How You Can Love Your Empath Partner Better
6 ways that I have found to be helpful
“Everyone that joins your journey is supposed to be a part of your life, but not all of them will stay no matter how special they might have become.”
An emotional empath, like me, can feel someone else’s energy and by that I mean I can feel their emotions.
No, it is not something I acquired along the way but something that’s always been part of my nature. There have been many times I’ve felt it more a curse than gift and wished it would just disappear and leave me be.
More so because it makes the very idea of being in a relationship scary.
“ As empaths, one of the quickest ways to completely losing our grounding in reality is by deferring our needs and wants in relationships.”
Finding someone who complements my sensitive nature is hard. When a potential partner does not make an effort to understand my empath side and instead tries to be sarcastic or judgmental, it becomes a recipe for disaster. Another factor that makes me skittish about commitment is my struggle with setting boundaries which has resulted in me losing my identity in previous relationships.
Perhaps the scariest of them all is my tendency to get deeply attached, heart, body and soul which makes for spectacularly intense separations.
But that need not be the case always. I think, the key to building healthy relationships for an empath is to effectively communicate your needs and wants to your partner. Believe me, it makes a big difference.
For all those out there who are in love with empaths and for those who would like to share with their non empath partners about how you want to be loved, here are some suggestions based on personal experience that I hope will be helpful.
6 ways to love your empath partner better:
1.) Be patient at the onset of the relationship: I’ve found that it is easy for folks to fall in love with a loving and giving personality. The worst thing you can do in a situation like that is try to rush an empath into a relationship. Nothing can make us run faster for the hills.
“ I don’t care how intelligent or attractive someone is, if he zaps your energy, he isn’t for you. True chemistry is more than intellectual compatibility. Beyond surfaces, you must be intuitively at ease” - Judith Orloff
We need time to allow our instincts to sort of feel you for the person you are and come to our own conclusions about going forward. So please don’t rush us.
2.) Support the empaths' need for alone time: As an empath, my need for space and my need for togetherness with my partner are often in conflict. Before I knew I am an empath, I used to wonder why I had a tendency to get overstimulated. And like a child who is exposed to too much stimulation, I would get super stressed and irritable without knowing why.
Now, I realize the need for time alone especially after social engagements. I do this by listening to music on my iPhone or reading until I am able to decompress and find my emotional equilibrium again.
Most non empaths don’t realize how necessary this is for us but if you are able to, that’s great. Alone time doesn’t mean it has to be that way all the time.
“Water is a huge cleanser and energy remover for an empath.”
The non empath partner can be supportive by participating in low stimulation activities like taking nature walks or going to the lake/beach.
3.) Don’t criticize: Criticizing an empath for who they are, which is by no fault of theirs, is the most worst thing you could possibly do. And believe me, we can sense it which makes it all the more hurtful. There is no better way to make us shut down and withdraw. That is in no way going to benefit the relationship.
Be supportive. Make a genuine effort to understand what we are feeling. Making us feel safe enough to share can make an empath thrive in a relationship.
4.) Don’t be judgmental when they cry: “She’s so emotional.” “You’re so sensitive.” “Why do you take things so personally?” These are things I have heard many times. Earlier it used to make me feel ashamed of myself and I learned to internalize. That is no way to treat a partner.
“Some say I’m too sensitive but the truth is I just feel too much. Every word, every action and every energy goes straight to my heart.”
This ability to feel compassion is not a faucet I can turn off at will. I feel and my way of expressing these strong emotions, which oftentimes are not even my own, is by crying.
If you’d like to know how to take care of them in such a situation, be there for them but at the same time give them the space to let it all out.
5.) Empaths can pick up on the non empath partner’s emotions so please don’t take it personally: An empath can feel their partner’s emotions and there is a high chance that the empath (like I did) feels responsible for those emotions. This can have a negative impact for both parties involved.
While the empath can work on learning how to tune out their partner’s emotions depending on the situation, the non empath partner can try not to take it personally.
Relationship is a spiritual experience, where you can learn from each other, share your hearts, and take good care of each other. Consideration and tolerance is essential. Empaths will thrive in partnerships where these qualities are a priority and authentic communication is the goal. (Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s “The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People,”)
Thank you Diana C. Thanks Spyder & Nombuso Makhubu
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