I Miss Talking To Myself

Summary

The author discusses the transformation of their inner voice through self-growth and awareness, leading to a loss of their original thought process and the struggle to reclaim it.

Abstract

The article titled "I Miss Talking To Myself" delves into the author's personal journey with their inner voice. Initially, the author describes themselves as an overthinker, constantly analyzing and ruminating, which they later link to underlying anxiety and stress. This inner dialogue provided a space for editing thoughts before they were spoken or written. However, a dedication to self-improvement and mindfulness led to a quieting of this once hyperactive inner voice. While initially liberating, this change resulted in a loss of personal connection to their thoughts, leading to a sense of disorientation and a struggle to find their original voice amidst the expectations of others. The author reflects on the diminishing frequency of their journaling and the absence of writer's block, indicating that their inner voice has simply vanished, leaving them to question if they must endure another life-altering event to revive it.

Opinions

The author initially enjoyed the process of overthinking, finding it to be a form of editing and refining their thoughts.
They believe that writing and dictating thoughts were effective ways to articulate their inner voice accurately.
The author values the clarity and headspace gained from self-growth and mindfulness but also recognizes the loss of their original thought patterns.
They express concern that their writing has become more about fulfilling others' expectations than about their own musings.
The author suggests that their inner voice has been replaced by mindful thinking, which involves accepting things as they are and being open to possibilities.
There is a sense of nostalgia and longing for the return of their once vibrant inner dialogue, which they feel has been lost in the pursuit of self-improvement.

No, I wasn’t crazy

I was a person that lived primarily in my head, most of the time. My inner voice was always in hyperdrive. Commonly known as an overthinker, I thought about a lot of things for long periods. Analysis paralysis kept me from taking action. Later did I learn it was from a constant state of anxiety or stress, unknown to me. Honestly, I enjoyed it at times, being in my own world, oblivious yet wary.

Ignorance can be bliss. To a limit, I guess.

My Inner Voice Was Strong

Things always sounded better in my head than when I said it. What overthinking did was allow me many retakes on how I felt and what I thought. In other words, my own built-in editing process.

Does anyone else feel that way too?

I never knew what to do with all those ruminations. So I kept them inside. Only once I started writing was I able to articulate my thoughts squarely into words. It definitely took practice and tons of self-work. They now sound as professional, put together, authentic, sharp, crisp as they did in my head. Writing it out immediately or dictating it on my phone got the right rhythm going and captured my thoughts exactly.

When It All Stopped

In the past two years, I have delved into nothing but self-growth, self-awareness, and consciousness. The result was the dulling of my inner voice. And the outcome of this? Initially, it was great, clarifying, freeing up headspace; then it became not-so-great, obscuring, crowded with supplementary thoughts.

All this time, I traveled with a suitcase filled with my clothes and belongings, now when I open it up, I don’t recognize any of the items inside, as if my luggage got mixed up with someone else’s at the airport.

Now there is nothing much left of what once was me. Don’t get me wrong. It’s been a journey of self-discovery, reflection, and strength. It appears that I am too focused on writing what others want me to write — my thoughts filled with their directives — and I am losing the musings of what I want to write. I wasn’t sure what the solution was — how to get my mojo back?

Is This What’s on the Horizon for Me?

My journaling and morning pages dwindled from daily to weekly to monthly entries. Writer’s block had nothing to do with it neither was it the fear of writing. My inner voice was just gone. It’s widely known that when you face a tsunami, it’s life-altering. I feel like that disaster came and went in my life. I dealt with it, survived, learned what I needed to, now what?

Why isn’t there more? There has to be more? Do I need to go through something else to get it back? I feel lost without the thoughts and the words in my head. Like I lost that part of me. Because while I was reveling in the fact that other people requested me to write for them, I forgot about writing for myself.

I realize I don’t need overthinking anymore, for what has taken its place is Mindful thinking- Accepting what is and being open to what it isn’t.