How We Threw Away $2400

Because the IRS is run by morons

Welp, that was one for the books! In spite of the fact that the IRS has had our bank routing and account numbers for years, we’ve been sitting around for months wondering where our stimulus money was.

We checked in with our accountant who had nothing to say but “be patient”.

Then a couple of days ago we got a letter from the Treasury of the United States telling us that we had received our stimulus money and ain’t it a grand country? Signed, DJT, sincerely yours and vote for me or else (kidding about that last bit…I hope). Huh? What the hell is this?

Wait. That wasn’t junk mail?

This is why we never suspected that the plain white envelope from something fishy sounding like Money Management Network or some nonsense was legitimate. They had my name wrong. It was addressed to my partner and myself but had my first name and his last name (yeah, I’m one of those). We opened it, found the obviously fake debit card with the wrong names embossed on it, and cut the sucker up. Out it went with the banana peels, coffee grounds, and eggshells. Well, except for this part:

When did we realize that we’d tossed $2400 into the trash? When that letter from DJT arrived.

Now, ok yes, we have contacted customer service and a replacement card has been sent. 7 to 10 business days. Weirdly, the guy we spoke with told us that the wrong name thing? It was deliberate. Yes, the IRS for some unexplained reason is putting false names onto these debit cards. In some cases, men are finding that they’ve suddenly been assigned their wives' last names.

Let’s think about this…

Every transaction that’s associated with our taxes requires the use of our legal and documented name. Our Social Security number and just about every other legal document are linked to that name. I can’t waltz into some store and use a check signed with my husband’s last name to pay for what I want to buy. I can’t register my driver’s license or renew my lease or money order using his last name.

And yet here’s the IRS deliberately putting a wrong, wait, illegal name onto a debit card that we’re supposed to use to pay for things.

And they’re not explaining why.

I’m not sure if there’s anything to do about this. Who do you report something like this to? I guess we’ll find out if the bank is ok with this when we take it to transfer the funds to our joint account, but it feels a little sketchy to me.

Sketchy on numerous levels

So supposedly these debit cards, 4 million of them, have been sent out “only” to people who don’t have checking accounts or who haven’t registered that information with the IRS.

Wrong.

Clearly the IRS has that information because at o’dark thirty on 15 April the taxes we owed were siphoned out of that account so quickly there was a popping noise that woke us up.

The IRS is has reported that the look of those non-descript envelopes was meant as a deterrent to fraud.

How exactly?

And since when is it more efficient and expedient and cost-effective to print plastic debit cards with embedded chips than to simply print out paper checks (because the world definitely needs more plastic)? And all this is aside from the fact that corporations are raking in billions in “stimulus” money while the roughly 40 million + Americans without jobs now are expected to get by on $1200. Once.

Ok. Ok, yeah. I’ll quit growsing and be suitably grateful to this Great Country for letting me have a tiny bit of my tax money back given the bang-up job it’s done during the pandemic.

Sincerely, T. Hirka

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