I Am Definitely Not the Average of the 5 People I Spend Most of My Time With

It’s not just about who you spend time with — it’s about what kind of information you expose yourself to.

According to motivational speaker Jim Rohn, we are the average of the five people that we spend the most time with. That’s a pretty cool statement, and I guess it doesn’t even need to be backed up by science for us to understand why it’s true.

We all know that we slightly change our behaviour around different groups of people, and I think that’s pretty normal. At least it always was for me.

I was born in Vienna, and I grew up here, but my family is from Turkey. And in Turkish culture, we are quite respectful when it comes to how we treat our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and everyone else who is older than ourselves.

When I was still at school, I was cursing quite a lot. There was no particular reason, it just was my type of talking in German.

But as far as I remember, I’d never used a single abusive word in Turkish in my life. I hardly had Turkish friends in my life, so the language itself was always connected to my family, and of course, I never wanted to curse in front of my family, that’s just not how my parents reared me.

At school, I was a different person than at home. So, which average was I? The average of the five friends I had at school or the average of my family?

I guess I was a mixture of different people — and that definitely extended beyong five.

In fact, what the quote “You’re the average of the five people spend the most time wit,” states is that you are heavily influenced by the people who surround you and so you should take care of your social circle as it’ll determine your success and in life.

I completely agree with that. And I teach that quote and the importance of creating your social circle according to your goals and desires in your life in most of my online courses and workshops.

However, I don’t think that it entirely applies to me.

I spend almost 24 hours every day with my boyfriend. We are both digital entrepreneurs working from home most of the time. The only time we don’t see each other is when I visit my family for a few hours, when one of us meets friends or goes to events (which usually happens once a month or so), or when I hit the gym while he is out for a run.

Obviously, we both influence each other tremendously. Spending 24 hours together in a romantic relationship is not as easy and fun as it might sound.

Sometimes, you sit next to each other for 12 hours but don’t really appreciate your partners’ presence because you are used to him being there. That’s why we schedule date nights every week. We create appointments with each other in our calendars and take time for our relationship even though we spend the whole day together.

So, obviously, my boy hugely influences me. Everything he reads, thinks, does, and believes has an impact on me. If he performs well, does a lot of sports and eats great food instead of crap, I do so as well.

But who else has such an influence on me? Nobody I personally know, I guess.

Currently, I hardly have close friends with whom I spend a lot of time. And that’s perfectly fine because I actively designed my life that way.

Besides my boyfriend, the other four people I spend most of my time with physically are my mum, my dad, my brother, and my sister. Simple as that.

I love my family. I am beyond grateful for them, and for everything they helped me to achieve so far. However, when it comes to how I think, act, and what I believe, I am quite different from my parents. And my sister and brother are both younger than me, thus I don’t believe that they have a significant influence on me.

If I’m Not the Average of Those Five People, Then Who?

The answer is simply everyone else I meet. And everyone whose content I consume. At least, that’s my guess.

I didn’t do any research on that, but I’ve spent quite a lot of time analyzing the things that shape my thinking and behaviour.

And I realized that the content I consume daily has the most significant influence on me. At least that’s the current truth.

I read one book per week, on average, listen to several hours of podcasts while working out, watch inspirational videos, and read several articles on Medium every day. I spend way more time consuming high-class content from the world’s most successful people than I spend being around my family or friends.

As a result, I believe that my thinking and behaviour are actually shaped according to what I consume — more so than they are by the people I spend most of my time with.

I once watched a video of Evan Carmichael in which he said that he feels he’s surrounded by the world’s greatest minds all day, thus he also implements their way of thinking and behaving.

Evan runs a vast YouTube channel where he summarizes key learnings from super successful people. As a result, he feels as if he is around them all day long.

I don’t own a YouTube channel, and I don’t cut videos, but I can relate to Evan a lot. I feel as if I am also the average of all the content that I consume.

I guess that what you consume digitally has a massive impact on your thinking, too — a point of view that Rohn’s quote misses out. If I’d watch low-quality news all day and listen to all the bad things going on all around the world, I’d probably be in another state of mind and way of thinking.

Yet what I actually do is consume very little, but high-quality information on the news — mainly personal growth and business content from people whom I admire.

Every social network I check, every newsletter that I receive, every podcast that I listen to, is full of inspiration. I motivate myself by listening to amazing people several hours per day, plus reading their words.

And I believe that’s what shapes my thinking tremendously. I guess all the knowledge I gather is what ends up being my personality.

Of course, I don’t become one of these people by reading their books and watching their videos without taking action, but it widely influences how I think and act.

If I had a wider social circle, if I met friends several times per week and spent my time with more people in general, I might be their average. Yet, as I spend a considerable part of my time in front of my laptop, kindle, or my books, I assume that’s what shapes me.

I should note that I don’t even actively try to avoid people. In fact, I go to quite a lot of events from time to time. When I’m hosting my workshops, I meet a lot of new people. But I don’t spend much time with them. It’s just a few hours on that event or workshop.

And even though these are mostly high-achieving and ambitious people, I don’t believe they influence my personality as much as the daily content I consume.

Right now, I am focusing primarily on improving myself and strengthening my business. I know that my priorities might change in a few years or even months, but, right now, that’s what feels right, so I’ll keep spending the majority of my time learning, growing, and digitally surrounding myself with fabulous people.

What We Consume Daily Shapes Our Lives

I always reflect on my relationships and whether I want to spend more time with someone or not. If I meet new people, at an event, for instance, who give off bad vibes and spread negativity, I distance myself.

My energy is my most valuable resource, and I don’t let anyone influence it in a bad way. I guess that’s the secret to being happy and in balance.

We can always decide with whom we spend our precious time, and sometimes, it can be hard to decline an invitation, but it might be the only choice if you want to protect your positive energy and keep focusing on your goals.

I believe that what we consume daily shapes our lives. Having a critical look at all the content that you let inside your mind can be a huge step towards personal improvement and growth.

There are so many great resources with free information and inspiration. By consuming these types of input daily, you stand to automatically change your thinking, even if it’s unconsciously.

That, I think, is just as important as the five people we spend most of our time with.

Want to grow? Grab my free Personal Growth Toolkit with 42 effective & actionable tactics, resources & tools to elevate your life.