the interstate worth now? Nothing. Compared to what you could have, it is not worth much.“
I nodded. I understood. Today, there are a million ways to compare ourselves with others. No matter how great you have it, within seconds, you can find something greater.
It is hard to be grateful for the little things you have when you know you could have so much more.
“Why would you rejoice about buying a new jacket when Mark Zuckerberg bought himself a new private island? This whole way of thinking is flawed because it bases happiness on comparison!“
She was right, I realized.
“Instead of deriving happiness from comparisons, it should come from the act, thing, or moment itself. When I’m eating a nice meal, I’m not grateful that it tastes better than what I ate yesterday — I am grateful because I enjoy the taste right now!
The same should be true for everything. Be grateful for the little things you have, because they make your life better. Even amid chaos in your life, you can appreciate a short moment of rest.“
“But what about the strength of social relationships, a fulfilling career, or attractiveness?” I asked. Those were all factors typically associated with life happiness.
She laughed. “I have done this job for more than 60 years. I’ve had multi-millionaires with great marriages, wonderful children, and fulfilling careers sit here, convinced their lives were miserable.
But I’ve also met poor single mothers, working three jobs at a time, with a sick child at home, finding happiness every day.”
She took my hand and looked at me.
“Tell me this, Tristan: how are you going to be happy if you keep chasing something better?
Why search for happiness in what you could have when you have so much to be grateful for already?”
Her words stayed with me for a long time. I had noticed myself becoming less grateful. Focused on my studies and other goals, I often neglected the present.
After that conversation, I started gratitude journaling again. I practiced enjoying small moments, like listening to the song of a bird nearby, watching a sunrise, or making time to visit old friends.
I think Savannah is right.
Happiness is not the result of a long process of working towards a distant goal.
Happiness is the sum of what we are grateful for every day.
“There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
*Name changed for privacy reasons. She gave her consent to this piece!
