Humility and flat-pack furniture

If you want to stay humble, build a Garden Bench yourself

In the past few months, I have achieved many of the goals I have set for myself and faced my own share of adversity in ways I did not feel prepared for in the past. This led to some form of confidence on my part in my own capacity. As well as this since my last set of exams has finished, I have engaged in my own hobbies whether they be new ones that I have just taken up or older ones which I have enjoyed for years.

These include long-distance running which I have combined with a charity campaign on GoFundMe, obviously returning to my writing habit and many others. Each of which provides its own difficulties and is not always easily achieved or set about by others.

This brings me to late in the day yesterday, after my housemate purchased a thirty-five euro flat pack garden bench. This was relatively simple to put together and would only require a screwdriver to assemble. On the screwdriver front, the instructions were correct, however, in terms of simplicity, I feel a tiny bit aggrieved in hindsight.

When my housemate turned on a Europa League game for which I had no interest, I decided to start putting this bench together in preparation for the upcoming Bank Holiday Weekend. It probably only took about an hour or more to put together, but the experience has since led me to believe that it was several hours in the making.

Admittedly, it was not the greatest of products, and even in its finished state, I would not put much stock in its ability to hold more than two people. Returning to the actual putting together part, I started into it while listening to some relaxing music in the back garden. The music choice also changed with the mounting frustration levels.

Things started off relatively alright with the planks being attached to the uprights in no time, however, it came with some bit of frustration even this early on. This is of course mainly due to my own incompetence, as I would go to change the song playing on my phone and the result would be the bench crumbling in on itself. Soon enough the first of the three-part assembly process was completed and at least now things were beginning to take shape.

For those of you who have not read other pieces I have written, it is worth noting at this stage in the article that I am a practicing stoic. This is not however an article on stoicism, I will link my other pieces here if you have an interest in finding out a bit more about this philosophy. Suffice it to say, however, years of making use of this Ancient Greek way of thinking, has made me into what my friends have described as a ridiculously calm and patient person. That is of course until yesterday when this approach seemed to fade into nonexistence for very little reason.

Part two involved adding the backboard of the bench to the already assembled frame. To do so I screwed four brackets onto the piece to be attached and then attempted to attach the piece to my already completed first portion. What followed has left me startlingly less assured of both my composure and my coordination.

Dropping the backboard on my toe was a regular occurrence, which led to a slew of profanities that I had not made use of in quite some time coming to the fore. The board would also trap my fingers on a few occasions, repeating what was quickly becoming a regular occurrence of cursing violently at half a piece of furniture.

What alarmed me of course, was a combination of a rustiness of working with my hands given a childhood spent in a farming family and also how my calm demeanor evaporated so quickly. I could see the humorous side of this however and be able to realize that some things are just going to be frustrating regardless and my patience was not an infinite source either. I did however stop myself from destroying the piece of furniture in frustration …. so I guess it's the little victories then.

With more struggle than I would like to admit the backboard was finally attached and the music had changed from a relaxing lo-fi to my running playlist which contains more of an up-tempo get through this vibe to it. Being quite happy with myself by now I attempted to move the bench, which as a result of being fired around the garden in frustration, turned sickeningly to the side as the bolts holding it together had come loose. I am fairly certain at this point it was within a moment or two of falling apart.

Fortunately, the newborn bench kept it together and I was able to complete the final stage of its construction. This consisted of securing the planks on which we would be sitting by attaching three metal struts to the bottom of the bench, which would keep it together and prevent it from moving sideways due to the looseness of the screws. Which of course I could not properly attach due to the fact, I had forgotten to make use of the screwdriver at this pivotal stage in proceedings.

Then there she was a garden bench, which the terrible quality photo above will attest is still in one piece. The maiden voyage of this bench, led to it almost immediately crumbling in on itself under the weight of two people, however, she persevered in spite of it all. Far from being the last of her trials and tribulations, however, the upcoming weekend and the alcohol-fueled antics which follow will tell much. All said however, it was not an entire waste of time and I was delighted with what emerged, which was a reflection of the dodgy craftsman who put her together. I also remain unsure as to why I continue to refer to a bench in the feminine, name suggestions from any readers are also welcome I might add.

So what to take away from a Medium article about a thirty-five euro bench and the terrible tradesman who put her together …. nothing life-changing I can assure you. What I did pick up however is that it is alright to feel like a fool and the humility that comes with getting out of your comfort zone and doing something different for a change will serve anyone reading in good stead. I will not let on that my struggles with this battered piece of furniture ultimately changed my life view, I am not in that business and understand that sometimes things just happen and some form of a greater transcendent meaning does not have to be derived from it.

Yet what I did realize yesterday as the Rocky theme tune blared over my sporadic outbursts of cursing was that humility is more important than we can ever truly comprehend and that sometimes it’s alright to lose our patience. While I cannot outrightly state that no benches were harmed in the process, I can also state that it was not a confidence shaking event which has led me to question how effective my stoic practices have been. It was and remains a garden bench, one which will hopefully live a good and long life all things going well, not some torture device specifically put here to make me question my beliefs.

One final line as a takeaway then for those of you who got frustrated with my earlier DIY instructions: If you want to stay humble assemble flat pack furniture and in doing so you will learn who you truly are …. or maybe you are a competent craftsman and then at the very least you have somewhere to sit and enjoy the sunshine.