I, A Super Hugger, Am Pumped To Be Fully Vaccinated

Summary

The author, self-described as a "super hugger," is excited about being fully vaccinated and plans to enthusiastically embrace people, including family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and even strangers, as a way to make up for the lack of physical affection during the Covid pandemic.

Abstract

The article titled "I, A Super Hugger, Am Pumped To Be Fully Vaccinated" humorously conveys the author's joy and anticipation at being able to freely hug others after receiving the Covid vaccine. The author expresses mock disappointment at the hesitance to hug during the pandemic but understands the necessity for caution. Now, armed with vaccination, the author is eager to resume their role as a prolific hugger, not only within their social circle but also extending warm, possibly unsolicited, embraces to service workers, old acquaintances, and even lost strangers asking for directions. The article humorously suggests that the author's hugs are not just gestures of affection but life-saving acts, equating the lack of hugs to a lack of food. The author playfully acknowledges potential overenthusiasm, joking about HR complaints and the speed of elderly individuals' mobility scooters in the face of their hugging zeal.

Opinions

The author feels that the lack of hugging during the pandemic has been a significant loss.
They believe that being fully vaccinated now allows them to hug without reservation.
The author humorously suggests that their hugs are essential for survival.
They plan to hug everyone, regardless of the depth of their relationship, including strangers.
The author is aware of societal norms and potential discomfort their hugging may cause but seems undeterred.
They equate their eagerness to hug with being "virally invincible" and view their vaccinated status as a green light for physical affection.
The author jokes about the potential for their hugs to be misinterpreted or unwelcome, indicating a self-awareness of the humorous extremity of their position.

C’mere you

There have been a lot of downsides to the Covid pandemic but the most tragic by far has been the reluctance to hug, and more specifically, the reluctance to hug me.

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t hurt by so many of you choosing the well-being of you and your family over my simple gesture of affection, but I understood. Now, however, you have no excuse. I’ve had a double shot of Pfizer, and I plan to spend the summer as a chrome-plated virally invincible hugging machine.

And not just with family or close friends, although it goes without saying that if you fall into one of those categories, I will attach myself to you like a barnacle every time we meet. Anything less than ten seconds isn’t a hug, and I wouldn’t do that to you.

Great to see you again, co-workers! Come here — sorry, sometimes my hand placement is off. No, I haven’t gotten an email from HR yet, why do you ask?

Old grade school acquaintance I just ran into at Starbucks? I’m gonna squeeze you like you’re shipping off to storm the beaches at Normandy. I love you, man.

“Hi, I’m Julie, and I’ll be your server tonight.” Julie, did you know that four hugs a day are necessary just for survival? That’s right, no hugs will kill you faster than no food. Now bring it in, I’m going to save your life.

Why yes, lost stranger, I do know how to get to Bloor Street. It’s just three blocks in that direction — ha, gotcha. Don’t struggle, it just encourages me.

Hey elderly people, you better hope that mobility scooter moves faster than I do because I’ve been banking these hugs for the last fifteen months and they’ve gotta go somewhere.

And forget about air kisses, folks. I’m planting one right on your cheek, and if you’re not masked — and why would you be, I’m virus-free, most likely — you might just get it on the lips. Only a monster would refuse, after all that we, and especially me, have been through in the last year.

Don’t say you haven’t been warned, ha ha ha, just kidding. Look forward to hugging you soon.

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HUMOR

I, A Super Hugger, Am Pumped To Be Fully Vaccinated

C’mere you

Please Accept My Apology For Letting The Zombie Virus Escape From My Lab

This is so embarrassing