I Am the Retirement Fund of My Parents
I respectfully oblige
There has been debates on social media in my country regarding this issue on “children as retirement fund” of their parents. It’s a sensitive topic. Hence, what I will share are my own opinions on the matter and not the opinion of the general Filipino public.
Both sides are making good points.
Those who are against the practice say that children didn’t choose to be born. The parents chose to bear children. It is therefore their responsibility to give them their basic needs and education. With this, the children don’t owe anything to their parents.
The other side says that children didn’t survive if not because of their parents who sacrificed for them. It can be observed that parents get educational plans for their children ahead of building savings, investments, and pension plans of their own. Parents gave all their love, time, and financial support until such time that the children can be on their own. Hence, it is expected that children return the favor when their parents grow old.
To which side I am is a question that is not easy to answer. If I have a choice, I would pick to option 1 but my conscience says, option 2 is the better choice. My parents have nothing because what they did in their younger years is to give their all for our education. Not even a single peso is left to their name.
With the Philippines’ culture on close-knit family ties, one is expected to support and take care of their parents when they grow old. I’m one of those who comply with the expectations.
Being the eldest, much is expected of me. I was given the responsibility to send my siblings to college when I started receiving a salary. This I gladly complied. I want all of us to escape the hard life we were born into. I supported them wholeheartedly even if it meant scrimping on myself. Now, they are my living trophies. I’m proud that they finished their studies and both have good careers.
For my parents, as soon as I started working, I gave them allowances twice a month. I pay for their health insurance.
When life got better, I gave them their own house. I pay for their utility bills until now. I have funded their travels and paid for their miscellaneous expenses. I give them money gifts on their birthdays and special occasions. I also share with them part of my bonuses when I’m blessed to receive some.
On top of what I do for my parents, I also help with the medications and monthly allowance of my now 102-year-old grandmom (father-side).
To be honest, it’s not an easy feat. There are times that I wanted to just stop and breathe and enjoy my own money. But I just can’t stop. I can’t stop because I love them. I would rather sacrifice my material desires to give them a comfortable life — a life that they didn’t experience before.
The proverbial “don’t give them fish but teach them how to fish” is not applicable to my situation. For how can you tell my 102-year-old grandma to “fish” to support herself? How can I tell my parents who are both senior citizens and don’t have pensions to work and feed themselves? My conscience can’t. So I have to sacrifice my “wants” to be able to give them what they “need”.
I know that what I’m doing should not be normalized. Kids must not be obliged to financially support their parents. If they do, they should do it because of love and generosity and not because of tradition and society’s expectations. I’m doing it because of love and gratitude.
Parents should not make their kids their retirement fund. But my parents did. I’m however happy that I have this opportunity to give back for the sacrifices that they did for me. My parents took care of me when I was young so I’ll take care of them now that they are old. I’m blessed that I still have both parents until now.
The greatest takeaway from my current situation is: “I’m not doing it to my children”. I’m preparing well for my retirement and even my death.