Turn Grief into Motivation

Discover how to harness loss for personal growth and development.

We all experience grief in our lives, whether we are ready for it or not. Grief can be the result of a loved one’s death, ending of a relationship, or the loss of a dream. In the depth of grieving, it can be impossible to imagine harnessing those emotions into motivation and potential personal growth. However, the journey of grief can fuel the path of self-improvement.

I’ve suffered from grief that I wasn’t ready for. I knew immediately I’d have to seek help from professionals to help heal and move forward with my life. That feeling of being overwhelmed, frozen, irritable, and anxious wasn’t going to go away on it’s own through my coping mechanisms of crying, eating, and being irrationally angry at the world.

The Therapist:

My first call was to a grief therapist who helped me acknowledge the pain. We wrote letters to my father, I spoke to an empty chair, and I said goodbye numerous times. The first step was to acknowledge my grief in a safe environment.

I had to give myself permission to grieve.

By acknowledging and allowing those emotions, I inherently was allowing myself to transform and grow.

The pain:

With pain comes growth, and grief is incredibly painful. Instead of running from, or in my case eating the pain, we must embrace it. We must feel the pain and with time accept it. The pain of loving someone is indicative of how worthy that person,dream or goal was in our lives.

Reflecting upon the significance of what was lost allows for the reflection of its importance and significance.

Priorities:

When we grieve, our priorities change. We no longer focus on little, minuscule problems or inconveniences. When grieving, I didn’t care about arbitrary deadlines at work, or how many carbs were in my food. Office gossip became obnoxious and a waste of energy. What really mattered was my family and friends. Those who loved and supported me throughout life.

I focused on my dreams and goals that really mattered, not making someone else wealthy at the expense of my peace of mind and quality time.

Action:

This is the crucial and hardest step. Manifesting grief into motivation and action. Forcing yourself to do what you know is best. Channeling that energy into something positive, a change in your life.

I forced myself to go to a pole dancing class. It sounds silly, but it was something I always wanted to try. I always felt like I wasn’ fit enough, or I’d look ridiculous trying to be sexy. But I forced myself out of the apartment and into a darkly lit, sensual studio. Three years later, I found myself in a pole competition, surrounded by my new pole family. A supportive and loving pole family I’d never meet if I stayed holed up in my apartment.

Grief is the driving force for positive change. It’s not a weakness, it’s a part of life that must be embarrassed and respected.

Grief allows us to take action, seek support, and reevaluate our lives.

After 6 years, I am grateful for the pain I suffered, for it allowed me to grow into a new, better person.

I learned to love, and be loved.

I learned patience.

I learned compassion.

I learned self-worth.

I learned tomorrow is a brighter future, but also not guaranteed, so let’s live today to its fullest.

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Hi! I am Lindsay, a speech pathologist. I write about life, mindfulness, my career, and financial literacy. Want to see more stories on your feed? Follow me!