How to Win the First Message on Tinder?
Dating Tips — Volume IX
The first message is a battle.
It’s not about who’s sending it or what’s written; it’s about who’s the leader in the relationship.
“He will win who knows when to send and when not to send.”
– Sun Tzu — The Art of the First Message
Sending the first message means you’re in a position of inferiority.
Even if it’s as innocent as ‘hi.’ Once you press the send button, you relinquish your rights to power for maybe decades to come. It goes as far as a highly disadvantageous divorce settlement down the line (based on a 24 year-long study I recently achieved).
Here’s what’s on everybody’s minds.
“I want you to send the first message, and you want me to send the first message. But you can’t trick an old dog like me.”
It’s a basic negotiation strategy: never announce your number first. Always wait for your counterpart to reveal their position, then go full wits into the discussion and WIN.
Think of it as a marshmallow test.
Waiting is hard but you have to be strong. That would be my top advice.
You and your match are in a room. In the middle is the send button (the metaphorical marshmallow). If you press it first, then you lose. If you wait for the other to press it first, you might win. Of course, both parties might end up never sending a message to each other, and therefore losing.
But isn’t it better to lose together than having the other person win?
What if your ego won’t let you wait?
Let’s imagine you’re an overachiever that likes to be first no matter what.
There’s a workaround for you. I don’t recommend it, but I don’t want anyone to say that I’m partial here, so, I’ll share it with you.
IF you decide to send the first message, then send a picture of a hill.
A mountain might be considered too pretentious. Plus, mountains often have slopes and snow. The combination is slippery, and that’s not something you want to head towards with a first message.
The hill is the safe choice.
With a hill, you metaphorically take the higher ground.
The view from the hill — aka The Dick Gambit
This is what goes in your match’ mind when they receive your message
It’s a three-step process, but it’s risky because the third step introduces a high element of randomness. Be warned.
First, they see the notifications and think, “HA! They send the first message. They lose! I WIN. This is going to be brilliant.”
Then, they open the message and see the hill. They understand their mistake. “OH NO! They metaphorically took the higher ground with this hill. What a beautiful hill! I can see them on top, and I’m here all the way down. I don’t have any power in this relationship.”
Now, the third step. It’s the risky part I mentioned earlier. I call it the Dick Gambit.
Your match has two options.
- They reply to your first message from downhill and will never be able to climb it back up and take the lead in the relationship. You WIN.
- They edit the picture of the hill, add a dick at the top, and send it back to you. Needless to say, but they just took control of the relationship. You LOSE.
(Additional details if needed: it doesn’t matter if you, your match, or anybody in the convo has a dick in real life. It’s a metaphorical dick.)
The end of the aforementioned 24 year-long study came with a cut in my research fundings. Consider helping me by subscribing to Medium using my referral link (same price for you, but a commission for me).
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“Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy’s resistance with your profile description.”
― Sun Tzu — The Art of the First Message