How We Transition Is How We Live

Change is inevitable, deal with it.

Life is a series of cycles.

It’s constantly transitioning from one point to another; place to place, person to person, moment to moment.

It’s never stagnate, never consistent, always changing, revolving around frame of time that stops only when we’re dead.

Yet we’re constantly searching for consistency in our lives. Picking careers, partners, friends, that we hope will provide some sort of normal; some sort of status quo by which we can feel safe, comfortable, able to live the way we want.

But the reality is that we’re searching for normal amongst an ever-shifting sea of change. We are born, we experience, we learn, and we grow, transitioning into the versions of ourselves we deem best. And we continue this cycle until our last breath. In such a lifetime, what’s normal?

Normal is change.

How We Transition Is How We Live

I’m in the midst of another transition. This time it’s a transition to a place I’ve never been before, New York City, a place far from the conservative sunny Southern California town I grew up in.

It’s scary being on the verge of another chapter in my life. It’s something that I’ve been dreaming of for some time now, but could not grasp in its totality until now.

I’ve always been afraid of change.

I’m the type of person who likes feeling comfortable. I like my space, my alone time, my freedom. It’s what keeps me sane. Most of the time. If not, then I’m usually not good to anyone; person, place, or thing. So, for the most part, I like to keep a consistent routine of habits (good or bad) that I use to get through the day.

It’s these habits that make or break us, though. And, as we age, these habits become more and more helpful or deleterious the more we use them. Good or bad, habits stick with us whether we like it or not.

And they’re hard to break.

For most of my life, I’d been stuck in a rut of deleterious habits, unable to free myself from the maniacal hold of drugs, alcohol, porn, and the numerous other escapist routines I had built up over the years.

Back then, I didn’t want to change. Because it was easier to stay the same; easier to stay stuck wasting away in pseudo-pleasures that fill our days like refilling a bucket with a hole in the bottom. Like swiping left or right, double tapping, or click-baiting onto the next pointless, brain-sucking article that we hope will bring us some sort of satisfaction.

The problem with seeking this sort of satisfaction is that it keeps you away from change; it makes you feel comfortable with where you are, because, in the moment, the pleasure seems suitable to your needs, your wants and desires.

But what we fail to see is that these pleasures are temporary, at best. And they do not lead to a life of true fulfillment and satisfaction. Unfortunately, it took me a while to figure this out; it took me a while to change.

Change Is Inevitable, Deal With It

A couple years ago, I hit my bottom. The point in which I lost everything. Friends, loves, family. And it was the point in time where I had to start asking myself honest questions: Who am I? Who do I want to be? Where do I belong? How do I get there?

At the time, I was held in a booze-riddled state of mind, unable to see clearly, stuck in an endless loop of depression and self-hatred. It wasn’t until I lost everything that I started seeing my situation for what it was.

You see, I was afraid of what I might find once I started answering these questions, once I started changing; I was afraid of losing what I thought was normal for me: my depression, my anger, my resentment and self-hatred. Even though this may seem counterintuitive, I was comfortable living this way.

I accepted it.

Because it’s difficult to change who we are. It’s easier to accept what is already here, rather than accept that we can change our circumstance. It’s easier to stay stuck in our ruts, not growing or moving forward, because it seems comfortable.

It seems to be the only way.

But it’s not. You just have to put in the work. But it’s hard work. Because change is hard. Yet life is change. It’s something that never stays the same no matter how much we want it to, because, as the recent pandemic has shown, we never know what’s going to happen in the future.

What we do know is that it’ll change. For better or for worse is up to you. It’s your job to find out; to change. And once you’ve acknowledged this, you’ll see that life is a series of transitions in which we can experience, learn, and grow into the best versions of ourselves.

It starts with being comfortable with change; which is not an easy feat, let me tell you. It’s uncomfortable, uneasy, unknown and frightening. But you must get past the fear.

You must change.

Or what will be left in the aftermath will not be what you were hoping for in the beginning; a life of waste, regret, lost hopes and dreams.

A life not worth living.