I Am Tired of Clickbait Sex

When things were different in the commercial

“I’m going to blow your mind.”

“I’m going to blow your back out.”

“I’m going to rock your world.”

Some people make a lot of promises about sex. They promise to rock your world but end up rocking you to sleep. They say they’re kinky, but all they do is slap your butt once…gently.

They claim to dirty talk like a disgruntled porn star, but then compliment your body with anatomical parts and strangely business-like adjectives: “Top notch breasts!”

Let’s get this out of the way: sex doesn’t always happen the way we planned it, dreamed it, or promised it. In most cases, there’s nobody to blame. Sometimes sex just sucks — and that’s ok. That’s not what I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about clickbait sex where sex is grossly overpromised and underdelivered on purpose. Or seemingly on purpose. When the trailer teased an epic thriller but all you ended up with is a couple of amateur actors, a shaky camera, and a thrift-store version of a poorly written script.

No one likes clickbait. Clickbait is when something is sensationalized to get attention. It’s heavy on promises, light on actual delivery.

Clickbait sex is all about the sizzle and not the steak. I think we’ve all been guilty of indulging in a bit of clickbait sex but I’m tired of it.

Let me tell you why.

Confession Time: Yes, I’m Guilty of Clickbait Sex

Part of the reason I’m tired of clickbait sex is that I’ve been guilty of it in my life.

Years ago, I occasionally hyped up my sexual performance only to underwhelm the other person. It left me feeling embarrassed, unsexy, and reluctant the next time.

It’s not that I wanted to trick someone into believing I was a sex god. I truly wanted to be great at sex, but I struggled with body image issues, self-esteem, and performance anxiety.

Not the sexiest mix of qualities.

Back then, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I pretended to know. Not cool. Therefore, I’m not here to judge anyone about clickbait sex. I’m here to talk about it, get it out on the table, and — yes — maybe vent a little.

While I no longer engage in clickbait sex, I know it still exists so I think it’s important to insert it into the cultural conversation. Clickbait sex is temporarily disappointing but it also chips away at our long-term trust in potential partners.

Clickbait Sex Is the Instagram Filter of Sex

I’d rather have bad sex (or no sex) than clickbait sex. Maybe that’s my age and experience speaking, because I remember a young man buzzing with insatiable hormones, itching to have sex with any female of age who so much as winked at me.

Ok, that is an exaggeration at best, an outright lie at worst. Kind of like clickbait. That’s why I hate it. Clickbait sex isn’t truthful. It’s the Instagram or TikTok filter of sex.

Some people are terrible at sex, and they know it. Hey, that’s ok. Embrace who you are, love yourself. If you want to get better at sex, you definitely can go that route. It’s your life and your body. Do whatever you want.

But don’t lie. Don’t pretend that you are something that you are most certainly not.

Don’t get someone else all hot and bothered only to leave them bored, frustrated, and distrustful of the next person. In my book, that’s not right.

It’s like showing up for a first date and the other person is nothing like their online photos. No one enjoys that kind of a letdown. Just be honest, forthright, and give an accurate indication of your sexual prowess.

Otherwise, it’s essentially sexual catfishing.

Clickbait Sex Hurts Our Relationships

It may seem like clickbait sex is mostly harmless. However, I think it subtly damages our trust, builds unconscious resentments, and leaks out of us as bitterness, selfishness, and coldness.

“Some relationships are like clickbait.” — Vinshika Jain

Almost as if our primitive brains click into self-absorption. If it’s going to be like this then I’m just going to care about myself and my needs.

Maybe that’s how clickbait sex starts. A domino effect of sexual disappointments, bedroom bait-and-switch. Jaded, we begin to indulge in sexual click-baiting ourselves.

We stop caring about other people. And that’s a dangerous and lonely way to live.

The Cure for Clickbait Sex (Finally Revealed)

Yes, that’s a clickbait subheading. Or maybe it isn’t. Clickbait is overpromising something you don’t deliver.

I’m going to try to deliver on my promise.

There just might be a cure to clickbait sex hidden in plain sight. There just might be a way to diminish disappointment, curve clickbait, and express our exquisite, authentic selves.

If there is a cure to clickbait, I think it begins with self-awareness. The more we know about ourselves, the more honest we can express ourselves in the world. The more we understand the sexual part of our being, the more we can share it with someone.

“Don’t be afraid. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t ever apologize for your sexuality. Just be you.” — Sonya Deville

Self-awareness might not be easy, but I think it’s worth it.

Since most of us don’t see ourselves clearly all by ourselves, it might be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, coach, or therapist. If you have a current romantic or sexual partner, maybe open a conversation with them, too.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself or talk about with others:

• Do I have a high or low sex drive?
• How much do I value sex?
• What kind of sex do I like?
• Do I want to try new things?
• What is the definition of kinky sex to me?
• What is “great sex” to me?
• When having sex, how am I most fulfilled?
• Am I the same person in public, and online, as I am in person?

When you embrace honesty, you embrace yourself.

Final Thoughts

Something I haven’t brought up yet is that other people sometimes assume things about our sexuality that aren’t true. They misinterpret what we post online, what we wear, or how we portray ourselves in certain public situations.

They may also believe that our past predicts our future.

Sexual energy, preferences, desires, and actions can and do change. Life is dynamic. We are constantly in the process of becoming someone and something new.

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