I am a Human Being

This week my essay was challenging to create. What I planned was to write part two of my series on healing from burnout. The truth is, I am beginning my journey and these pieces are nowhere near being ready.

At a loss for an idea, I searched my inbox for motivation. Those articles everyone keeps until they have time to read them. Usually, they don’t get looked at and I eventually delete them. Like all the TEDs I saved.

However, this author I enjoy reading. I saw one I put aside regarding New Year’s resolutions. Yes, I know that was months ago. But there it was saying “You’ll be back.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s newsletter. Not seeing anything else piquing my interest, I read it.

I study the Stoics (thanks, Ryan Holiday) and I guess so does Arnold as he cited Marcus Aurelius and it hit home with me. That is how it is when you read. It can take more than one time for it to sink in.

“At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm? ​ So you were born to feel “nice”? Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands?

You don’t love yourself enough. Or you’d love your nature too, and what it demands of you.”

You were born to feel “nice”?

Understanding the need to care for myself is important because I put myself on the back burner. I am certain I will stumble and skin my knees over the next months as I grow. I can only do what I’m capable of. Can’t do a hundred essays in a hundred days, let’s do one a week.

I am learning how to balance my needs. That includes my self-talk–I am too fat, too middle-aged, too, whatever. That’s when the overwhelm will kick in.

I felt I was too old as a writer. Then, I came across a quote from Clint Eastwood about how he ages so well.

“You’re as young as you feel. As young as you want to be. There’s an old saying I heard from a friend of mine. People ask him, “Why do you look so good at your age?” He’ll say, “Because I never let the old man in.” And there’s truth to that. It’s in your mind, how far you let him come in.”

You’re as young as you feel.

My nature is that of a writer. Now trying to get back into it and it’s not always easy. Especially when your own body is working against you. I work on not letting the tired old lady in–the one whose joints hurt and backaches.

But many times, the panic will set in, and I require a workaround when that happens.

My eldest kiddo calls it hacking their brain. When I first realized I was burned out, I was healing from surgery and then sickness. Everything was too much. From brushing my teeth to taking a shower, I would much rather have stayed warm and snug in my blanket. That’s not how life works. That’s not how being human works.

So, I developed a routine for when I became overwhelmed. I go to Amazon Music or Youtube and find a happy playlist. Once that is going, then take the baby steps to a shower, teeth brushing, and reminding myself I was off work so there was no need to rush myself. Take the time to meditate and relax, to regenerate. To tell me, I am worthy and important.

Now, as I am farther along, I do my meditation, my Duolingo, Wordle, still a routine but not as regimented.

This may be simplistic to someone who is psychologically and physically healthy. I’m not there yet. I’m a work in progress. One unusual aspect is I now get down when the sun sets–which is odd as I always enjoyed them. Instead of waiting for the dark to come, I switch on the light. And it has made all the difference.

Life throws you off balance at times and you need to recalibrate, reset. If I start over a thousand times, do you know what that means? It means I’m human.

Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day!