I Am Not Your Sobriety Guru

I Have More Questions Than Answers

I hate the look I get when I tell people I don’t drink.

No, not the “Poor little you with the drinking problem” look. The other one. The one of awe and admiration. The “Let me put you on a pedestal and sit at your feet to be graced with your wisdom” look.

It’s as if Gandhi and Mother Teresa reincarnated, and I was the embodiment of their combined spirits.

Here, for the sake of putting my guru-ness to rest, is the reality behind the myth.

Contrary To Popular Belief, I’m Only Human

I am very much a member of the Human League. I was born to make mistakes. Every day I attempt to turn those mistakes into lessons. Sometimes I succeed—other times, not so much.

I am not wise. If I claim to be a wise (wo)man, it surely means that I don’t know. That line from “Carry on Wayward Son” has kept me humble whenever my ego tries to convince me I’m too sexy for my anything. Thank you, Kansas. (Not the state, the ’80s rock band.)

I am not the alcohol judge and jury. If you want to drink, you have every right to. I am not here to convict you. I am only here to tell you my story. As Cheryl Strayed has said, “My truth is not a condemnation of yours.” If you’re trying to quit drinking, I can only wish that my truth offers you hope and inspiration to follow through.

I may not drink, but I eat junk food. Most of the time, I don’t. But when I do, I more than make up for the times I don’t. Some days my idea of lunch is grabbing a bag of sriracha potato chips, eating half of it, drinking half a glass of seltzer, and chasing the other half of the bag with a handful of Trader Joe’s miniature peanut butter cups. How I manage to do that and keep my body fat level below 20% is another story.

I love to exercise and work out. Sometimes I don’t, for the very mature and grown-up reason that I don’t feel like it. On those days, my idea of exercising is to put on my gym clothes, drive to the gym, turn around, and drive back. I’m OK with that. Accepting those little things and not beating myself over them has kept me sober for over four years.

I suck at math. I did before I stopped drinking, and I still do now. I probably always will. Sadly, the clarity I gained when I stopped drinking did nothing to advance my relationship with numbers. It’s no accident that I chose journalism as a career.

Despite 12 years of Catholic school education, I still believe in God. Why? Because no matter how many times I slipped off the wall and had a great fall, She was there to put me back together again. The last time was on Jan. 29, 2019. I haven’t fallen since.

I have gone to five Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in my life. Had I gone back more times, I would have kept on drinking. That’s not a judgment call on AA, that’s just how it was for me.

I am not a superheroine. I don’t drink alcohol. That’s it. End of story. I don’t wear my sobriety on my sleeve or cape. Well, capes don’t have sleeves, so there’s that.

But I have one superpower I wouldn’t give up for anything.

I No Longer Crave Alcohol

I finally achieved sobriety when I realized I didn’t have a problem with alcohol. I had a problem using alcohol to fill the void in my soul.

That realization not only ended my drinking, it ended my desire to drink.

I recently re-read “Eat, Pray, Love” and found the perfect takeaway to end this article.

“Don’t do what I do. Ask the questions I ask, and find your own answers.”

Read more about my sober journey here.

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