How to Use the KonMari Method to Declutter and Improve Your Life

Create joy by leaving toxic relationships behind

Have you ever felt stuck at your job? Stuck with a friend who no longer shares your values and ties you down? Stuck in a lackluster relationship?

I’ve felt stuck in all three of these categories, but I’ve learned to tidy up my life and seek out that which brings me joy. Making a career change and terminating some relationships has dramatically improved my life.

Marie Kondo is an organizational guru. She has a show on Netflix and wrote a book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, explaining her process. Rather than cleaning the house by location, the KonMari Method involves tidying up in five categories:

• Clothes
• Books
• Papers
• Komono (miscellaneous items)
• Sentimental items

Moving down the list, Kondo encourages her clients to gather all items within a category into one location. The client is then to hold each individual item and consider whether it sparks joy. If an item fails to spark anything less than joy, clients are to thank it for its service and then gently place it in a garbage bag or donation pile.

The KonMari method emphasizes being mindful and introspective. This approach stems from the principle that if something does not spark joy, you do not need it in your home. It’s just clutter lying around taking up space and leaving you indifferent or miserable.

I argue that this same method could be used to de-clutter and improve your life. Here are my categories:

• Job/Career
• Friends
• Romantic relationships

Evaluate whether any of these categories is a source of dissatisfaction in your life. If something doesn’t spark joy, it’s time to tidy up. The KonMari website lists six rules to follow when tidying: (1) Commit yourself to tidying up. (2) Imagine your ideal lifestyle. (3) Finish discarding first. (4) Tidy by category, not location. (5) Follow the right order. (6) Ask yourself if it sparks joy.

1. Commit yourself to tidying not just your space, but your life. Living a joyful and meaningful life means eliminating that which doesn’t help you pursue your own happiness or goals.
2. Imagine your ideal lifestyle. Do you want a career that allows you to travel the world? Do you want to become a renowned author? Whatever your dream lifestyle, surround yourself with people who will help you get there or be supportive as you take the appropriate steps.
3. Finish discarding first. Think deeply before deciding to let go of a career or relationship. If there are measures which can be taken to fix things, by all means, try to fix them first. But if you’re absolutely unhappy and there is nothing salvageable, then perhaps it’s time to learn from your experiences and move forward with your life.
4. Tidy by category, not location. Focus on one area of your life at a time. If you try to change too much at once, there could be negative consequences such as alienating your loved ones or burning bridges at work.
5. Follow the right order. I say start with your career first because there’s less emotion involved than ending a friendship. Additionally, a 2016 Pew Research Center survey shows that 30 percent of American workers view the work they do as “just a job to get them by.” Having a fulfilling career that sparks joy can shift your mindset from dreading the day to embracing each morning. This shift in perspective can help improve your personal relationships.
6. Ask yourself if the relationship sparks joy. In your job, does the work itself or the people you work with spark joy? Do you dread a friend’s phone call because they only reach out when they need something? Does a date with your partner feel more like an obligation than something you look forward to doing? If you don’t feel joy in the things you do, it might be worth considering cutting ties.

It may sound challenging to switch careers and harsh to end relationships with people you care about. But doing this in my own life has opened up so many possibilities and led to me being happier than ever.

Job/Career

Marie Kondo released a book this year titled Joy at Work. The publisher’s summary describes the novel as helpful in eliminating clutter in the workplace and enjoying productivity and success.

The workplace is a magnet for clutter and mess. Who hasn’t felt drained by wasteful meetings, disorganized papers, endless emails, and unnecessary tasks? These are the modern-day hazards of working, and they can slowly drain the joy from work, limit our chances of career progress, and undermine our well-being.

There is another way. In Joy at Work, best-selling author and Netflix star Marie Kondo and Rice University business professor Scott Sonenshein offer stories, studies, and strategies to help you eliminate clutter and make space for work that really matters.

Using the world-renowned KonMari Method and cutting-edge research, Joy at Work will help you overcome the challenges of workplace mess and enjoy the productivity, success, and happiness that come with a tidy desk and mind.

Eliminating clutter and distractions can be a great starting point. If tidying your digital space and creating a productive schedule reinvigorates the joy you once had in your career, that’s great!

However, sometimes tidying may not be enough to revitalize your love for your work. Even relocating, staying within your career field but in a new city, may not satisfy the itch for something better.

I worked in the journalism industry for six years. I started as a sports contributor with my local paper my senior year in high school. Halfway through college, I received a job offer at a newspaper and decided to finish my degree online.

After two years of working professionally, I realized that journalism was not something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. It didn’t provide the intellectual stimulation I craved. Also, working from 4 p.m. to 1 a.m. did not fit with my dream lifestyle.

So I began seeking out other opportunities where I could write and make a decent living. That’s when I stumbled upon an advertisement for a law firm seeking a legal writer. After conducting some more research into legal career paths, I registered for the LSAT and applied to law school.

My law school hosted a welcome orientation dinner. I chatted with people from all walks of life and varying motivations for becoming lawyers. By the end of the evening, I felt as if I had finally found my calling. These were the type of ambitious people I had been longing to be around my whole life. People with drive and purpose. Those who knew what they wanted to achieve and were taking steps to make their goals a reality.

It’s never too late to change career paths. I started school in the part-time program, continuing to work in journalism to help pay for school. I was among the youngest in that program. My peers were middle-aged single mothers, former auto sales reps, youth pastors, and more.

If returning to school is out of the question because you lack the time or resources, begin expanding your network. If you want to join a specific profession, seek out people who already work there. Attend workshops or social events and speak with those who have experience in the field. Learn what skills you already possess that can be transferred. Take some online courses or watch free videos to educate yourself on the skills you lack.

Don’t keep waking up to work at a job you dread. Find a career path that sparks joy in your life.

Friendships

I had a best friend in junior high, we’ll call her Elaine, who I spent most of my time with until high school graduation. I graduated valedictorian and went to college on a full-ride scholarship. She had dropped out a year prior and pursued a GED. Our lives were beginning to take different paths.

While I began to expand my horizons through my courses and extracurricular activities, Elaine stayed in the small rural town where she grew up. As I met new people and got exposed to several different mindsets, Elaine failed to broaden her social sphere.

When I came home for the summer to stay with my parents after that first year in college, I was a different person. I tried to share my new experiences with Elaine, but all she could talk about was our former high school peers.

One day while we were out shopping, we saw someone with whom I had graduated. This girl had been a bully to us, but I no longer cared. However, Elaine still had the mentality of a high schooler and began making fun of her outfit and hair. At that moment, I realized that we were drifting apart.

The next summer, after my second year in college, is when we had our falling out. Elaine and I had gotten into an argument when she issued an ultimatum. Either I had to agree with her, or we were no longer friends. We haven’t spoken to each other since.

I could have reached out at some point over the past few years. When the friendship ended, it was painful. But I recognized that I no longer needed her immaturity and toxicity in my life. I needed friends who would help me become a better person, not someone who reminisced about high school and enjoyed making fun of others.

Since then, I’ve had to cut two other friends out of my life. One of them had become a one-sided friendship where I was putting in all the effort, and she only called when she needed something or wanted me to validate her poor life choices. The other friend I stay in touch with only on Facebook. If I see a meme or an article that I think she would enjoy, I’ll send her a message. But we no longer hang out in person.

These friendships had begun holding me back. Spending time with these women no longer sparked joy in my life. They had become sources of bittersweet emotions. I was still clinging to the person I thought they were when we first became friends.

I silently thanked these women for the good times and the lessons that I learned, then let the friendship fade away.

Romantic Relationships

I lived with my ex-boyfriend for nearly eight months. We had been together for almost a year when we moved into a shared apartment in October of 2017. By the following February, I realized that I was unhappy in the relationship.

He didn’t have a job, and he wasn’t looking for one either. My ex was pursuing his dream of becoming a professional online gamer. I had offered to work and provide for us so that he could pursue his dream. All asked was that he do the cooking and cleaning. He did so occasionally.

About 80 percent of his time was dedicated to gaming. He would sleep for maybe four or five hours each day. He did set one day of the week aside to spend time with me and focus on our relationship. But this eventually became a chore to him. I could tell that he was thinking about his online matches while cuddling and watching television with me.

It took a while, but slowly I came to realize that he was just using me. His parents refused to let him live at home if he didn’t have a job, and I provided an escape for him to do nothing but play online games.

At first, I denied it. I didn’t want to believe that this person I loved was taking advantage of my kindness and desire to help him achieve his dreams.

The relationship didn’t end until June — four months after I realized it was no longer working. I was too scared to end it. Too afraid to leave the familiar and be alone. Sad to admit, he was the one who broke it off with me because he’d met someone online.

It hurt like hell, but I needed that relationship to end. I am forever grateful that my ex left when he did. I learned to set higher standards for what I want and need in a relationship.

A few weeks after the breakup, I met my absolutely incredible fiancé. We share the same goals in life and both have high aspirations for our careers. Our relationship brings me an immense amount of joy.

Conclusion

Don’t stay stuck in a rut. It can be challenging to take that first step toward a career change. It can be painful to end a years-long friendship or a long-term relationship. But it can be so rewarding.

When you tidy up your life by leaving a dead-end job or ending toxic relationships, it makes room for positive influences to enter and bring you joy. Being unchained from negativity allows you to pursue your ideal lifestyle.

Spend time reflecting on your life. Evaluate what areas are important to you. Then ask yourself, “Does this spark joy?”