Summary

The text reflects on the nature of love and relationships, emphasizing the importance of personal growth, independence, and the cyclical pattern of coming back to a partner after periods of solitude and self-discovery.

Abstract

The author of the text, "I Always Come Back," delves into the complexities of love and personal relationships, acknowledging the necessity of taking breaks to nurture one's own creativity and authenticity. The piece suggests that true intimacy may sometimes require distance, as it allows individuals to maintain their sense of self and appreciate their partner more fully. The author admits to having an avoidant attachment style but insists that their departures are not a sign of pathology but a pursuit of genuine connection and self-awareness. The text underscores the belief that relationships can evolve positively through periods of separation, as it provides space for growth and reflection, ultimately leading to a deeper understanding and love for one another.

Opinions

The author values solitude and the creative inspiration it brings, which they consider essential for their art and personal growth.
They believe that loving someone deeply from a distance can be more valuable than staying in an unfulfilling relationship.
The author identifies with having a love avoidant attachment style but rejects the notion that this is something to be pathologized.
They emphasize the importance of honesty, integrity, and being a kindred spirit in their relationships.
The author warns intimate partners about their need for periodic solitude but assures that they will always return.
They see the changes that occur during absences as signs of growth and a healthier way of relating to one another.
The author suggests that distance is necessary to fully appreciate and see another person, as well as oneself.
They propose that leaving for a while or letting someone go can be an act of love, allowing individuals to return with a renewed sense of self and connection.
The author questions the conventional understanding of love, implying that real love might involve periods of separation and return.

LIFE & POETRY

I Always Come Back

On love…

I always come back.

I’ve told this to a person in my time or two

and they don’t usually believe it to be true

but I do.

I may not be quite the same me I was before our paths parted

and neither will you, probably but you see I had to go for a while.

Or perhaps it was you that was meant to go.

But

I always come back

I’ve said this to people.

It’s because I know I’ll need to wander off to discover and learn new things. I’m deeply curious by nature and am here to experience this life fully. Not just stagnate safely in routine.

It’s because I thrive on solitude and the creativity that silence brings.

I could say it’s for my art and I need authenticity and inspiration to be a fully creative individual.

But in truth, it‘s not that either.

It’s because I prefer to love someone deeply from a distance than to waste valuable time relating in ways that kill a soul or spirit because nobody is happy with a situation. Or even really “there”.

While this has shown up in breaks alone to camps sites in mountains at times, it‘s also shown up in my relationships.

You don’t have to pathologize it.

I know full well if I were to label myself, it would be a love avoidant attachment style.

Little boxes, little boxes…

I need to remember who I am at times, without the inevitable “noise” of two respective histories banging around in our respective skulls.

And so, I warn my intimate partners that, at some point, I will go.

But

when I find another human being who is genuine, who walks with honesty and integrity in action and not only words, and who is clearly a kindred spirit… I always come back.

I may be gone for some time.

The “relationship” may have changed entirely when I return.

That is okay.

That’s growth.

That is far better than not being able to appreciate a whole person as the unique and wondrous being they are, who has chosen to spend valuable time with me in this one life…

because we’re both up too close to each other, to even see “other” fully anymore. Or ourselves.

What’s the point of that when the magik of “relating” is to be given the opportunity to glimpse another’s world in this experience we call “Life”?

Or to glimpse ourselves fully, in their mirroring of us, in the small moments that we’re able to.

This is impossible without enough distance to see the whole picture.

Sometimes, to love someone “well” (or to love ourselves “well”)… we may need to leave for a while. Or to let someone go and find themselves.

But

(we) always come back.

So in a sense, we never really leave.

Isn’t this how real love is supposed to “work”?

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