I am not a fraud

I just have imposter syndrome!

I usually can’t help this feeling of being an imposter. It’s a silent lingering feeling that attempts (and it does win sometimes) to make me feel like a fraud. No matter how many great things I achieve through hard work it finds a way to convince me that it was just mere luck (at least I have that, right!) and that I’d never be able to keep up with it.

Every day I publish a story I have to face an internal battle of whether I’d be exposed as a fraud because it’s impossible that I created such a good piece. The fear heightens when you amazing people clap and respond to my stories, I am afraid each time, that my luck is running out and soon you’d all see me for who I really am, a phony and nobody like that.

What is imposter syndrome?

It is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their achievements. The term was coined by clinical psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Chance and Suzanne A. Imes, they refer to it as:

“High-achieving individuals marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a ‘fraud’. Despite external evidence of their competence, [they] are convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.”

Now that you know what it is, chances are you have struggled with it at some point, who knows you might still be struggling with it. That’s okay. A whopping 70% of people have felt like imposters at some point in their lives. Chances are a lot of the people we know have experienced it at some point and we can share experiences and support each other.

Anybody can suffer from this, it is not a partial syndrome. However, I have reason to believe women tend to have it worse mostly as a result of societal conditioning. High achieving and successful people are also not left out, in fact, imposter syndrome tends to show it’s ugly head when you’ve achieved success in a feat.

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.” Maya Angelou

How do I know if I have imposter syndrome?

Here are some telltale signs that you might have imposter syndrome.

1. You worry you’d be exposed as a fraud: Does it bother you that soon your colleagues, friends, partners would discover you aren’t actually as good as you are? Do you feel like a fraud who is tricking people to think they are brilliant and talented?
2. Do you ever feel like you’ve run out of luck? This one is so real to me, especially with my writing. Every time I think my last good poem would be my last… as I am typing this I currently feel like I have run out of luck with my poetry so perhaps my day of reckoning is closer than I expected. Do you feel like your success is due to luck and soon you’d run out of luck and be seen for what you truly are?
3. You don’t know how to accept praises: This has nothing to do with that faux modesty we put up sometimes. You actually don’t believe you deserve the praise because you think you are a fraud and would be exposed.. you think there are other people who deserve all that praise. Anybody but you.
4. Extreme lack of self-confidence: when you constantly don’t believe in yourself, your ideas, your achievements, your dreams it makes it really easy to think you have just been lucky never mind all the hard work you put in. You ask yourself ‘who am I to achieve this?’ and that opens the door to feelings of being a fraud.

Hang on, let’s identify the different ways imposter syndrome manifests.

Expert on imposter syndrome Valerie Young, who is the author of a book on the subject, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, has also found patterns in people who experience impostor feelings and categorized them into subgroups. Let’s examine them briefly below.

1. The perfectionist: I’d say I fall under this category. Perfectionists are never satisfied with their work and constantly believe there is room for improvement. We tend to tweak and tweak (without making any significant difference) until we reach ‘perfection’. This brings a lot of pressure, procrastination, and anxiety.
2. The Superhero: this is another category I fall into. As a ‘superhero’, feelings of inadequacy will push you into working extra time so nobody notices any gaps. It might seem like a good thing until the pressure and anxiety breaks you. I mean, in the end, nobody really knows anything right?
3. The expert: wait, I fall into this category too? Just kidding, I don’t. These individuals are always trying to outdo themselves in learning. They feel the need to learn more and are never satisfied with their knowledge levels. These individuals are highly skilled and are experts in their field but sadly, they underestimate their own expertise.
4. The natural genius: These individuals set very big goals for themselves and the weight of those goals crush them when they don’t succeed. They believe if they can’t tackle a goal at the first attempt, they have failed. It is a lot of pressure and it can trigger anxiety and depression.
5. The soloist: These individuals prefer to work alone. They feel worthy when they are productive and reject offers of assistance. They find it difficult to ask for help because it doesn’t just look good on them. To them asking for help is a sign of incompetence.

Finally, to what’s most important:

How to cope with imposter syndrome

Imposter syndrome is something that just doesn’t go away. It’s uncomfortable and honestly painful especially because you are not a FRAUD! You work so hard yet you can’t enjoy the success, so unfair.

1. Acknowledge it: An estimated 70% of people have experienced this at some point and yet everyone is hush about it. We need to break the silence around it if we want to see change. Acknowledge it, talk about it to close friends and family. Knowing that you are not alone makes it less scary. If you want to delve deeper, then therapy is a good option.
2. Practice mindfulness: Change is not always loud. Stay in the present moment, worrying about the future will only take today’s peace. Yoga and meditation can help with achieving that. Remember (especially for the natural geniuses) that success isn’t only about the ease of accomplishment and result, it is about the intention and efforts. There are things that yoga and meditation teaches you that will help shape your perspective so take out time to practice and show yourself kindness.
3. Keep a list of compliments: This is one of my favorite. Doing this helps you have tangible ‘evidence’ of the praises you’ve received. Write them down and save in a box for later and when feelings of being an imposter come, you can just pull them out and remind yourself of how worthy you are. I screenshot all the responses I get on my stories and put them in a folder when I feel that way, I read them again and it does make me feel better, worthy of praise. Thank you to all of you who write responses to my stories. Celebrate yourself when in doubt, you are 100% that bitc…
4. Change your mindset: Gratitude should be your default mode. Stop thinking you’re a fraud and be thankful you for all your accomplishments. Track your thoughts and question them, find their true intentions, hindering, or helping? Confront your beliefs of yourself and dismantle them if they do not serve you. Think positive and refuse to give negative thoughts any space in your mind.
5. Stop comparing: every time you compare yourself to someone your self-worth drops a little. When you compare yourself, you begin to find ‘flaws and faults’ and they can fuel feelings of inadequacy which can lead to you feeling like a fraud. You are good as you are, flaws and all. There will never be another you and that’s that on that!
6. Regulate your social media hours: spending excessive hours on social media can be terrible for you and your mental health. The overuse of social media may be related to feelings of inferiority. We see people putting out only their best versions and we begin to compare our not so perfect selves to that. It’s an unfair comparison that will cause feelings of inferiority. What’s worse is you might feel the need to ‘keep up’ and portray a false image of yourself, this will only make your feelings of being a fraud worse.
7. Determine to remain undeterred: These feelings of being an imposter might persist but you have to refuse to let it stop you from pursuing your goals, from dreaming.. refuse to allow it stop you from having the fulfilled life you deserve.

Final notes

If you find yourself having feelings of being an imposter, you probably have experienced success to a degree and you are attributing it to external factors. Rather than doing that, practice gratitude. Be grateful for what you’ve accomplished, phony, or not. You did that, not him, not her, not them, YOU.

You are absolutely unique and worthy of every praise you receive. If you’ve tried everything and imposter syndrome insists on making a home out of you, please seek professional help.