How We Complicate Our Lives in America, According to my European Husband

A few very American problems

“It seems that in the U.S. if there isn’t a problem, one must be created,” my husband observed two and a half years after moving here from Denmark.

He noticed the overall sense of overstimulation and anxiety present in modern-day America, even before the Covid outbreak.

“It’s like people here are addicted to problems and solving them,” my husband noticed.

Surely, solving problems keeps us busy. And the less time we have to think about the state of the country the better.

Are there things we Americans obsess about that wouldn’t bother people in other countries? According to my husband, yes.

Here are some of them.

Fighting germs

Even before Covid hit, my husband noticed that Americans were obsessed with germs and, consequently, sanitizing everything they came into contact with. He has never seen so many hand sanitizers outside of a hospital before his arrival in New York.

“This constant sanitizing is not good for your immune system,” my husband said.

Indeed, wiping out your body’s ability to handle germs is bad news for your immunity.

“I doubt parents in Third World countries chase their children around with a bottle of Purell like they do in America,” my husband concluded.

And then, Covid hit.

American germophobia exploded. Purell sales skyrocketed. The battle was lost.

Fearing off-leash dogs

While dogs in and out of Europe spend a lot of their lives off-leash, either roaming around or walking by their master’s side, in America, a few things are more offensive to a passing stranger than an unleashed dog (I wrote about that in-depth here).

“It’s amazing how something so simple as a dog can become a subject of so much anxiety in the U.S.,” my husband exclaimed when we first started walking our dog in a Brooklyn park.

He was genuinely baffled, at first. Then, he got it.

In the U.S., we treat our dogs like we treat our kids — with anxiety and mistrust. So our animals are just as anxious as our children, and thus actually do have to be restrained.

“Maybe it’s the dog owners who should relax, not their dogs?” my husband concluded.

While we do meet a lot of amazing dog parents in our now-home in Santa Monica, California, my husband is still amused by the controversy of dog leashes.

Overthinking parenting and birth

With three kids, one born in the U.S., my husband has observed his fair share of American parents.

“Parenting in America is a complicated business,” he noticed.

It all starts with giving birth. Something that’s pretty straightforward in many other countries, is mastered as an art form in (certain parts of) the U.S.

“It seems that in America it’s not enough just to have good doctors,” he noticed.

Future parents take hospital tours before choosing where to give birth in. Women often spend months learning to hypnotize themselves prior to the big event. They hire other women to come and cheer for them. They bring bouncing balls, “delivery gowns,” and even a list of instructions for their doctors to the hospital.

It’s not even “birth” anymore, it’s a “birth story.” And it comes with a “birth plan.”

Our birth plan was not to give birth in the car on our cross-country trip. We succeeded.

Once their babies are born, American parents get busy trying to “develop” them as early as possible.

“Nothing here is left to chance or nature,” my husband laughed.

The more languages can be crammed into a baby the better. Even a one-month-old in the U.S. gets educational toys. From then on, it only gets worse.

“It looks like being a parent here is more stressful than in Europe,” my husband concluded.

Indeed, childhood in America is a business with a business plan.

Standing in lines

My husband noticed that a lot of American people like to stand in lines. Sometimes in very long ones, for hours, or even days. He feels bad for them.

My own parents and grandparents told me stories of long lines they had to endure during communism in Soviet Russia, just to get some basic necessities or food. This is what standing in line to get into a New York Trader Joe’s must feel like (even when there’s an empty supermarket around the corner).

“People here actually like to spend their weekend afternoons waiting motionlessly,” my husband laughed when we passed a local cafe in Los Angeles with a crowd of people patiently waiting outside.

“They know they can just go to the place around the corner, right?” he asked.

My husband has no patience so we never stand in any line for more than five minutes. And, honestly, why would we?

This being America, there’s always something else around the corner. And everyone will get to have the new iPhone eventually.

Worrying too much

“You’d think in a wealthy and democratic country like America people would be happy. But they’re always worrying about something or someone,” my husband observed.

It does seem that we spend a lot of time worrying about anything that can go wrong, instead of just, you know, enjoying life.

From warning labels to politics — there’s always something to stress about or be scared of, in the U.S.

“It’s sad to see a seemingly successful nation so ridden by fear,” my husband pointed out.

There was a hot tub in our building in Los Angeles with a sign that read “No Lifeguard On Duty,” which was accompanied by a list of precautions one must take while “enjoying” themselves in the tub and instructions for in case of “active diarrhea.” It was also surrounded by a jail-like fence.

“This to me is America in a nutshell,” my husband laughed.

Life is complicated n America. But, maybe, it doesn’t have to be?