I Am Selling My House, Moving to an Apartment, and Decluttering

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entations for clients. No, they weren’t organized, but if I needed one I could find it. I left that job in January of 2019. If only we got money for shredding and recycling paper. I had hundreds (closer to 500 than 100) of decks. Add to that mail that I never opened or opemed and ignored, magazines I always wanted to read, tax receipts for years and years, and even checks I never cashed. You know you have to have people reissue checks after six months, right? Good luck with getting them to do that. Let’s not forget the stack of computer punch cards, circa 1978. Do you remember those? If so, you may be considered old by some. (Not me. Never me.)</li><li>I have so many craft supplies. They are everywhere. I am terrible at crafts. I love the idea, but not the execution. Calligraphy? I took a class for that. I guess my D’s in Handwriting in 2nd grade didn’t get the point across to me well enough. Stained glass? Yeah, I took a class in that, too. The instructor was awesome and said I was always welcome in his classes (I am fun), but he will never pretend I have talent. Crochet materials. Crossstitch (I did do that – 40 years ago). Watercolors. This black satin you were supposed to paint on. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.</li><li>I had tons of photography equipment – 35-millimeter film cameras. Lenses. Tripods. GoPro. Tons of stuff from my dad, like old movie cameras. Thankfully my niece’s friend is a darn good photographer and was totally excited about having most of this stuff. She said she had wanted to try film. She is well hooked up. There was also film, of course, but I told her it was for illustrative purposes only.</li><li>Coffee mugs – there are a lot of them. The problem with coffee cups is they must be the right size. If they’re not you just can’t use them. But people give them to you, and you don’t want to hurt their feelings so you keep them forever. The ones you hate never break. The perfect ones always break. After they do, I think “They are so pretty and carry so many good memories. They would make awesome mosaics.” Do I know how to do mosaics? No! But I bet there is a class for it.</li><li>Socks – How many pairs are too many? I hate real shoes. I like flip-flops, sandals, and Tom’s. No socks needed. Boots, sneakers, and clogs are the only shoes I wear that require socks. I spent an afternoon just gathering and pairing up socks. Now I have one basket of paired socks and one of equal size with unmated ones. I need to go through those and at least determine which ones I don’t want to keep even if a mate is found. They need to be thrown away. I will get to it. Soon.</li><li>Gifts – I buy a lot of gifts I never give. There were baby clothes, books, toys. Christmas gifts. A whole bag of things from Wales. Why? I have no clue. I have family in Wales and we like Welsh things, but how come I never gave this stuff away? Coming soon, family. Gifts from Wales. They’ll be excited. I have well passed the point of travel when I feel the need to bring people gifts, so it has been a long time since they have gotten gifts when I traveled.</li><li>Gift wrap – I had three incredibly large containers of gift wrap, gift bags, wrapping paper, gift basket covers, tissue paper, bows, tape, cute package decorations – you name it. Still, if I need to wrap a gift? I don’t seem to have the right thing – or I don’t know if I do, so I buy more. Just in case.</li><li>Cards – I could do a scavenger hunt around my house for boxes of Christmas cards. I buy them nearly every year. I fail to send them out almost always. There are graduation cards I never sent (one for 2019 that was awesome and should have gone to the worthy graduate – whoever that was.) Sympathy cards. Those make me ashamed. Hopefully, I sent donations in memory of them all. At this point, I don’t know whose death I failed to acknowledge, but there were too many of them.</li><li>Clothes – every 60-year old has t-shirts from high school and college, right? I also still have my cool satin radio station jacket, also from college. The dress I wore to my brother’s first wedding. A crazy flowered mumu a friend in college gave me because I borrowed it so often for tacky tourist picnics (what, everyone doesn’t do those?). A shirt that once belonged to a male college friend who forced his ex-girlfriend on me when she begged to visit. She told him she knew they weren’t getting back together.

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I laughed when he believed that. He reminded me I didn’t know her. Morning one of her visit he was begging me to never leave him alone with her. I did, and when she left I kept his shirt she slept in.</li><li>Smelly stuff – Why do people think giving out scented stuff is a good idea? I don’t want to smell like any kind of fruit unless I cut it up and it got on my hands or I ate it and it is on my lips. I don’t want to smell like anything someone in the next room can smell before I get there or after I leave. I don’t want to smell like the ocean because evidently, people think it is this strong flowery scent, with no salt whatsoever. Don’t buy me scents, because while I can’t tell you what I want to smell like, I know it when I smell it on my skin. I also never wear lotion and don’t often use soap on my skin, but I love bath products and great lip balm. Guess what everyone gifts me with? Icky-smelling lotions. That’s because people say if you don’t know what a woman wants, buy her smelly lotion.</li><li>Candles – They’re OK. I need one or two. I have those. I don’t need more. I like the ambiance at the occasional dinner or when the power goes out. But the 97 ugly and ill-smelling ones people have given me? I kept them – just in case. When helping me clean my garage this weekend my sister and friend wanted to know why I had a penis candle. Well, I had gone to a bachelorette party and I was the winner (I don’t remember how I won, just I won the grand prize, the candle). I always thought the perfect opportunity would come up to use it or re-gift it. As I thought about it I realized the bachelorette party was probably in the vicinity of 30 years ago. It had gone in a box during my next move after the party and has not been out since. Maybe it is time to go. I wanted it in the donate box. The looks of my sister and friend put it in the trash.</li><li>That post-COVID change shortage? No matter what they say, I suspect I know the true reason it happened. Don’t worry, I’ll get some more of it circulating. You’re welcome!</li><li>Cords, connectors, and old computers – the computers will eventually go, but I need to check to see if there are missing pictures. The cords and connectors? Not sure if I can ever get rid of them. And does anyone need some floppy disks? How about computer punch cards from my college years?</li><li>Vinyl albums, VCR, and Cassette Tapes – My vinyl collection consists of things like The Association, Barry Manilow, Bobby Sherman, The Partridge Family (oh wait, someone borrowed the treasured Partridge family albums and never returned them), Dan Fogelberg (I borrowed that one and never gave it back), and then a lot of samples of Sugarhill rap and disco. I worked at a progressive rock radio station in college and for some reason, they scoffed at the rap and disco. I loved it, so free albums for me. My friend circle eventually came around to at least be amused by it. My cassettes were Squeeze, Elvis Costello, Joe Jackson, and various disco compilations. The VCR tapes? Yes, there are a certain number of purchased ones – mostly Disney ones to entertain my nieces and nephews. The bulk, however, was recorded off of TV. I still have not watched the Shawshank Redemption, but I have it taped!</li></ul>I’ll stop. You need me to, right? I could go on. No, I need to stop. But I haven’t even gotten to the kitchen.Don’t worry. I’m still keeping enough odd and unique or weird or embarrassing stuff so my family has something to talk about when I am dead and gone and they are left to clean things out. There has to be a reward for going through it all – and I want it to be an entertaining time and not just one where they roll up a dumpster and start pitching. If they do that, know I taught them nothing. If they have a party, laugh all day long, and fight for who gets my Boyfriend in a Box my married friend, John gave me? I have lived my purpose.Kim McKinney is entering a new and exciting phase of life. It wasn’t as she planned, but that doesn’t make it less of an adventure. She plans to follow happiness, so thinks she will enjoy being on this particular path. She also plans to visit any person who has ever told her to come to visit, and maybe a few strangers. They will now learn why you should think before you speak (though she thinks herself a magnificent houseguest.)</article></body>

So why did I keep that penis candle for years and years?

I’m about to sell my house and it is time to declutter. It has been 14 years. Well, that’s how long it has been since I have been in this house. Some of the boxes never got unpacked from a move or ten ago. I used to move a lot. Five times in five years during one stint.

And no, I was never in the military. Back in the day companies used to move you where they wanted you – and paid for moving companies to pack you up and get you there.

They often paid for unpacking, too, but I was always too stressed to allow that. They’d ask questions about where you wanted things to go. I was just moving in. How should I know? Anywhere! Just put it anywhere and I can change it later. But that wasn’t the answer they wanted and usually, I just told them to leave.

Thankfully my college roommate lived for that sort of thing. She’d come to visit and get boxes unpacked and get my apartment put together enough for me to survive. My ADHD mind meant I went crazy (thus telling the movers to leave before finishing) but she could handle me. She’d point to a chair and tell me to sit there and read and leave her alone.

She now lives states away with her husband and doesn’t volunteer for that duty anymore. Dang husband.

I’m quite serious about decluttering this time, though. I turned 60 last July and I am tired of stuff. I’ve been tired of it for a while, as well as tired of being a homeowner. I want to call someone when something breaks down and let them deal with it. I don’t want to pay to maintain a huge lawn when I am allergic to grass.

My neighbors would insert here that I have more weeds than grass. They are correct. I hate chemicals on grass. They love them. As a friend once said, I want a meadow and they want a lawn.

And then there’s the financial benefit. The equity will enable me to have something to finance any shortfall from writing and working contract jobs in the insurance industry until I allow myself to use my retirement funds and sign up for Social Security. We’re going to put that off as long as possible.

This is a lifestyle choice. I decided I could continue a high-pressure job in exchange for a nice salary and benefits for a few more years, or I can work less, travel more, and have more freedom. My expenses will be 1/3–1/2 of what I am currently paying. That’s of my total budget after cutting unnecessaries when I originally lost my job.

I also have a mom with Alzheimer’s, so long hours, a commute, or a move would mean more stress on my siblings. They’d support me, but that’s just another reason I can’t do it. You don’t dump on those who love you. Mom doesn’t remember we take turns spending nights with her, but she still remembers my name. I don’t want her to miss me any more than she already does.

I am moving from a 3-bedroom house plus garage plus bonus room plus office to a 2-bedroom, 2-bath apartment. Or as I say, one bedroom-one office. Less than half the square footage. No garage. (😢)

So I’m decluttering and it’s no easy task. I started cleaning out my closet last November. This week I finally threw out a pile of shoes that had been sitting in my bedroom since that time. The rest of my shoes are paired up and either neatly lined up in a closet or in one of those holders that hang on the back of doors. I admit I still need to get rid of some shoes. But which ones? I’ll probably decide when space becomes a factor in the new place.

Other dilemmas and realizations I have made:

The amount of paper I have sorted in the last couple of months is ridiculous. I worked at home most of the time instead of in the office, but did a lot of Powerpoint presentations for clients. No, they weren’t organized, but if I needed one I could find it. I left that job in January of 2019. If only we got money for shredding and recycling paper. I had hundreds (closer to 500 than 100) of decks. Add to that mail that I never opened or opemed and ignored, magazines I always wanted to read, tax receipts for years and years, and even checks I never cashed. You know you have to have people reissue checks after six months, right? Good luck with getting them to do that. Let’s not forget the stack of computer punch cards, circa 1978. Do you remember those? If so, you may be considered old by some. (Not me. Never me.)

I have so many craft supplies. They are everywhere. I am terrible at crafts. I love the idea, but not the execution. Calligraphy? I took a class for that. I guess my D’s in Handwriting in 2nd grade didn’t get the point across to me well enough. Stained glass? Yeah, I took a class in that, too. The instructor was awesome and said I was always welcome in his classes (I am fun), but he will never pretend I have talent. Crochet materials. Crossstitch (I did do that – 40 years ago). Watercolors. This black satin you were supposed to paint on. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

I had tons of photography equipment – 35-millimeter film cameras. Lenses. Tripods. GoPro. Tons of stuff from my dad, like old movie cameras. Thankfully my niece’s friend is a darn good photographer and was totally excited about having most of this stuff. She said she had wanted to try film. She is well hooked up. There was also film, of course, but I told her it was for illustrative purposes only.

Coffee mugs – there are a lot of them. The problem with coffee cups is they must be the right size. If they’re not you just can’t use them. But people give them to you, and you don’t want to hurt their feelings so you keep them forever. The ones you hate never break. The perfect ones always break. After they do, I think “They are so pretty and carry so many good memories. They would make awesome mosaics.” Do I know how to do mosaics? No! But I bet there is a class for it.

Socks – How many pairs are too many? I hate real shoes. I like flip-flops, sandals, and Tom’s. No socks needed. Boots, sneakers, and clogs are the only shoes I wear that require socks. I spent an afternoon just gathering and pairing up socks. Now I have one basket of paired socks and one of equal size with unmated ones. I need to go through those and at least determine which ones I don’t want to keep even if a mate is found. They need to be thrown away. I will get to it. Soon.

Gifts – I buy a lot of gifts I never give. There were baby clothes, books, toys. Christmas gifts. A whole bag of things from Wales. Why? I have no clue. I have family in Wales and we like Welsh things, but how come I never gave this stuff away? Coming soon, family. Gifts from Wales. They’ll be excited. I have well passed the point of travel when I feel the need to bring people gifts, so it has been a long time since they have gotten gifts when I traveled.

Gift wrap – I had three incredibly large containers of gift wrap, gift bags, wrapping paper, gift basket covers, tissue paper, bows, tape, cute package decorations – you name it. Still, if I need to wrap a gift? I don’t seem to have the right thing – or I don’t know if I do, so I buy more. Just in case.

Cards – I could do a scavenger hunt around my house for boxes of Christmas cards. I buy them nearly every year. I fail to send them out almost always. There are graduation cards I never sent (one for 2019 that was awesome and should have gone to the worthy graduate – whoever that was.) Sympathy cards. Those make me ashamed. Hopefully, I sent donations in memory of them all. At this point, I don’t know whose death I failed to acknowledge, but there were too many of them.

Clothes – every 60-year old has t-shirts from high school and college, right? I also still have my cool satin radio station jacket, also from college. The dress I wore to my brother’s first wedding. A crazy flowered mumu a friend in college gave me because I borrowed it so often for tacky tourist picnics (what, everyone doesn’t do those?). A shirt that once belonged to a male college friend who forced his ex-girlfriend on me when she begged to visit. She told him she knew they weren’t getting back together. I laughed when he believed that. He reminded me I didn’t know her. Morning one of her visit he was begging me to never leave him alone with her. I did, and when she left I kept his shirt she slept in.

Smelly stuff – Why do people think giving out scented stuff is a good idea? I don’t want to smell like any kind of fruit unless I cut it up and it got on my hands or I ate it and it is on my lips. I don’t want to smell like anything someone in the next room can smell before I get there or after I leave. I don’t want to smell like the ocean because evidently, people think it is this strong flowery scent, with no salt whatsoever. Don’t buy me scents, because while I can’t tell you what I want to smell like, I know it when I smell it on my skin. I also never wear lotion and don’t often use soap on my skin, but I love bath products and great lip balm. Guess what everyone gifts me with? Icky-smelling lotions. That’s because people say if you don’t know what a woman wants, buy her smelly lotion.

Candles – They’re OK. I need one or two. I have those. I don’t need more. I like the ambiance at the occasional dinner or when the power goes out. But the 97 ugly and ill-smelling ones people have given me? I kept them – just in case. When helping me clean my garage this weekend my sister and friend wanted to know why I had a penis candle. Well, I had gone to a bachelorette party and I was the winner (I don’t remember how I won, just I won the grand prize, the candle). I always thought the perfect opportunity would come up to use it or re-gift it. As I thought about it I realized the bachelorette party was probably in the vicinity of 30 years ago. It had gone in a box during my next move after the party and has not been out since. Maybe it is time to go. I wanted it in the donate box. The looks of my sister and friend put it in the trash.

That post-COVID change shortage? No matter what they say, I suspect I know the true reason it happened. Don’t worry, I’ll get some more of it circulating. You’re welcome!

Cords, connectors, and old computers – the computers will eventually go, but I need to check to see if there are missing pictures. The cords and connectors? Not sure if I can ever get rid of them. And does anyone need some floppy disks? How about computer punch cards from my college years?

Vinyl albums, VCR, and Cassette Tapes – My vinyl collection consists of things like The Association, Barry Manilow, Bobby Sherman, The Partridge Family (oh wait, someone borrowed the treasured Partridge family albums and never returned them), Dan Fogelberg (I borrowed that one and never gave it back), and then a lot of samples of Sugarhill rap and disco. I worked at a progressive rock radio station in college and for some reason, they scoffed at the rap and disco. I loved it, so free albums for me. My friend circle eventually came around to at least be amused by it. My cassettes were Squeeze, Elvis Costello, Joe Jackson, and various disco compilations. The VCR tapes? Yes, there are a certain number of purchased ones – mostly Disney ones to entertain my nieces and nephews. The bulk, however, was recorded off of TV. I still have not watched the Shawshank Redemption, but I have it taped!

I’ll stop. You need me to, right? I could go on. No, I need to stop. But I haven’t even gotten to the kitchen.

Don’t worry. I’m still keeping enough odd and unique or weird or embarrassing stuff so my family has something to talk about when I am dead and gone and they are left to clean things out. There has to be a reward for going through it all – and I want it to be an entertaining time and not just one where they roll up a dumpster and start pitching. If they do that, know I taught them nothing. If they have a party, laugh all day long, and fight for who gets my Boyfriend in a Box my married friend, John gave me? I have lived my purpose.

Kim McKinney is entering a new and exciting phase of life. It wasn’t as she planned, but that doesn’t make it less of an adventure. She plans to follow happiness, so thinks she will enjoy being on this particular path. She also plans to visit any person who has ever told her to come to visit, and maybe a few strangers. They will now learn why you should think before you speak (though she thinks herself a magnificent houseguest.)