How Your Ex Cost Me $1360.23 and a Night’s Sleep

#57 Real Estate Man

When Real Estate Man received the request to get the locks changed on the 1bedroom apartment a particular couple was renting in the Art Museum section of Philadelphia he wasn’t surprised. There had been complaints by the neighbors of loud arguing.

The young man, who was the original occupant before his girlfriend moved in with him, made the request. Because both parties had signed the lease, as per his practice, Real Estate Man called the man’s ex to make sure she had moved all her belongings and was okay with removing her name from the lease and having the locks changed.

Not only was she in favor of the changes but seemed wildly supportive. Said something like I wasted 414 days on that worthless dud!

Real Estate Man went about the business of checking the apartment, removing Ms. Ex’s name from the lease and changing the locks on the front door to the building and apartment. Soon, the mission was completed.

Real Estate Man’s story:

Things seemed to be going as well as these things do. One positive; there were no more complaints from the neighbors about lover’s arguments. Yes, the guy who remained paid his rent and seemed to be settling in, adapting to the single life.

Until:

My emergency night time superintendent (Bud) called me at 11:00 on a Saturday night a few months after the separation.

Bud (probably resenting his Saturday night social life interrupted but realizing the importance of the message) “The Fire Department is over at the triplex in the Art Museum!”

Me (desperately wanting to hear more but sleepily staggering to regain his equilibrium) “How bad is the fire?”

Bud: “I don’t know, the neighbor just called. I think you’d better get up here.”

Me (now wide awake): “I’m on my way!”

After a registering record speed on my trip to Philadelphia, I reached the triplex in about 1/2 and hour.

I arrived to a scene of the flashing red lights of the fire truck and a police car.. Walking around outside the building were 6 or 7 firefighters and a couple of Philadelphia police. They were getting ready to leave. There was, mercifully — no fire — no injuries. False alarm. Bye!

Who? What? When? Where?

The front door of the triplex was sacrificed for the cause. The firemen don’t have the key, right? They had to enter quickly do their job of fire extinguishing. Kudos to them! $730.25

I made my way up to the 3rd floor, where the fire was reported. The apartment door the firemen also sacrificed for the cause. More kudos to them! They risk their lives to protect ours. $629.98

Here’s where this little epic becomes interesting…

Mr. Ex was in the doorless 3rd floor apartment. He was with a woman who definitely was NOT the Ms.Ex. He explained that he and his date were having a home cooked candlelit dinner in front of the window that looks down on Brown St. Sometime during the dinner they happened to see Ms.Ex standing in front of the Tavern on Brown across the street. Yes, they knew it was her because she gave them the finger when she caught their eye. They chose to try to ignore Ms.Ex and continued their dinner. Later that night the couple thought they heard someone knocking at the door and shouting but they were busy. The next thing they knew, their apartment was crowded with firefighters and cops. Mr Ex. didn’t even have any clothes on, he lamented.

Embarrassing and unromantic? Intended and succeeded! Ms. Ex’s revenge.

When Mr Ex wanted to put his new girlfriend on his lease, I advised him to think it over.