How to Trigger a Nuclear Explosion
The instructions go viral
Carly Landowski was a freshman in high school who wanted to be a writer more than anything. She was a straight-A student who read between two and four books a week in addition to all her school work. She also managed to spend a lot of time on a teenage writers’ forum online. If one were to ask any of Cindy’s classmates to describe her they would all have described her as a ‘book nerd.’
Carly Landowski’s best friend was Cindy Lytle. In addition to the fact that they both had the very same initials, they had a lot more in common. They were both book nerds. They were both freshmen in the same school. Cindy also wanted to be a writer and she was also a straight-A student (almost). In addition to reading one or two books a week, Cindy also wrote on the same teenage writers’ forum online as Carly.
Plus they both wore glasses (which helped solidify their labels of, ‘book nerds’).
Carly and Cindy had been best friends since fourth grade when they lived next door to each other. Both of their families upgraded socially to bigger homes since then and while they were no longer neighbors they ended up living only eight blocks apart. For freshmen girls with bikes that was hardly an insurmountable distance. Usually, it was Cindy who rode her bike to Carly’s house, her laptop secured safely in her backpack.
It was on a Friday that Cindy pedaled her bike as furiously as she could to get to Carly’s house. The two best friends had written a short story together and had posted it on Thursday. The results were starting to come in.
The two girls also wanted to begin a new story and this was a perfect weekend to do that. Carly’s parents were out of town for most of the weekend so she and Cindy could cloister themselves in an empty house to focus on the story. Carly’s mother, Crystal, had taken Carly’s father, Crystek, to the cancer clinic in the city 200 miles away.
Arriving at Carly’s house, Cindy got off her bike and let it drop to the ground. She was quickly ringing the doorbell.
Carly answered, “Hey. My parents are gone for the weekend so you don’t have to ring the doorbell. Get the hell in here.”
“Carly, have you been to the site yet? We’ve got over 800 Love Hearts for our story! We’ve never gotten more than 120 for any of our stories.”
The girls walked swiftly into the kitchen/dining room where Carly’s laptop sat opened up on the bar counter separating the kitchen and living room.
“Well, you obviously haven’t checked the numbers in at least 20 minutes because we now have over 1500 Love Hearts.”
“Oh my God! Are you serious? This is fantastic. We’re going viral.”
“Yeah, well I thought it was fantastic, too, until I started reading some of the comments.”
“What? Oh no. What are people saying?”
“Relax. You’ll find out in a minute. Get your laptop set up and you can read the comments yourself. You want something to drink?”
“Yeah, thanks Carly. I’ll have a Mountain Dew if you’ve got one.”
“Seriously? That stuff is poison. It’ll make you fat and give you cancer.”
“So what are you drinking?”
“Mango tea.”
“Fine. I’ll have a glass of that.”
“You’ll thank me when you’re 25 and you don’t weigh 300 pounds.”
Cindy’s laptop was booted up and she just arrived at the writers’ site, “Holy shit, Carly. Our story has 3,142 Love Hearts!”
“What? I step away from the computer for five minutes and our Love Hearts double? What is going on?”
Cindy’s eyes grew big as she looked at Carly, “Oh my God! We’re going viral.”
Just then the front door opened up.
Very quickly, Carly’s older sister, Candace, appeared in the kitchen carrying a backpack, a carry bag and a plastic grocery bag.
Carly was incredulous, “What the fuck are you doing home from college?”
“And hello to you, too. I just thought I’d come visit my family for the weekend.”
“Mom and Dad aren’t here.”
“I know. I talked to Mom on the phone.”
“So you’re here to fucking babysit me?”
“Hey, someone’s gotta do it. My boyfriend went out of town for the weekend so I thought, what the hell?”
“That’s just fucking great!”
“Sorry, did I spoil your plans for a big party?”
“No, I’m not you. Cindy and I were going to write a short story together.”
“Oooh, you really should slow things down and not party so hard at your age,” Candace dropped her backpack and carry bag then pulled a six-pack of beer out of the grocery bag and put it in the refrigerator. “I’m going to put my stuff away. I’ll be right back.”
After Candace left the room the two best friends looked at each other.
“What are we going to do, Carly? Should we go up to your bedroom and lock the door so we can write the story in peace?”
“How can we write the story while our last story is going viral? We’ve got to read all the comments. We’ve got to figure out what’s going on.” She looked at her laptop, “Oh my God! We’re up to 6,210 Love Hearts and we’ve got 403 comments!”
Cindy covered her mouth with her hand and quickly went to sit down at the bar counter in front of her laptop. She began rubbing her hands together, “I’m afraid to read the comments.”
Carly was already reading them.
Cindy took a deep breath and began scrolling down through the comments. After reading the first comment she said, “Hey, that was really nice. PuppyLover2003 loved our story.” A minute later she spoke again, “What? This comment gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. Why would someone say that?”
Just then Candace came back into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of beer. She twisted off the cap and took a swig. She then went to the kitchen sink and threw the bottle-cap into the trash can under the sink. Taking another swig, she went to the dining room table and sat down.
“So you girly girls are writing a story, huh? Is it a romance? A princess story? A story about cute kittens?”
“Bite me, Candy.” Carly turned around on her bar stool and looked at her older sister, “Actually we’re not writing right now. We’re reading comments on the story we posted yesterday. It seems that story is going viral.”
“Hey, that’s good, right?”
“I’m not so sure. Listen, can I ask you a favor? Would you read our story and tell us what you think and why it might be going viral and getting a lot of weird, angry comments.”
Candace let out a snort of derision, “Fine.”
Carly scrolled up to the top of the story then brought her laptop over to Candace and placed it on the table in front of her.
Candace took a healthy swig of beer then started reading.
Carly began pacing back and forth through the dining room and kitchen. Cindy continued reading comments and occasionally would say things like, “Oh no,” and “People are so mean.” and “What an idiot,” and “Oh God, that comment gives me a sick feeling in my stomach.” Several times she merely said, “Seriously?”
Finally Candace finished the story and went to the refrigerator for another beer. After she returned to the dining room table Cindy quit reading comments and turned around to face Candace.
Carly stopped pacing, “Well?”
“Okay, I thought it was just going to be some stupid princess story but it was an action/adventure thriller. That was good. People like that. So…. let’s see if I got this right. Some thug terrorists get their hands on the instructions on how to detonate a nuclear bomb. The two Nancy Drew wannabe teenage girls steal the instructions from them and the thug terrorists chase the girls to get the instructions back.”
“It would make a good car chase movie if only the driver of the getaway car was a Fast and Furious type hunk of a man instead of a dorky Nancy Drew wannabe teenage girl with only a driver’s permit.”
Carly rolled her eyes.
“But there was a lot of action and not too much dialogue. People like that. People want guns and car chases and explosions and people dying. Now, your title….” she looked at the laptop, “‘Secrets to Detonating a Nuclear Bomb,’ well that is just pure unadulterated clickbait. Good job. You drew a lot of people in to read your story.”
“But you know what your problem was?”
“What?” Carly and Cindy said simultaneously.
“Your problem is that you wrote the story in first person. When people read something in first person they automatically assume that you’re writing about something that actually happened rather than a made up story.”
“That’s bullshit. Lots and lots and lots of novels have been written in the first person. Novels that have been written in the first person have won the Pullitzer Prize, for crying out loud. People aren’t that stupid.”
“Oh, my naive, dim-witted baby sister! Yes, people really are that stupid. So look at the ending of your story. While fleeing the terrorists, the two Nancy Drew girls crash their car into a trash dumpster. They are not hurt thanks to the air bags. They get out of the car just as the terrorists arrive with their machine guns. Then suddenly their car explodes into a ball of fire. The terrorists demand the bomb instructions but the Nancy Drew girl who was driving pointed at the car on fire and tells them the instructions are in the car. With police sirens in the distance the terrorist get back in their cars and drive away. Then Nancy Drew number 2 says to Nancy Drew number 1, ‘At least the instructions are gone forever.’ Then Nancy Drew number 1 smiles and pulls out the instructions from the back pocket of her jeans.”
“And then the fucking story ends. Don’t you see what the readers are thinking? They think it’s a true story because you guys wrote in first person and they think that YOU,” she pointed at Carly, “are in the possession of the secret instructions on how to set off a nuclear bomb! They see YOU as a potential terrorist who could potentially kill millions of people.”
“That’s crazy! That’s absurd! That’s stupid!”
Cindy spoke up, “It does explain a lot of the comments we’re getting.”
Carly took off her glasses and wiped her face with her hand, “This is unbelievable.”
Cindy spoke up again, “Oh my God! We just passed sixty thousand Love Hearts!”
Candace took a swig of beer, “So do you see now what you’ve done?”
Carly put her glasses back on and started pacing again, “No, I don’t see. It makes no sense whatsoever. We were just writing a fiction story. I’m not a goddam terrorist. Why are people so stupid?”
Cindy let out a high-pitched, ear-piercing scream, “Carly, you’re not going to believe this but Cody Leitner just posted a comment.”
“Who’s Cody Leitner?” asked Candace.
Cindy flipped around in her chair to address Candace, “Cody Leitner is Carly’s boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend!” screamed Carly.
Cindy continued, “Carly has a major crush on Cody Leitner. He’s a sophomore and president of the chess club. He’s a major nerd.”
Carly went up to Cindy’s laptop to read Cody’s comment:
“Cindy, I hope your going to do the right thing and turn in those instructions to the authorities.”
“Oh great! Cody thinks I actually have the instructions! And worse than that he doesn’t know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re!’ He’s obviously a fucking moron. There’s no way he’ll ever be my boyfriend!”
Candace was about to take a sip of beer but stopped to admonish her younger sister, “Carly, are you hearing yourself? Do you realize how condescending and judgmental you’re being? If you keep going through life judging people by their grammar abilities you know what’s going to happen? You’re never, ever, ever, ever, ever going to get laid and you’re gonna die an eighty-year-old spinster virgin.”
Candace continued, “Oh, and Cindy if you keep screaming like a little girl like that you’ll die a virgin, too.”
Carly turned around and flipped off her older sister.
Carly started pacing again, “What the hell are we going to do?”
“Well, sis, maybe you should post a comment and apologize.”
“Apologize?! For what? Writing a fictional story? That’s crazy.”
“Holy crap,” Cindy said. “Carly, you and I have the same initials and, apparently so does your sister but you know what I just realized? Cody Leitner also has the same initials!”
“Seriously, Cindy? That’s what you’re noticing? We’ve got a crisis going on here and you notice a silly little coincidence like that? Yeah, sure, we all have the same initials here and, yes, the two girls in the story also had the same initials. But that was just some literary fun we were having. It’s not important! What’s important is that we are being labeled as terrorists by a bunch of stupid people.”
“Sorry, Carly. I just noticed and felt the need to point it out. And guess what? We now suddenly have over half a million Love Hearts!”
Carly intensified her pacing. “Man, I thought having a story go viral was going to really make me happy. I thought it was going to feel wonderful. But now I’m a freaking terrorist!”
Just then there was a knock on the front door. Carly stopped pacing and all three females looked at each other with opened mouths. No one moved.
Again there was a knocking. Still no one moved.
After the third knock Carly went to the front door. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to see two large beefy men in suits who proceeded to flash their badges.
The man on the left spoke, “Hello, I’m Chris Lancaster.”
Then the second man spoke, “I’m Carlos Lopez. We’re from the department of Homeland Security. Can we come in? We’ve got some questions we’d like to ask you.”
Copyright by White Feather. All Rights Reserved. This is a work of fiction.
