I am Afraid of Succeeding
I fear success more than I fear failing
I am more of afraid of succeeding than I am of failing.
I know in the depths of my soul that if I try, If I keep at it, I will succeed.
And that scares me.
I am afraid of getting the very things that I want.
I want to be known I want my words to echo in hearts across the globe
But, I am afraid of being an empty echo, afraid of being a loud bang that vibrates but then fizzles out or a voice that catches their attention and then fades
I want to leave an imprint in hearts now, and for generations yet unborn
But I am afraid that with each clap comes a greater pressure to stay worthy. Pressure to be worthy of the next clap
I am afraid of letting them down.
I’m afraid of getting addicted to the applause Afraid of needing a supply that is outside of myself
Afraid that they would want more than I can give Afraid that I would stop being enough
The cure to this fear?
Stay true to myself Focus on not letting me down
Make sure that these ears do not become deaf deafened by the applause That these eyes do not become blind blinded by the lights
I will listen I will care
But I will not tune out my voice I will not let the cheers overwhelm my heart
and if tomorrow the words do not come I’ll remember that I am only a vessel
I will not force it No pressure to perform
I’ll stay open I’ll stay yielded I’ll keep listening I’ll be ready again when it’s time.
~ Deola August 8, 2022
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