Summary

The author, a person with ADHD, reflects on their personal journey with the condition, from childhood misconceptions to adult challenges in work, relationships, and decision-making, while also considering ADHD's impact on their life as both a struggle and a potential "superpower."

Abstract

The author openly discusses their experience living with ADHD, beginning with the misunderstandings and misdiagnoses they faced as a child in the 1980s. They recount being labeled as a dreamer or overly talkative, and the difficulty in maintaining eye contact due to hyperfocusing on distant thoughts. Despite repeated parent-teacher concerns, a clear diagnosis of ADHD was elusive due to the condition being primarily associated with hyperactive boys at the time. The author describes being called a "lazy learner" and the subsequent impact on their self-perception. It wasn't until the 1990s that the author, and others, began to recognize ADHD in themselves as adults, challenging the notion that it was solely a childhood learning disability. The author was formally diagnosed with ADHD twice, once in their 20s and again in their 30s, and has grappled with the condition's influence on their professional life, including issues with multitasking and job stability. Personal relationships and impulse control, particularly in shopping and decision-making, are also areas where the author has faced challenges. Despite these struggles, the author acknowledges the pattern of behavior associated with ADHD and expresses a desire to break free from it, while also recognizing the tendency to procrastinate, a common trait among individuals with ADHD.

Opinions

The author believes ADHD is often misunderstood and mischaracterized, particularly in how it affects individuals beyond childhood.
They challenge the stigma associated with ADHD, suggesting that it can be viewed as a "superpower" rather than a lifelong disability.
The author is critical of the societal expectation to multitask, asserting that it is not feasible for them or, according to scientific evidence, for anyone.
They express frustration with the impact of ADHD on their career, highlighting the difficulty in finding a job that accommodates their need for hyperfocus without excessive multitasking.
In terms of personal relationships, the author admits to struggles with communication and social cues, which they attribute to their ADHD.
The author acknowledges their own impulsive spending habits and decision paralysis when faced with too many choices, both common issues for people with ADHD.
There is a sense of self-reflection and a desire to overcome the patterns of behavior linked to ADHD, although the author is aware of their tendency to procrastinate on making significant life changes.

I Admit it. I Have ADHD.

There should be no shame in it.

Yes, I admit it, I have ADHD. I know that some of you think there is no such thing as ADHD, but there is.

As a kid in the 80s, I was either the dreamer or the Chatty Cathy, depending on my mood. But, yes, I do remember staring out into outer space at times, only to be interrupted by someone who asked me, “What are you looking at?”

I was not looking at them at all, but the wall behind them where I was hyper-focusing off into outer space. That experience made me not look into other people’s eyes. I am still struggling with eye contact to this very day.

During parent/teacher interviews, I remember the teachers telling my parents that something was wrong with me. My parents then went to as many doctors and child psychologists in the city, only to hear that there was nothing wrong with me. And then the run around starts up again the following parent/teacher interview.

One or two psychologists did mention something that was only for boys, and it didn’t apply to me. But, of course, they were referring to ADD, and at that time, it was only diagnosed in hyperactive boys and that they could grow out of it.

Also, during that time, one of my teachers said to my parents that I am a lazy learner. So that’s what my mother called me through most of my life.

When did ADHD become an issue for everyone?

It wasn’t until the 90s that some mothers and fathers realized that their kids were acting like they did when they were the same age. So they began to think that they might also still have ADHD. It was when it stopped being a learning disability that no one can grow out of it.

However, I would not call ADHD a lifelong disability. Instead, some of us will call it our superpower, even though we still struggle with it.

When Was I Finally Diagnosed?

I was diagnosed twice with ADHD. Once when I was in my final year of university in my 20s. At that time, I had been to four different Secondary Educational Institutions (two years each) for eight years to get a degree that usually takes someone to get in four years. I am still having issues with decisions to this very day.

I did end up being the one that made ADHD an excuse. I was still the constant talker at that time. So I stopped making that the main focus and started to believe what those naysayers say about this issue.

The second time that I got diagnosed was close to 10 years ago, in my 30s. I again when I went to university to get another degree. But this time around, I didn’t make ADHD an excuse. I didn’t talk about it all that much, even when I got my first job after graduating. But I did start to pay attention to it more.

ADHD And Work.

The difference between the first diagnosis and the second time was that I didn’t know that ADHD affected all aspects of my life, including work.

One thing that I already knew from my work history is that I cannot multitask. I understand that no one can. But there are still people out there that still believe that they can multitask, despite the amount of scientific evidence out there that says that no one can. For me, every time I have to multitask for work, I end up shaking and thinking that I have to be doing everything perfectly.

The job that I had before this pandemic required me to multitask. The problem with that is my hyperfocus. One of the duties that I hated was to answer the phone because they didn’t have a receptionist. When I am creative, I would rather be hyperfocused on what I write. For me, a phone call disrupts my creativity. At the end of the call, I then wondered where I was before it rang.

Also, I was supposed to learn a specific software (Which the Broadcasting school I went to had never done) required for someone in my position (I did check out other help wanted ads). But I ended up writing, dealing with phone calls, and cleaning the office (Which I am not great at doing).

That job soon became tiresome. I tried to ask other co-workers if they wanted help, only to hear a no.

It got me thinking about all of the other jobs that I did. As you see, adults with ADHD have problems holding down a job. Since I was either fired, laid off, or quit in all of my work histories, I am no exception. Yes, I am a professional job hopper. Some of my past jobs were ones that I was happy that they let me hyper-focus on what they hired me for. The ones that I hated required me to multitask and paid low wages.

The longest time that I stayed at one employment was my last one, which was eight years. My shortest was a day at Tim Hortons.

Relationships.

Yes, ADHD affects relationships as well. To this day, I am still single, never married, and have no kids. Even though I am in my 40s, I still want the marriage and kids.

There are reasons why I am still single. I mentioned that I am a Chatty Cathy. There are times where I do take over a conversation and talk a lot. I hate doing that. I also, at times, tend to interrupt. I also can’t read body language. Plus, I know that I have some bad habits like having my hair out of place (Yes, I do comb it. But sometimes the wind blows it out of place.), wearing wrinkled clothes (I hate ironing with a passion), and some other things that I don’t want to mention here.

There are also the issues of emotional deregulation and forgetfulness. Yes, I admit, I yelled at my mother because her idea of helping me fix something was telling me what to do instead of lifting a finger.

As for forgetfulness, well, that’s only an issue if you want me to get back to you in a couple of days. It’s unlikely that I will do that.

Impulse Shopping.

Yes, people with ADHD are impulsive spenders. I was like that in my young adult years up until I was living on my own for the first time in my 40s. I guess that it’s the age for me. Some other people with ADHD, are still struggling to save money no matter their age.

Decisions, Decisions.

I also have some problems making a decision. There are some decisions that where there are tons of options that I have to choose from. A person with ADHD does get overwhelmed if there are too many choices to make. For example, where do I want to eat? Well, I check my stomach, and it doesn’t say anything. So my answer is anywhere you want to go that doesn’t have seafood.

Taking Me A Long Time To Do Tasks That I Don’t Like to do.

Hey, I love to hyperfocus when I am creative. When I am finished with that and look at the clock, it’s already dinner time. No wonder it takes me an hour to write a 30-second radio commercial at my last job.

Then there are tasks that I think are boring that I procrastinate on or take me a lot longer to do than someone with a neurotypical brain. This also includes writing some stuff that I think is boring (Which hasn’t happened on this site yet).

Pattern.

I did notice a big huge pattern in my life where my ADHD is an issue. It is about making the big decisions in my life. It started ever since I was born.

When I was a kid, I let my parents make some of my decisions, as my mother wanted me to be a Girl Guide. However, I was not too fond of that because I hate wearing the same thing all the time, plus I had to quit because the available badges weren’t my cup of tea.

I wish that I did tell my mother that I wanted to be in the school choir. But, unfortunately, it’s written in the newsletter that my mother used as a placemat because she can’t read English.

There were some choices that I let my parents know what I wanted.

But then I turned 18 and soon went to four different universities and colleges to get a four-year degree. Then jump from job to job. Get some more training in the office, jump from more job to job. I was then getting my final degree to do it all over again.

With relationships, I had only three relationships in my life before I started to take a very long break from it to focus on myself. I am back in the dating game, but I haven’t found anyone yet. It also could be due to my indecision. I mean, I don’t think that they were suitable for me. Or is my ADHD making me too picky? I don’t know.

I want to break this lifelong pattern, and I know that this is the most challenging thing that I will ever do. But then again, like most people with ADHD, I will procrastinate on that.

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