How to Win Negotiations Against All Odds — A Practical Guide

Five Actionable Expert Strategies for Winning Every Negotiation Whether Personal or Profesional

This may seem random, but I picked this awesome tip from a Tv-Show on Netflix. Now, don’t worry, you don’t need to be an avid viewer to grasp what I’m about to share, though watching the show for the sheer enjoyment of it isn’t a bad idea either. The show I’m talking about is “Suits”.

Throughout this show, one of the main characters, Harvey Specter, uses this rule on multiple occasions to get what he wants. Harvey’s not just any character; He’s an exceptional lawyer, and he’s known as the best closer in New York City. Harvey prefers to settle his cases outside of court because going to court costs a lot. He’s good at negotiating because he always tries to find a way to settle. Winning without fighting is the best option.

But here’s the kicker: his methods are firmly rooted in psychology, which makes them a fascinating study. In a nutshell, when he wants something he’s unlikely to get, he starts by asking for an even bigger favor, one that is unacceptable. He knows he’ll get turned down on, but that’s all part of the plan. After the initial rejection, he requests what he genuinely wants and makes it seem like a concession. The result? He gets what he aimed for, and I’m here to break down why this strategy works like a charm. This is called the rule of reciprocal concession.

Understanding the Rule of Reciprocal Concession

Let’s take a moment to dig into the psychology behind the rule of reciprocal concession. It’s pretty fascinating, really. You know how when someone does something nice for us, we naturally want to return the favor? Well, that’s the essence of it. We’re wired to appreciate kindness and fairness, and this rule taps into that. It’s like a little social dance we all do without even thinking about it. This simple yet powerful principle can boost our connections and make life smoother — both in personal and professional spheres. So, let’s explore how it all works and how it can make a difference in our lives.

An outstanding article by Deepak Malhotra, a Harvard Business School professor, outlines four techniques for establishing goodwill and reciprocity. I explained them below and added a fifth one I picked up from Chris Voss’ book “Never Split the Difference”.

1. Clearly Identify Your Concessions

When you’re in the midst of negotiations, don’t assume that your gestures will automatically get the recognition they deserve. People tend to downplay or even miss your concessions, mostly to sidestep the whole ‘I owe you one’ feeling. So, the ball’s in your court to give those concessions a spotlight. Make them stand out and crystal clear to the other side.

Here are some key rules for identifying your concessions that we should discuss.

First, make it clear that what you’re giving up something valuable to you. This establishes that you’re actually making a concession.

Secondly, shed light on how the other party stands to gain from these concessions. I have noticed that people reciprocate concessions when they perceive the advantages they gain, often overlooking the sacrifices made.

Thirdly, don’t rush to abandon your initial demands too quickly. If they think your first offer is fake, then they won’t see your next offers as concessions. Instead, your concessions become more impactful when your counterpart views your initial demands as reasonable and serious. Your first offer should be strong, and you can use it as a reference point when bargaining.

2. Request and Define Reciprocity

While naming your concessions sets the stage for reciprocation, your counterpart may not always respond promptly. To enhance the chances of receiving something in return for your concession, consider diplomatically requesting reciprocity.

The tactic of requesting and defining reciprocity applies broadly and offers substantial benefits. For instance, consultants and contractors can effectively employ this strategy. When a client compliments their work, a savvy consultant tells them to spread the word to their boss or other potential customers.

3. Consider Making Contingent Concessions

“Contingent concessions” are concessions that are made only if certain requirements are met. Stated differently, these concessions are contingent on the other party meeting specific criteria or taking particular actions. It’s a negotiating tactic where you only give in on certain terms. This can make sure that the other party fulfills the conditions before you give away your concessions.

Conditional concessions are pretty low-risk. Basically, you’re saying you’ll compromise as long as they do too. But remember, too much of them can hurt trust-building. If you ask for compensation right away, it may seem like you’re only thinking about yourself instead of finding a solution that works for both of us.

4. Consider Making Concessions Gradually

The idea is to make small concessions based on what the other party does. We negotiate step-by-step and only continue when we’ve made progress or met certain requirements. It can be a useful tactic to maintain leverage and ensure that both parties are actively engaged in the negotiation process.

Here’s why you might want to consider giving in bit by bit. Negotiations usually involve a series of exchanges, where both sides give a little until we come to an agreement. It’s best not to show all your cards at once in your initial proposal. In addition, offering concessions gradually can show you don’t have to give up as much as you assumed. If you keep giving concessions slowly, you can get what you want without giving away too much. You can keep what’s left or use it to get more in return. Making minor concessions tells them you’re flexible. Cultivate goodwill by labeling each concession you make.

5. The Art of Silence — Strategic Pauses and Patience

This technique is inspired by Chris Voss’ book “Never Split the Difference”. He’s a renowned negotiator at the FBI. He’s a legendary negotiator at the FBI. The trick is to know when to stop talking during negotiations. Instead of immediately responding to offers or concessions, take a moment to pause and reflect. Doing this can make them feel uneasy or eager, which usually leads to them giving more concessions or information to break the silence. Say nothing and your counterpart might offer more to fill the silence (unless they also read the book and are doing the same to you). Being patient and disciplined can seriously up your negotiation game.

Conclusion

When it comes to negotiation, strategies and tactics can make or break a deal, so the rule of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” is key. It’s not merely a clever trick; it’s deeply rooted in the psychology of human interactions. If we understand this rule and use it to our advantage, we can nail negotiations, building stronger bonds and achieving our goals.

TL;DR

1. Clearly Identify Your Concessions:

- Make your concessions valuable and clear.

- Highlight how the other party benefits.

- Use your initial offer as a reference point for concessions.

2. Request and Define Reciprocity:

- Diplomatically ask for reciprocity.

- Guide others on how to reciprocate effectively.

3. Consider Making Contingent Concessions:

- Offer concessions with conditions or requirements.

- Ensure the other party fulfills criteria before giving away concessions.

4. Consider Making Concessions Gradually:

- Give in bit by bit as negotiations progress.

- Avoid revealing all your concessions at once.

- Show flexibility and cultivate goodwill with each concession.

5. The Art of Silence — Strategic Pauses and Patience:

- Use silence strategically during negotiations.

- Pause before responding to encourage the other party to provide more concessions or information.