Hypnagogic Hallucinations: A Follow-up Story

“ The Storm” and why I disagree.

Just recently, someone read a story I wrote about a childhood incident, I had. See below:

This was very real to me. Here was the fellow writer’s take on what it was.

Hypnagogic hallucinations, also sometimes referred to as waking dreams, are a type of hallucination that occurs as a person is drifting off to sleep. In general, hallucinations involve seeing, hearing, feeling, or smelling something that is not actually present. Hypnagogic hallucinations primarily involve seeing things that are not there.

I’m not going to say that writer is wrong, but some things don’t add up as far as I am concerned.

My family life was very stressful. We all had to deal with poverty, and alcoholism, thanks to my Dad; school, grades, nuns, my Mom’s anger issues, kids, teachers, etc.

There were eight kids, plus Mom and Dad. Mom took care of the house and the kids. (Can you imagine?) Dad worked various jobs and finally settled as a carpenter and worked for a company building houses in Atlanta.

We all originally moved down from Indiana, because the winters were so brutal and Dad could not find work. He was a pipe fitter at the time, but the weather made that unbearable. One day, my parents had enough and decided to move to Georgia where the weather was more bearable. It was cold in the winter, and things froze, but there was no snow many feet deep on cars, roofs, and the ground.

In Indiana, I remember, when I was two or three, being lifted up to a window to see the snow. I will never forget that glimpse. Cars were covered by feet of snow and it was dark and stormy.

Even, once we moved to Atlanta, we still moved a lot until my Dad found a place for all of us to reside for a time. They did not make plans beforehand. At the time of the move, there were five kids; three more were born in Atlanta.

We were helped and taken in by a church that is still in existence today. We had donations of clothes and so forth, and we always had Thanksgiving turkey and presents for Christmas. The nuns made Holy Communion and Confirmation dresses for my sister and me. Sister also made a few other dresses for us for school.

For entertainment, we all would cram in the car and go to the drive-in. I watched horror movies a lot. The worst one that really scared me was “Dracula.” I had sore throats from then until I was an adult and realized that my sore throats came from my adverse reaction to that movie.

Don’t take your kids to scary movies when they are young. You don’t know what the effects could be.

When my father died, I was ten, and we could not get help from the church anymore. Even some of the kids turned their backs on us. Seems like that would have been the time for more help, but it wasn’t.

Moved to another area of Atlanta

I really don’t know how Mom did it with five kids and no husband. She did not work outside the home, either. This was late 1950’s and early 1960’s. My older brothers went into the armed services, while my older sister got married.

We all went to public school now. Man! That was such a different experience. I didn’t know you didn’t have to cover your books with paper to keep them from being bruised up, raise your hand, stand when you were called on, keep your personal belongings tight, so you wouldn’t lose them, etc. I remember another girl who apparently came from a Catholic school, and she still did those things. I acclimated quickly and did not stand out. I had such low self-esteem.

We moved into some apartments that were low rent. They were called “projects” at the time. Mom provided a nice place for us to live. They were townhouses. (As payment to my Mom, I started dating a boy, got pregnant, and had a baby.) Sad when you think about it.

Maybe that’s where all the resentment started because she never wanted to see her kids or her grand kids after that. My two brothers were left to look in on her since they both lived close. She was so unbearable that they could not deal with her, so they left her on her own.

She ended up with colon cancer and died of a heart attack in the hospital. She was 85. She was not alone. I could not go to see her as I had a mentally sick husband and babies at the time.

My brothers resent me for that, but what could I do? My hands were tied.

The Present

All of my siblings are gone except my two younger brothers. They don’t speak to one another even though they live close. I moved to South Florida, so it will be a trek for anyone interested in my funeral. My oldest brother, who was 78 just died about 4 years ago, and my sister who was a few years younger than me died about 3 years ago. We are all estranged but I try to say hello anyway.

I live here with my twin sons (29) and my daughter who will be 55 in March. She has not forgiven me either, for leaving her when she was 4. She has a daughter and two grandsons so she is getting baby land all over again.

She is head of household, works two jobs or three depending on the day, and doesn’t have a close relationship with her daughter. She also doesn’t have a male in her life as her Dad has passed as well. She is getting the brunt of everything but lives close enough that she can take a break at my house if she wants to.

We used to live together, but that got to be too much. I wouldn’t do what she told me to do, so . . . . .

Have a Happy Halloween and don’t watch too many scary movies. You may have hallucinations that you don’t like.

Jo Ann Harris is an author, parent, book devotee, writer, copywriter, and film fanatic. She is an autodidact who learns about everything and rows her own boat. She grew up and worked in Atlanta, Georgia, and lived there for sixty years. She writes articles about love, hope, personal life stories, advice, and poems. She is a published author with an article in Woman’s World magazine in October 2017.