avatarCarlo Zeno

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Abstract

etter.</li></ol><p id="52c1"><b>We are after the opposite of originality here</b>: something very easy for the Medium algorithm to identify, curate, circulate, regurgitate, recapitulate, repeat, repeat, and repeat again. We are not after insight. We are not after improvement. We are not after challenging the status quo. No, no, and no again.</p><p id="6a5d"><b>Repeat after me</b>: we are after tried and tested, repeated and digested, repeated again and molested content, until it is absolutely infested with regurgitated authority.</p><p id="c9fb"><b>We want to put you to sleep. </b>Once you have put all of your readers to sleep, ensuring they passively click all of your curated, passive, whispering, whistling listicles on their feeds after a hard day’s work, you will know you have well and truly made it. You now write like a <b>Bot.</b></p><p id="e986">Congratulations.</p><p id="4737"><b>© Carlo Zeno 2022</b></p><p id="44b9">_________________________________</p><p id="8376">Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this piece, consider <a href="https://ko-fi.com/carlozeno7575"><b>buying me a coffee</b></a><b> </b>and check out my work below.</p><div id="2dda" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-hamlet-overcame-his-victim-mentality-and-struck-it-rich-2f7cff81a129"> <div> <div> <h2>How Hamlet Overcame His Victim Mentality And Struck It Rich</h2> <div><h3>Shakespeare adapts his plays to the new algorithm</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p

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How To Write Like A Bot

Write listicles in your sleep

Photo by Maximalfocus on Unsplash

Here are 4 important things I have learned about how to write like a bot.

  1. Don’t say anything new, but say something that has been tried and tested, repeated and digested, repeated again and molested, until it is absolutely infested with regurgitated authority.
  2. Write listicles. Doesn’t matter how many items are in each list: 5, 10, 15, 20, just make sure to number them and sound hypnotically robotic, until your readers are simply awed by your impressive ability to place one number on top of the other.
  3. Stick to one obvious formula, the more blatant the better, with you as master and your readers as aspiring pupils. Example: Me, a master of bot-writing, teaching all of you hopelessly flawed humans on Medium how to write like a bot.
  4. Overpromise without flinching. Bots don’t feel emotions, and they definitely don’t feel any pang of conscience about peddling illusions. Deliver your listicles with all the monotony of policies being read aloud at an insurance seminar. The more boring and predictable, the better.

We are after the opposite of originality here: something very easy for the Medium algorithm to identify, curate, circulate, regurgitate, recapitulate, repeat, repeat, and repeat again. We are not after insight. We are not after improvement. We are not after challenging the status quo. No, no, and no again.

Repeat after me: we are after tried and tested, repeated and digested, repeated again and molested content, until it is absolutely infested with regurgitated authority.

We want to put you to sleep. Once you have put all of your readers to sleep, ensuring they passively click all of your curated, passive, whispering, whistling listicles on their feeds after a hard day’s work, you will know you have well and truly made it. You now write like a Bot.

Congratulations.

© Carlo Zeno 2022

_________________________________

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this piece, consider buying me a coffee and check out my work below.

Satire
Humor
Writing Advice
Bots
Illumination
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