I’m Scared COVID-19 Will Ruin My Life and My Future — We Should Talk About Our Fears

It may seem like an overstatement, but it doesn’t make my fear go away

I am scared. You might think the reason for my fear is getting sick, experiencing complications and passing away from this horrific disease. While those fears are legitimate, the reason I am scared is less scientific and more emotional.

I have a list of reasons why coronavirus can negatively impact my life in the long term. The thing is, I don’t think we talk about this enough. We need to stay strong — that’s the message media portrays. While I have a lot off respect for those handling the pandemic like superheroes, I believe we should talk more about our fears.

Quarantine is difficult. It’s challenging both physically and mentally. Many of us are stuck in confined spaces, with a lack of social support, and even in dangerous domestic situations. I don’t mean to sound negative, but these are the realities. We should talk about our feelings. It may not change the things around us, but it may make it just a little bit more bearable.

We are Allowed to Be Scared

I don’t feel any less like a strong woman if I choose to admit I’m afraid. I don’t need to look for excuses, explain my feelings, bury my emotions or feel guilty for sharing them with people. Under no circumstances am I going to spring a tsunami of my negativity on anyone, because I have no moral right to affect other people. However, I need to face my fears. The first step is admitting there is a problem, and compartmentalizing what I’m feeling.

Nothing good ever comes from bottling up our emotions. When we try to pretend everything is fine and hide our thoughts, it gets worse. You cannot run away from your feelings — they will catch on to do eventually. This is precisely the reason why I’m choosing to talk about my thoughts and fears openly. By sharing them and facing reality, I’m taking care of myself and my mental health.

We should talk about our feelings. It may not change the things around us, but it may make it just a little bit more bearable.

Our Experiences are Important

It’s important to point out right away that I am not an essential worker. Those of us who are on the frontline are the number one people who should be scared. I have zero ideas on how cashiers, drivers, cleaners, Postal Service workers, and especially medical staff are handling this crisis. If I were in their shoes, I would have probably had a nervous breakdown — or 10 of them in the very first week. Every single one of the essential workers is a hero, who is currently saving our nation and the entire planet from a collapse. Each of those workers deserves a medal and recognition from the president. We all know it probably won’t happen, but we still need to acknowledge their bravery and commitment.

But regardless of what line of work you are in — you deserve to have your voice heard. If you are an everyday office worker, or someone else working from home, or an individual who is merely staying indoors — your feelings are still valid. There is no hierarchy of emotions: if you are a human being — everything you’re feeling reserves recognition.

Don’t feel bad for being scared. Allow yourself to feel lost, overwhelmed, uncertain, or any other emotion. You are entitled to feel angry and upset at the entire world. The world may not be responsible for your feelings, but you need to let those feelings out.

Nothing good ever comes from bottling up our emotions.

I Am Scared for My Friends

My loved ones are the source off my worries. I don’t know if all of my friends are safe right now. It may sound weird, as you should be aware of your mates’ well-being. But you can never know what kind of a situation some of your friends and acquaintances may be in.

I know that all of my close friends are doing fine for now. The closer the person is, the more confidence I have in their safety and health. Having that said, we may not be fully aware of the extent of hardships some of our friends may be in. I’m scared for my friend, who is in a physically abusive partnership: his girlfriend may not have hit him for a while, but I don’t know if he’s telling me everything. I also cannot be sure if a few of my friends, who are living unhappy domestic partnerships, are doing fine. Being an abuse victim dictates not sharing all the details with others if sharing anything at all. I can’t know what people whom I’ve learned over the years are going through, and the pandemic may have made it much worse on them.

I know I cannot assume any responsibility for what’s happening with others, but it doesn’t mean I’m worrying any less.

Don’t feel bad for being scared. Allow yourself to feel lost, overwhelmed, uncertain, or any other emotion.

I Am Scared for My Family

Luckily, my immediate family is with me — I know they are doing fine. However, I don’t know how their mental health is going to be a week from now, a month from now, or even tomorrow. I’m also petrified, as they are older, and the virus may compromise their immune system.

I’m terrified one of my family members may get sick, go through complications and pass away. I wish I could say this was an irrational fear, but this is a genuine possibility. All I can do is ensure they are not breaking the lockdown rules and are staying home. I’m genuinely trying not to think about it too much; otherwise, I’m getting depressed.

I Am Scared for Myself

When you have a week immune system, you are prone to panicking amid the pandemic. This is me, nice to meet you! I am terrified I might go to a grocery store tomorrow, get infected, land at a hospital and die. Again, I really wish this was irrational thinking, but I’m one of those people who get sick right away and require three times longer to recover.

I am scared that even if I get through the virus, an survive, it can cause long term complications.

I’m terrified one of my family members may get sick, go through complications and pass away.

I Am Scared for My Future

The future is grim. I think this is a reasonable time to point out that I am actually more of an optimist than a pessimist! I know, you can’t tell by reading this rant — but I am! I’m also a realist. That is the main reason I can’t lie to myself and have the need to point out what is going on.

I don’t know how my life is going to look like a month from now. I don’t know if I’m going to have still my job three months from now or six months from now. I have always been incredibly smart with money, which is why I have an emergency fund. But those savings don’t last forever — how many people do you know who have a nest egg that will last over a year? This causes me to worry about my living situation.

I live in a city where the rent is insanely high. I am fortunate enough to have a sweet deal when it comes to housing prices, but I don’t know what my income will look like a few months from now. I’m also worried I may not be able to cover my actual expenses. The government will help, right?

I Am Scared for My Career

Back in March, I still had a pretty detailed and smart plan related to my career. Today, I’m not even sure if I will have a career going forward. What will happen in a few months? A year? Two years? Are we still going to be in quarantine?

It probably sounds stupid and entitled to complain about uncertainty in the career field, when some of us may not be able to afford food. I apologize if this upsets anyone. I have accepted the fact that I would have to change my plans, which includes career goals. By the end of the day, having a job is a privilege on its own. I will not be complaining about my plans getting ruined — I’m happy to be still employed. But if I am honest, this is a little bit upsetting.

Am I going to stay single for a year? Is it going to last two years?

I Am Scared for My Personal Life

Judging from the messages I got today on the dating app, the personal life also looks uncertain. I have no idea as to how we are supposed to date in a pandemic. I’m sure there are ways to overcome these difficulties, but it’s still pressing on me emotionally.

Am I going to stay single for a year? Is it going to last two years? What is once the pandemic is over, everyone is just going to go crazy and thirsty? Can you imagine thousands and thousands of people who have been locked at their homes for a year or two, going outside and dating? That is going to be one hack of a horny pandemic! Once we are done with the virus, we will have to deal with millions of people going off the rails because of the long term abstinence! It’s one thing when you choose chastity, and it’s an entirely different one when it’s being forced on you.

Are we going to see an enormous number of people looking for casual relationships to satisfy hunger, as opposed to building meaningful relationships and families? Am I going to go completely nuts and change my principles and beliefs, and go crazy as well? What is going to happen with this world, where the hookup culture has been heavily popularized in recent years, and with people who are not exceptionally equipped to build relationships in the first place?

Maybe, we should be preparing for robots. If the entire humanity loses their grip on relationships and romance, we might be better off dating an AI organism. By the way, if you start your relationship while in quarantine, how do you keep it? Can you maintain a healthy partnership while not being able to see each other? Or, on the contrary, if you choose to move in with someone quickly, how do you approach potential problems? There are a lot of stuck people and their current living situations because of the pandemic. I am incredibly scared to even think about my personal life at this point.

Are we going to see an enormous number of people looking for casual relationships to satisfy hunger, as opposed to building meaningful relationships and families?

I Am Scared for My Mental Health

if you read my articles before, you may know that I struggle with depression and anxiety. Ironically, I may have an advantage compared to other individuals since I am reasonably equipped to deal with the ups and downs of my mental health. I have been experiencing all this for a while now, and I am treated adequately for my mental issues. What about those who start having difficulties during quarantine? What about people who may not be able to seek proper care or have limited options when it comes to mental health? Seeing an increase in mental health struggles might be a reality in this pandemic.

I am terrified that my mental health will decline. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow — it may go either way. I am scared to experience complications with depression.

We are All in This Together

Everyone has been saying that we are all together in this mess. On the one hand, it’s comforting. On the other hand, it doesn’t make it any easier. I’m trying to distract myself and stop thinking about the crisis. To be fair, stressing out and overthinking this won’t change anything.

But I still believe we should talk about it, have support groups, build robust support systems, reach out to our friends, and do everything humanly possible to exit this pandemic with minimum losses. One day, our grandchildren are going to ask us how we survived this. All we are going to say is:

“We have absolutely no idea, we were going crazy and falling apart almost every day.”