How We Know “She Wants a Wedding,” But Not the Marriage

This is why most men end up cleaning tanks after divorce.

“If I would do anything for my own survival (as a single), what makes you think I’m going to change now (after marriage)?”

That was a statement by a former porn star, Kisha Chavis, wife of ex-NBA player, Joe Smith. There are rumours about their divorce after Joe found out that his wife has an OnlyFans account.

When he confronted her about it, she admitted she had had the account for over a year and acted insensitively saying he knew what she used to do (made adult movies for money) before he married her.

She said she was tired of living the minimal and being the one to figure out their finances. This woman was unapologetic defending her actions and humiliating her husband for being depressed and incapable of providing for his family.

During an interview with TMZSports, she revealed she married the former NBA star with the intention of boosting her singing career, but after she moved from Germany to LA for him, and got married, she discovered he was broke and had lost his stardom. So basically, she married him for his status and got humbled.

When a woman says she wants unconditional love but brings conditions into the relationship, you gotta run niggas.

Ladies will be mad at me for revealing this truth, but you know me. I don’t hold back. So if I’m going to lose a few points for this post, that’s cool.

However, as long as we want men to take accountability for their actions, we women have to be held responsible for our actions too.

Modern women do not take accountability for their actions. Is one thing to make reckless decisions for your survival as a single but when you are married, what you do is no longer just about you. Your decisions can affect your partner’s reputation and their wellbeing.

In other words, communication is necessary and any decision should be taken as a couple because that is what partnership means.

As much as I want to condemn Kisha for disrespecting her husband, I also blame Joe for thinking he could turn a 304 into a wife.

I believe people can change. However, I’ve discovered that 304s always default to their past life when shit hit the fans. It’s not easy to forget a life that put food on your table when you had nothing.

Kisha used to make money from adult movies before she quit and became a singer. She claims her career took off in Germany before she met Joe. When she found out he was a top basketballer, she married him, hoping his fame would skyrocket her career.

Unfortunately, Joe was forced to retire. He lost his fame and gradually lost his wealth too.

As a man, not being the provider you are expected to be can ruin your reputation in the family which was what happened to Joe.

Kisha took on the masculine role and became the leader that Joe wasn’t. She said she tried different businesses to keep them afloat. But the income wasn’t enough and they almost got evicted because of their debts.

When the road got tough, Kisha decided to return to sex work in order to maximize their income. It’s a shame she made that decision without involving her husband. That only proves how insignificant she regards her husband and their marriage.

Why Marrying Your Girlfriend Will End In A Divorce

Kisha was never prepared to commit to anybody for the long haul. For her, marriage was a means to end just like most marriages these days. We can pretend to be in love but at the end of the day, love doesn’t keep a marriage.

Since most women are not equipped with the right tools to foster a healthy and successful home, they give up easily during trying times. So if you are in a serious relationship and you are not sure if her wifey persona is real, here are five signs to ease your doubt.

She’s obsessed about her wedding

From my years of serving as a bridesmaid, I have discovered that brides who aren’t materialistically attached to their wedding ceremony are usually the ones who sustain marriage challenges.

They are more focused on their life after the wedding than the wedding itself. I saw a video about a lady demanding that her boyfriend spend a certain amount for their wedding or else she will call off the engagement.

I watched as she narrated how she wanted her buffet served, the location for the event and what she needed to buy for her bridal shower and the wedding. Her boyfriend made the recording trying to get her to understand that he could not afford a luxurious wedding.

Then she said, “That means you don’t love me. If you can’t spend “x” amount on our wedding then I will not be your bride.”

If the man wasn’t stupid, he should have walked out of that relationship as she was speaking. But from the looks of it, he was going to make her Cinderella wedding a reality.

I noticed she said “I will not be your BRIDE” instead of WIFE. That should tell you where her interest lies.

Your interests don’t align with hers

Men are not dumb. They are smart. And they know when a woman is playing them. But somehow at the back of their mind, they assume that once she gets married, she’ll settle into the life demanded of married women.

In truth, this reality has happened for the better of centuries. Now women are not settling in marriage. They can ride the storm for a while to see if it calms down, but the minute their right brain kicks in is checking time.

Most men use marriage as a control mechanism. They have been fed with illusions that women must obey their husbands no matter the odds. Unfortunately, modern women have a mind of their own and we should.

So when you are dating, any red flag should be taken into account. If your vision is “high high” and hers is “low low,” that’s a red flag. And what you should do is pause and re-access to see if you can compromise in other areas.

However, in most long-time successful marriages I have seen sustained trial periods when the couple has similar interests. If you want kids and she doesn’t, and has always made her position on childfree clear but later changed her mind when she met you. That’s a 50/50 gambit.

Chances she will retract her decision should not be ignored. Even if she ends up having a baby, motherhood will humble her and she will blame you for the depression she suffers.

She intentionally ignores red flags

Ignoring red flags backfires both ways — for the man and the woman. However, a woman who is prepared to be with you forever will not tolerate habits that do not align with her values.

We see this happen all the time when a woman marries a chain smoker or an addict when she can’t stand the stench of alcohol or smoke. Or she acts unbothered about your late nights but criticizes her friend for staying up at night waiting for her partner.

Another noticeable red flag is when she consents to your flirtation with other women so she can flirt with other guys. I play this card very often. When I don’t care about a guy, I give him a free pass at anything until I’m fed up. He can engage in whatever fantasy that pops up in his head as long as he’s not forcing me to do anything I don’t want to do.

Women are good at hiding their true intentions in a relationship. However, if you are paying attention to the things she does when you are not around, or say about her friends you will know if her interest in you is genuine or not.

So if she finds a way to make every bad habit seem OK, that is a sign she won’t survive trial times. Because her lack of boundaries will lead to impulse action when the journey gets tough. And since the first thought that comes to a woman’s head when life becomes unbearable is to quit that marriage, you can bet she will leave before you figure out where things went south.

She’s already showing you who is the man in the relationship

When my ex, Ben, was courting his wife, he didn’t know her boss girl charms would be the doom of their marriage until he was stuck with no escape patch.

Like I’d say, people always show us who they are but we ignore what we see. Ben was taken by Georgina’s gracefulness. Her charisma was unshaken. Her ambition to excel in the tech company where she worked was attractive to Ben. She had the drive that matched his vision.

Ben was building his software company from ground zero when he met Georgina. It would seem like love at first match because they got matched at a dating site. Georgina’s expertise added a spark to their love and together they built the company to 2 million dollars in revenue within seven months.

Georgina was made co-owner right from the moment she was brought into the company even though Ben had completed 99% of the planning and execution phase. He had invested a lot of money to get the business running while Georgina took over the administrative and publicity section.

After their first baby, Georgina became more power-driven. She prioritized the company and left Ben to do the household work. Their marriage has been on the wind and Ben has no way of getting out without losing at least 60% of his life’s worth.

When men shy away from dating ambitious women, I get it. It can be challenging to recoil into your femininity when your blood is pumped with power and money. You think the more money you make, the more power you have to control your future.

If your girlfriend is super psyched about her career and doesn’t recognise your role in her life as her “other half,” chances are she will erase your existence in her life after a period of time. If she doesn’t acknowledge your presence in her life during courtship, she will not acknowledge your worth after marriage.

She’s terrible at handling conflicts

Our emotions are our greatest weakness. We can prepare as much as we want for the unknown, but until we face the situation we won’t know what to do.

This is where emotional management checks in. Studies have revealed that people who control their emotions are the happiest and best at building strong relationships. Events like job loss, death, illness, and even everyday stress have a way of shattering a relationship or making it stronger if we overcome them.

If she has her emotions under control, she will know how to manage conflicts and work with you in resolving any disagreements. But if she attacks during conflicts, runs away from fights or never expresses her anger, that can be a huge problem later on in the marriage.

People who lack emotional discipline often blame others for their actions. They like judging others but won’t accept criticism. They are always right and seem to get into arguments easily. They can argue tirelessly even if you provide them with proof. Somehow she will find a way to blame you when the fault is hers.

Let me make this clear that having low emotional discipline isn’t a red flag per se. However, with this habit, you will discover other selfish traits that prove her needs will always come before yours. And if you don’t agree with her decision, all hell will be let loose.

So if your dating life is filled with trauma now, it will not get any better when you marry her. Although we cannot avoid getting into bad marriages completely, we can minimize the risk if we learn to vet our partners effectively.

Thank you for reading. Check out more of my relationship stories. You may consider subscribing for unlimited access to more stories like this.