I Am Enough for Myself.

Summary

The author reflects on the importance of self-acceptance and self-esteem, emphasizing that external validation is insufficient if one does not feel inherently "enough."

Abstract

The article delves into the personal journey of the author in understanding and overcoming the feeling of not being "enough." Through introspection during daily commutes, the author realizes the importance of self-approval over seeking validation from others. The piece touches on the challenges of self-analysis, the influence of societal standards, and the impact of low self-esteem on personal relationships and professional life. Drawing inspiration from Selena Gomez's candidness about her struggles, the author suggests that self-worth is an individual responsibility and can be improved through various means such as reading, therapy, or coaching. The text underscores the dangers of self-doubt and the importance of faith in oneself, while also acknowledging the societal pressures and the natural human tendency to dramatize life events. The author concludes by advocating for self-work to address feelings of inadequacy and encourages seeking professional help when necessary.

Opinions

The author believes that self-esteem is a prerequisite for feeling good about oneself, regardless of external achievements or recognition.
There is a critique of the tendency to seek approval from others, which the author sees as less important than self-acceptance.
The article suggests that self-doubt can lead to tolerating negative behaviors and situations, including toxic relationships and unsatisfying jobs.
The author emphasizes the importance of personal faith and the belief in one's ability to overcome self-imposed limitations.
There is an observation that some individuals may thrive on drama and negative emotions, which the author advises against for a healthier and longer life.
The author promotes the idea of using tools such as books, therapy, or personal coaching to improve self-esteem.
The text reflects on the idea that the true pain lies not in external setbacks but in the internal belief of not being "enough."
The author concludes that addressing personal feelings of inadequacy is crucial and that professional help should be sought when negative feelings impede daily life.

Nobody will make us feel good if we don’t feel good about ourselves first

Like many people, I have often felt that I am not enough. Sometimes I wake up and feel that I am not as beautiful as I should be, that I am not tall enough, that I am not as smart as I should be… Anyway, so many things go through my mind that sometimes I wonder if I am boycotting myself trying to reach standards that are far from reality.

I usually take public transport on my way to work and I have realized that I spend so much time traveling that I could use it for an introspective analysis. Understand why I am so demanding on myself, how capricious I am about my life needs, and whether what I really desire is born out of necessity or from the mere fact of continuing to garner recognition from both my immediate environment and my work. Certainly, my time on the bus has been productive. Here I am writing this new piece for my blog.

One of the most difficult tasks I am facing right now is writing about my own experiences. I have always been an analytical person, I like to listen rather than talk. I nourish myself with books, stories, anecdotes of people around me and from there I draw conclusions that I can tell to others´.

Sometimes I find my feelings overwhelming and my way of neutralizing them is to look for logical explanations within the neurological framework. The way I hammer myself with technicalities, reading and more reading, makes me not really understand my feelings or what I want 100%. I need to learn to listen to myself and understand why I feel like nothing I do in life is enough.

Discussing this topic with few of my close friends, I have found that regardless of age, sex, social, economic or cultural position, we go around the world looking for people’s approval, when it should come, first of all, from ourselves, from our inner self. From there, the rest should be the least of our worries.

I remember, I saw little fragments on instagram of the speech of Selena Gomez at the American Music Awards. If I am not mistaken, she said something like: “I had to stop. Because I had everything and yet I was absolutely broken inside”. Her words resonated in my heart on that occasion and I still repeat them to myself every now and then. Sometimes I have to stop.

With the Christmas vacations so close, and taking into account that in a month I will start thinking about how my 2020 has been, I realize that no matter what successes I achieve, no matter what victories I accomplish, nothing and nobody will make us feel good if we don’t feel good about ourselves first. If our self-esteem is hurt, there is no way to feel “enough”.

Pretty enough to please the guy who catches our eye, smart enough to get the job we want, bold enough to succeed in that new business we want to start; generous enough, smart enough, brave enough, independent enough, you name it.

But as Selena said, “If you’re broken, you don’t have to stay broken”. I guess a first step to raising self-esteem is to know that we have to do this work and that there are different tools to help us, from books (I highly recommend Byron Katie’s) to therapy or personal coaching.

I believe that having self-doubt makes us accept behaviors and attitudes that we wouldn’t have to, whether it’s called a toxic or even abusive relationship or a rude and humiliating boss. And that can be really dangerous. Another factor that seems to me to be decisive in deciding whether or not to drown in a glass of water (as I tend to do), is the faith we have in ourselves, in knowing ourselves well enough to know that you will come out of the situation regardless of how self-boycotting you are. Believing in God or in destiny is also comforting (at least for me). I try to think that what is written for me will not leave me just because I have doubts.

I have come to think that there is a certain type of people who enjoy adding drama to their life, when in my opinion life already has enough drama to cover few human lives. I consider it almost a fact that there are people who enjoy getting intoxicated with negative vibes and feelings, and they do so because it is something that works for them. But if you, like me, prefer to live longer and better, we really, and I cannot stress this enough, must deprogram ourselves from tragicomedy.

If people don’t go or don’t invite us to their weddings or birthdays it is alright. If we do not get the job we want, there are a few more to apply to. If you have to work as something outside of your field, guess what? it is OK. And if you really cannot do anything but procrastinate for a week, you surely deserve it. 2020 has been a hell of a year. At the end of the day, it’s something that it didn’t kill us (which is 99% factual, sorry this one time I do not have experimental data to show you, allow me).

As a final reflexion, I want to believe that what hurts, isn´t not being considered, losing a job opportunity or failing non-stop for months. What really hurts is not feeling “enough”/ adequate to be considered.

We have to remind ourselves that that is our personal problem, that can surely be fixed. It is a problem of self-consideration that we have to work on, I have to work on… And the sooner, the better. Finally, seeking professional help when facing negative feelings that do not allow us to carry on our daily routines is totally a must.