How You Can Have Great Conversations [New Study, 2021]

You will never run of things to talk about.

Why are you afraid to start a conversation?

What is your biggest fear?

Well, according to a recent research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people usually stop or don’t even try talking because they think their speaking partners will perceive their small conversations as boring; also, they will run out of things to talk about.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Personally, I love deep and meaningful conversations with anyone who is willing to put in real effort and thought into what they are saying and most importantly, listening.

I have had such conversations multiple times in the past and while I do not remember what exactly were the talks about (forgive my bad memory), I most definitely and vividly remember how I felt during those tête-à-têtes. If you have experienced anything similar, you know what I am talking about.

It almost feels like an orgasm. A good one.

If a girl talks to me and she knows what she is talking about, and she talks in a way that is just too riveting, it will turn me on.

Anyway, a great conversation is rare. The mistake we make is that we try to make every conversation a great conversation, which apparently is not possible.

This does not mean there is nothing to talk about. There is always something to talk about.

There is Always Enough to Talk About

Having a great conversation is one of the 8th wonders of this world you must experience.

Although, most of us are too scared or reluctant to even start a conversation because we are too concerned about what we are going to say and what if it gets boring or awkward.

Do you know what the problem is in the above premise? It is an assumption.

It is actually amazingly sad to see that even after years of evolution, we humans keep making the same assumptions and mistakes. I know it is part of the human psyche but I think throughout the evolution of human beings, it is not the humans that have evolved, rather our surroundings.

Whenever I want to talk to someone, I never let my brain think twice, “but what will we talk about?” I just go with the flow. Not everyone will be my friend forever and not everyone is going to like me. So, what is the point in overthinking and missing on an opportunity to an amazing conversation.

Coming back to the study:

“We wanted to test whether people have accurate intuitions about how much they will have to talk about and how much they will enjoy themselves as a conversation progresses.” — says Michael Kardas, a researcher at Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management and lead author of the study.

They recruited pairs of strangers and put them in an experimental setting to have conversations with each other.

After ever few minutes, they asked the participants how they felt the conversation was going. When they asked this question at the first interval, the participants said they were really enjoying themselves but at the same time they were concerned that they were going to run out of things to talk about and that they might stop enjoying it.

The researchers asked them to continue with their conversations and then repeated the same questions at each interval.

Interestingly, the researchers found no evidence of the participants losing interest. The participants did find something to talk about as well as kept enjoying it.

“People found more material to talk about as the conversations continued than they had expected, and they enjoyed themselves more than they anticipated,” says Kardas.

“This mistaken assumption that people will run out of material to discuss in conversation might keep people from having longer and more meaningful conversations that might also lead them to form stronger relationships.”

In addition to that, the authors found no evidence that the results were skewed due to a person talking to the same gender or ethnicity.

All in all, it was proven that once you begin a conversation, you automatically find things to talk about and by not giving yourself this chance you are missing out on a great amount of beautiful and meaningful conversations with some amazing people in the world.

New Doesn’t Always Mean Good

One of the other conclusions that can be drawn from the study is that people usually expect novelty to be a great experience. That is why they tend to find that novelty through social media.

This is true.

Yes, novel experiences can be enjoyable but according to the research, familiar experiences, that is, experiences with people you have already met, is also a more pleasant experience than people expect it to be.

In Conclusion

If you want to talk to a girl/guy somewhere near you, don’t worry, just go and say ‘Hi’. Everything else will follow.

Also, you don’t need new people/experiences to enjoy a conversation. Sometimes, you need to talk to a person you already know to dive into that deep conversation you have always fantasised about.

Believe me, I can tell you this from experience, do not bail out on a great conversation. There are really really amazing people out there. They don’t have to share their stories with you, but you may want to know.

Who knows what a single conversation could do.

It may change your life forever.

Thank you very much for reading this article. I will see you in the next one. :)