I am Quitting a Six-figure Job and Retiring at 35

Here are my unsexy reasons and unconventional choices

I celebrated my 35th birthday this past week. But that wasn’t the highlight of the week by any stretch.

I had my last day at work – at a job I had worked in for nearly 12 years.

A job at one of the leading financial institutions in the world. A job where I’d managed to not only survive, but thrive and grow. A job that spanned across about six years in India and another six in Hong Kong.

A job that fulfilled a lot of my dreams – my first internship, my first full-time employment, and most importantly – finding my life partner, who I met at work.

A job that also fulfilled many material ambitions that at the time meant a lot – the feeling of hitting the $100k salary mark, the thrill of promotions and sparkling reviews, the responsibility and privilege of “managing” other people, and many other quantitative and qualitative milestones.

Had I decided to continue my professional journey, there were perhaps many more milestones to come.

Yet, I decided to leave the endless possibilities, primarily, because my priorities had changed.

After getting married in 2017, my wife and I had our first child – our son who soon turns five. I knew then that I had experienced no other joy that equalled the experience of being a dad.

It wasn’t in the very moment when he was born – but a feeling that grew each day I was a father to him. The small moments and the big ones.

The first time I was able to soothe him by putting him on my shoulder and singing a lullaby to sleep.

The first time I successfully changed a diaper and the first time I gave him a bath.

The first time I put a bottle to his tiny lips and experienced the joy of “feeding” him – one only my wife had experienced for so many months.

Some of the firsts turned into everyday rituals that only I got to share with him. I would be the one to give him his daily bath before bed. I’d try my best to be the one changing all diapers when I could.

I enjoyed being a father like I’d enjoyed nothing else in my life. Being a good father also made me a better husband.

Women tend to naturally do the heavy-lifting in carrying and nurturing a child in their womb for 40 weeks. Any help that they can get after the child is born is really valued by them. It was the least as I could do as a caring partner.

Then, earlier this year, we had our second. A daughter this time. Our family now felt complete. But it also meant that the two of us now had another two who were completely dependent on us.

I also had the privilege of getting a full 20-week “parental leave” as a father – something I am very thankful for to my firm.

As if the love for my son wasn’t enough, the time spent with my newborn daughter reinforced in me how being a good father and a good husband gave me more joy than any other achievement – personal or professional.

When I went back to work after the 20–week hiatus, I had a rude reminder.

There were only 24 hours in a day. You couldn’t spend them both at work, and being with kids, at the same time.

You sacrifice one for the other – no matter how much of a work-life balance you try to seek.

If I were to be at work for the majority of the day, I couldn’t expect to drop my son to school, pick him up, put my little one down for all of her naps and feed her all her “first” meals.

I had to make a choice. And it didn’t take me long to know what my choice was going to be.

I’ve always felt and said before that kids don’t raise themselves and households don’t run themselves.

Yet, in our patriarchal societies, it is considered a lot more “normal” for a woman to sacrifice her career than it is for men to do so.

My wife and I have equally successful careers.

However, my wife is a superwoman. She is somehow able to juggle both her career and the household and be amazing at both.

I am, but only, a mere mortal.

I couldn’t do enough justice to either roles, even if I tried, had I continued to do both.

So, I decided to practice what I’d once preached.

A couple of years ago I’d proposed or advocated what seems to be a radical idea in the patriarchal world we live in – the idea of normalising the stay-at-home-dad.

I am now officially going to be just that – a stay-at-home-dad.

Not as a favor to my wife or to my children – but very selfishly because that is what will give me most joy and fulfilment.

It is a choice that I am making and it isn’t the most conventional one.

But, sometimes, the choices that you make aren’t among the most obvious apparent options.

We live in a world where most people will claim that their personal lives – their family and friends are what matter most in the end, and work is just a means to an end.

People like to believe that they work to make ends meet – which is true in most cases, but the way the world runs is flawed.

Because, in the end, we end up with lives that are centred around a “work day” where we spend anywhere between 8–10 of our most productive hours at work.

Everything else then naturally revolves around work. We “make time” for our kids, for our health, and for all the things that we claim are the “endgoal” and our jobs quietly consume the lion’s share of our time, while still being mere means to an end.

That’s just some fucked up logic.

Yet, it’s everywhere.

I am changing that.

I am taking control of my time and making my family the anchor around which my life revolves.

Of course, it took some time to get here and I by all means recognise the “privilege” of having been able to build a financial cushion to be able to afford this decision.

Yet, there are so many of us who can afford to do this – but life then becomes a series of moving targets. Even when it’s enough, it’s never enough.

Because we are programmed by society to believe that true “success” is in chasing professional goals, titles, and money. That, to most, is the flawed definition of success they’ve always been taught.

But here I am, taking a decision that’s unconventional, and talking about it – to everyone that’ll care to hear.

Because we need to normalise this. And I hope, that my decision, is only one small step towards a change in mindset and the way we view the world – and a shift away from the patriarchal world we live in.