I Am Tired Of The Media Telling Me That A Woman and A Man Can’t Not Be Friends

It’s time to change this narrative.

Not long ago (August/2021), it was Zoë Kravitz and Channing Tatum that were trending online because of their dating rumour; nothing was confirmed until after the MET Gala in September when they were seen holding hands in NYC.

But do you need to be dating someone to hold their hands? Can’t we hold the hands of our friends? And can’t a woman have a male friend or a male have a female friend? They have never confirmed that they are in a relationship, and we are just assuming things.

Now we have the rumoured lovers Victoria Pedretti and Dylan Arnold that are hanging out together “too much” and must be dating. Again, why can they not just be friends?

We can’t deny that the media has a huge influence on our lives and how we live. We tend to copy the celebrities’ behaviours, and they usually “set an example” at least on what is trending, what we should consume, but also on how it is cool to live.

In addition, dating rumours sell because we love to know what celebrities are doing and, most importantly, who they are dating. They are a good escape from our lives, and it’s just entertaining to see what other people are doing with their lives. We love watching them in Movies and TV Series, but we keep seeing them as characters even when they are off camera.

It’s 2021, we have seen so many changes, and society should be moving forwards in this sense. But it seems that we can not shift from the belief that a woman and a man can not only be friends. When is this going to change?

In my 20s, when I was living in Canada, I had two male friends from Colombia. They were really good-looking, but at the time, I didn’t even notice it (another friend needed to mention that to me…). They were my friends, and that’s it. I remember that one day we all lay down together in a single bed and I didn’t feel anything besides the warm feeling of having friends and being loved. At the time, I was in love with a Canadian man that wanted very little to do with me and even if I wasn’t, I don’t think something would have happened between us (me and my friends). I have never seen them in a sexual way, so I know it’s possible to have male friends and not have any sexual tension.

On the other hand, now that I am in my 30s, my partner has a very close female friend, and it’s hard for me to accept that. I can’t avoid but get jealous, jealousy that I kept very private (until now). I don’t say anything to him, but a part of me doesn’t like that he has such a close female friend, and another part of me doesn’t like the fact that I don’t like that he has such a close female friend. And I am still working on that in therapy.

Then there is an important point, the sexual tension. It’s okay to be friends with a gay man (for a woman) or a lesbian (for a man) because the attraction is not there, or at least is not there in theory. But again, we have moved forward so much, and genders are being so much discussed, but still, here we are still assuming that when a “hetero” man and a “hetero” woman are hanging out, they must be banging.

I don’t know why friendships between women and men are not more normalised and even incentivised? We have so much to learn with men, so much. In most cases, they make more money than us, and they have more power than us… I am sure we can learn more from them. And the same applies the other way around.

The big problem is that we assume too much, we like putting people in boxes, we are scared of what is different and other types of relationships. People are plural; boxes are too narrow. We need to evolve. I know I need to evolve and learn to see beyond genders and beyond the beliefs that limit my experience as a human being. It’s time to change this narrative.