Humming People Give Me Creeps

Do you know the people standing in front of you at the cash register and humming softly to themselves? What’s wrong with them?

I’m actually not easily upset. My motto is live and let live. If someone wants to wear crazy hats or walk barefoot through the department store, let them do so. But I find some habits so strange that they scare me, to be honest.

If I were to create a female serial killer for a book, I would make that woman hum softly when she stands at the supermarket checkout or sharpens knives for the next murder.

Whenever I meet someone who hums in public, I imagine that something abysmally evil is going on inside that person. It always sounds as if the person is on the verge of going mad, and the humming only serves as a last bastion of self-control.

Do you have cats? When they feel sick, they retreat into a corner and purr to calm down. But they also purr when they are happy. Cats are not easy to see through because of their purring. For humans, this is even more true.

Does this woman hum because she is afraid and wants to calm down? Or is she working out a perfidious plan for an amok run and humming for bitter pleasure?

Whistling people are not quite right, in my opinion either, but they seem less threatening and more gauche. Hummers are the ones that really worry me.

I always take a close look at these people. Of course, I make sure that they don’t notice because I don’t want to attract the attention of a psychopath unnecessarily. Anyway, I always notice that these people seem to be in a disturbing way disconnected. The gaze is turned inwards, the eyes are glassy, and the facial expression is impenetrable.

They seem somehow remotely controlled. Could it be aliens trying to avoid attracting attention before they carry out their plan to destroy our planet? Or are they really just crazy people who don’t care how they look to other people?

Maybe that’s the way crazy uncles and aunts behave when they’re on their own and don’t sit at our dining table because we had to invite them for Christmas. Who knows?

Of course, I have also tried to put myself in these people’s shoes. It is not nice to judge people who behave strangely. So I sat down at my desk and hummed for a few minutes.

The result shocked me. After two minutes, I felt like watching violent YouTube videos and taking pleasure in the fact that others were miserable, and I wasn’t. Of course, I did not do that. I am not a psychopath. But if I ever feel like turning into a genocidal lunatic, I will certainly start humming softly on a regular basis. That way, you can get yourself in the mood for any kind of madness.

But there is one good thing about humming, as I found out when I tried it once in public. Nobody sits down next to you on the bus, and nobody talks to you. So is the humming perhaps not an exclusive trademark of potential mass murderers after all, but only a perfidious sealing off strategy of introverted people?

If so, dear introverts, please stop it. It scares the shit out of me. Thank you.

René Junge a published author writing on ILLUMINATION.

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