I Am Too Jealous to Try Polyamory

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ren’t infringing upon their happiness, there shouldn’t be an issue.”</p><p id="7b37">The same goes for people in LGBTQ relationships, biracial relationships, May-December relationships, and dominant and submissive relationships. <b>If people are happy — <i>great! If people are unhappy — join the club! </i></b>I am far too busy with my own personal matters to judge <b><i>anyone. Trust me on that.</i></b></p><p id="6290">Despite the many wonderful things I’ve heard about polyamorous relationships, my jealousy issues make me a poor fit for polyamory. Whenever I am in a relationship with a man, I become so consumed with jealousy over his former lovers that I become physically ill.</p><p id="1af7">When I was in high school, I was jealous of my best friend’s other friends to the point where I would have done <i>anything</i> to end those relationships. I imagine the only reason why I haven’t gotten into trouble due to my jealousy is that it’s tempered with a heaping dose of laziness.</p><p id="5b59">My aforementioned best friend also happens to be my cousin. My grandmother with the jealousy issues? She was <i>her</i> grandmother, too. When this particular friend/cousin was dating the man she eventually married, she was seethingly jealous that he’d ridden in the same Ferris wheel car with another girl —<i> before they met.</i></p><p id="130b">She was so angry that she fought with him — <i>for something that happened years earlier.</i> The other girl <i>was</i> beautiful, but she was also dating one of his best friends, who was in another car of the Ferris wheel at the time of the <i>incident</i>. It sounds irrational now, but I understood her jealousy completely. <i>I still do.</i></p><p id="bc36">I am jealous of the girl who rings up my current best friend’s sandwiches at the local deli. I am jealous of the woman who works at the Burger King he’s visited perhaps twice. I am jealous of any woman, or man, with whom he has any normal adult interaction.</p><p id="d014">Can you imagine what I would be like in a polyamorous relationship? I’

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d be intolerable. That’s not a reflection of the lifestyle; that’s a reflection of me.</p><p id="8d5b">Unfortunately, my jealousy means I will never experience the benefits of polyamory and everything it has to offer. My understanding of polyamory is that there simply isn’t room for jealousy in it. Come to think of it, there isn’t room for jealousy in monogamy either. I guess that’s just another thing — <i>like cutting back on carbs and exercising more</i> — that I have to work on.</p><h2 id="9d2b">You probably won’t buy me a coffee, but it would be cooler if you did — way cooler. Buy me a coffee at the following link:</h2><div id="d0eb" class="link-block"> <a href="https://www.buymeacoffee.com/traceyfolly"> <div> <div> <h2>Tracey Folly is writing with reckless abandon.</h2> <div><h3>Why should you buy me a coffee? Because I would be so grateful for your support. Thank you for your help!</h3></div> <div><p>www.buymeacoffee.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*pWuQJzA6POaP4J-_)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="b010">Come join me. If you’re not a Medium member yet, you can support me and other writers for five bucks per month here:</h2><div id="8cc0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://traceyfolly.com/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link — Tracey Folly</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>traceyfolly.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*9YY5cUQDXQnca8gj)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

But I can still respect people in polyamorous relationships

My grandmother was a jealous woman. If she thought my grandfather was even looking at another woman, she would wail and scream as if she were being boiled in a pot of oil. One time, she didn’t like the way she thought my grandfather looked at her sister during a family visit. So she ran down the street barefoot — shrieking like a banshee — and threatened to drown herself in the river.

I take after my grandmother.

I have no problem with polyamory. Why would I? If someone is happily enjoying a polyamorous relationship, then it’s not my business. If someone is unhappy in a polyamorous relationship, then it’s not my problem. It’s like any and all other relationships. If I’m not in it, then it’s not my place to judge. Full stop.

If you are someone living in a polyamorous relationship, please know that I support you, and I am fully on your side. It’s just not for me.

Writer Joe Duncan comes to mind. He is living happily in a drama-free and supportive relationship that just happens to be polyamorous, and I haven’t read a single criticism of monogamous relationships from him. As he points out in his brilliant and informative piece My Polyamory Doesn’t Invalidate Your Monogamy:

“I know that I can be happy differently than others can be happy, and as long as the things that make me happy aren’t infringing upon their happiness, there shouldn’t be an issue.”

The same goes for people in LGBTQ relationships, biracial relationships, May-December relationships, and dominant and submissive relationships. If people are happy — great! If people are unhappy — join the club! I am far too busy with my own personal matters to judge anyone. Trust me on that.

Despite the many wonderful things I’ve heard about polyamorous relationships, my jealousy issues make me a poor fit for polyamory. Whenever I am in a relationship with a man, I become so consumed with jealousy over his former lovers that I become physically ill.

When I was in high school, I was jealous of my best friend’s other friends to the point where I would have done anything to end those relationships. I imagine the only reason why I haven’t gotten into trouble due to my jealousy is that it’s tempered with a heaping dose of laziness.

My aforementioned best friend also happens to be my cousin. My grandmother with the jealousy issues? She was her grandmother, too. When this particular friend/cousin was dating the man she eventually married, she was seethingly jealous that he’d ridden in the same Ferris wheel car with another girl — before they met.

She was so angry that she fought with him — for something that happened years earlier. The other girl was beautiful, but she was also dating one of his best friends, who was in another car of the Ferris wheel at the time of the incident. It sounds irrational now, but I understood her jealousy completely. I still do.

I am jealous of the girl who rings up my current best friend’s sandwiches at the local deli. I am jealous of the woman who works at the Burger King he’s visited perhaps twice. I am jealous of any woman, or man, with whom he has any normal adult interaction.

Can you imagine what I would be like in a polyamorous relationship? I’d be intolerable. That’s not a reflection of the lifestyle; that’s a reflection of me.

Unfortunately, my jealousy means I will never experience the benefits of polyamory and everything it has to offer. My understanding of polyamory is that there simply isn’t room for jealousy in it. Come to think of it, there isn’t room for jealousy in monogamy either. I guess that’s just another thing — like cutting back on carbs and exercising more — that I have to work on.