GETTING COACHED

I Am Redoing My List

And relaxation is at the top

When we last left Hannah, she was heading to Indiana to spend the summer with her dad and brother. She had just met with “Coach,” who helped Alfred do a “reboot,” resulting in a far-happier guy. Alfred’s life was now replete with friends and a dog.

When Hannah and Coach met, she explained that she had been irritable but didn’t realize it showed in her everyday life. She thought she could keep her feelings hidden. That was before Alfred and Hannah took a long walk, and Alfred asked a lot of silly questions:

“What is your favorite color?”

“What are some things that make you happy?”

“What are some things that make you sad?”

Alfred explained why Hannah’s response of “red” to the question on color made complete sense. But then Alfred said something about “when your anger doesn’t know its home.” Hannah was confused, which led to her asking for help in setting up a meeting with Coach.

Coach turned out to be as promised, and Alfred’s questions weren’t that silly after all. While she still didn’t understand the saying about “anger not knowing its home,” Hannah did appreciate Coach’s suggestion that she start tracking instances that irritated her. Coach said,

“Write those instances down. Ask yourself whether you voiced your feelings. If so, did you feel heard?”

That not only made sense but played to Hannah’s strengths as a very organized list maker. Then Coach added something that didn’t make sense:

“The clock can’t always be our master.”

Those last words stumped Hannah. No matter. At the time, she was heading to the small town of Terre Haute, which had almost nothing going on. She would have lots of time to figure things out — something she was good at.

One week into her very quiet summer in Terre Haute, she had already started to connect some dots. Hannah’s dad has repeatedly said,

“Hannah, you are so smart. You can connect all kinds of dots. I don’t know where you get it. Not from me. I know that.”

Two weeks into her summer, Hannah has decided to write a letter to Coach. She likes to write, and besides, it was on her list of things to do — just not at the top. But then again, the clock can’t always be our master.

Dear Coach,

I don’t know if I ever properly thanked you for making time to see me before you headed out. I know you were in a hurry to spend time with your mom, so really, really, thank you!

I have thought a lot about our conversation. I have begun writing down every time something is said or happens that bothers me. It turns out there is a lot — more than I thought. For example (and I am sorry this is a list, but it’s how I think):

• I don’t like that my dad always tells me how smart I am. How do you think it makes my brother feel? Also, it creates pressure for me to always be smart.
• I didn’t like that it was just decided I would spend the summer with my dad — no conversation had. Actually not even an explanation beyond my mom being tired.
• I love my brother, Ben, who is mostly a big addition to my life. Alfred might not like my using the word “addition” when no math is involved, but I am using it anyway. I don’t like being controlled by other people’s preferences.
• Back to my brother, I love him, but I don’t like the responsibility of caring for him so much. I admit that if the situation were reversed, he would happily care for me. I think that makes him a nicer person. Anyway, I think he is.

So that’s the start of my list. I will figure out what I do with my new discoveries. Maybe when I return, we can talk again. I know you’ll have something interesting for me to think about. You always do. I first knew that from talking to Alfred.

This takes me to your last comment that you repeated twice in our meeting. You said,

“The clock can’t always be our master.”

I am still puzzled by that saying. Maybe you are suggesting that I am too focused and organized. Is there such a thing as being too focused and organized? Isn’t that like being too capable? Maybe I am not seeing this fully. Maybe there is a downside to being so efficient that I haven’t realized.

Coach, can you answer me this: Do I need to slow down?

Alfred would say that a clock can’t be anyone’s master because it is inanimate. But I know you are using a metaphor. I like metaphors too. I will probably like this one when I understand it. Is it a popposite? Yes, I am back to popposites where opposites have pop. Maybe you are suggesting that the clock can be a guide but not the end-all, be-all? Or maybe it’s not even a guide?

I can probably wait until we are both back in town to discuss this. In the meantime, I will think about it some more.

You have already helped me, though. I am going to try and slow down. I am going to take a walk after I write this and not even think about what’s left on my list. I am going to simply enjoy the scenery around me. See me grow. No clock anywhere!

Oh, maybe I am starting to get it. The clock should not rule how I spend my time. All right. Relaxation, here I come.

Thank you, Coach!

Signed,

Hannah

This story references a series titled, Alfred’s Journey to Be Liked.” Two stories in that series are referred to in Hannah’s letter.