I Am Frustrated

So many community organizations want to help solve problems with children and youth but no one holds parents accountable for helping.

It’s great that various community providers and organizations want to be there for children and youth. Dads and granddads are among those who have become mentors for them. Schools are stretched thin in supporting the varied needs of students. Educational leaders are doing what they can to utilize funding to address the mental and behavioral health of their learners who require interventions. And the list of helpers is vast. These days, all the people who are standing ready to help are unending.

After the mass shooting in Pittsburgh, PA on the morning of April 17, 2022, where 200 young people were crowded into an Airbnb property and two precious teens lost their lives, supports continues to pour into schools for students. Community leaders are trying to make a positive difference in the lives of youth. By the way, the link to the story that I published about this incident and my perspective on parenting deficits follows.

I think it is wonderful that the response has been so great because the traumatized young people at the Airbnb party need help.

This dreadful shooting incident as well as the recent explosion of gun violence that is not exclusive to the Pittsburgh region has caused political and community leaders to try to figure out solutions that will stop the violence. All of these efforts are commendable.

But I am experiencing a lot of frustration as a family engagement influencer because all these efforts simply are not enough.

This Is Why I’m So Disheartened

My professional mission is to ignite parent engagement in the lives of their children within the home and their education. I continue to advance the belief that parents must be critical partners throughout their child’s learning experience and every component of their lives.

It is disheartening when so many well-meaning people who endeavor to mentor and support our youth as well as those who work hard to solve the problems that impact them have been excluding the people who need to be a part of these processes.

Simply stated, parents hold the key to making a difference in the lives of their children. When all the voices who work to make a positive difference in the lives of young people exclude parents, several things happen.

1. The mothers and fathers who need to be more accountable in their child’s lives realize that they do not have to be because the community will be there to resolve issues.
2. Disengaged parents conclude that they do not have to participate or remain active in their child’s life because others will be involved in the lives of their children. There is the realization that others will eagerly replace them.
3. Parents who have functioned as parent leaders within schools and communities will assume more responsibilities because some parents will continue to remain apathetic and absent in their child’s lives.
4. Some parents will never become responsible parents.

Parents have got to be a part of the solutions involving their children. And the time is right for this to happen.

What Time Is It?

It’s time for leaders within our society to include parents and boldly hold all of them and not just those who have always been leaders, accountable for making a positive difference in their child’s life.

It’s time for people who lead initiatives that help children and youth to stop enabling parents who have always been invisible by making excuses for them. (As I watched a news segment of a community mentor committed to helping students, I was horrified when I heard him dismiss parents as being capable partners in helping to resolve concerns with children. The person said,

“parents are preoccupied”

as if they have a free pass to distance themselves from issues their children create or have.) That is such a ludicrous perspective! If parents cannot function as strong parents, it becomes the responsibility of schools, social service agencies, faith-based organizations, law enforcement, and so many other entities to unify and provide parent training programs for mothers and fathers who need help developing their parenting skills.

It’s time for school, political, law enforcement, religious, and community leaders to develop a backbone and speak the truth about the need for all parents to become committed to taking the lead in solving the problems that many of their children either create or have. In doing so, reality must be acknowledged and celebrated. When parents remain actively engaged in their child’s life within the home and at school, the less likely it is that their children become involved in the habitual instances of school and community disruptions. This includes committing violent acts.

Thank you for reading this story. I am hoping that all the well-meaning people who endeavor to help our youth will remember to boldly hold parents accountable for helping. The assistance of mothers and fathers cannot be a suggestion or optional. It must become mandatory.

What do you think?

Here is my golden ticket that helps me accomplish my mission.

Dr. Deborah M. Vereen is a retired Teacher and School Administrator. Her website is www.Drdeborahmvereen.com and her YouTube Channel is