How to Trick Our Brain to Love Hearing “No”
In a world filled with fears of rejection, how can we overcome it?
Imagine there are two people, Alex and Jennifer.
Alex has had a crush for over a year on Jennifer. For months he’s been planning to ask her out, however, every time he goes for it, fear consumes him and he backs out last minute.
After months of delaying this process, he’s had enough. Today is the day he asks her out.
He gathers up all his courage, chants his affirmations softly, and goes up to her.
“Hey Jennifer, I wanted to say I think you’re a super cool person and want to get to know you better. Let’s meet for dinner this Friday?”
“No, I’m sorry Alex. I don’t feel the same way.” Jennifer says as his heart drops to the floor.
“YES! ” he screams with excitement, turning around and walking away with incredible energy.
How did getting rejected make Alex not only happy but excited?
The Fear of Rejection
Whether it’s pitching sales calls, asking someone out, or asking for a raise, we never want to hear those fatal words “No!”
Hearing no can be like a bullet to the heart.
It’s deadly to our mental. And for good reason too.
Evolutionarily, being rejected from the tribe or access to resources could have meant death, as we would be all alone with no group to survive with.
Even though this was hundreds of thousands of years ago, our brains haven’t truly adjusted to modern times, leaving this fear of rejection as prominent as ever.
The slightest rejections can trigger this primal thinking, and leaves us lost in a cycle of fear:
- I ask a girl out -> She says no -> No one will ever love me -> I’m going to die alone -> Death
- I make a sales call -> They don’t buy the product -> I’ll never survive in this world -> Death
- I ask my boss for a raise -> He says no and thinks less of me -> I’m a total failure and will never be able to provide-> Death
This is exactly how our brain processes fear, and it’s funny to think about it because we know we won’t actually die from doing it.
However, that feeling overcomes us and makes it so we feel like we will die from it.
So, how can we break free from these feelings of fear and death?
Gameify It!
If you want to overcome this fear, you need to start looking for the no instead of the yes.
Going back to our first example, Alex suffered from a fear of asking this girl out for over a year.
Once he did do it, he got rejected which should’ve left him feeling a fear that overconsumed him and made his brain think he would forever be alone. Instead, he screamed, “YES!” with excitement, walking away happier than ever.
What you didn’t know about Alex was his brand new challenge of getting rejected 100 times.
Instead of asking her out and wishing for a yes, he actively looked for the no so he could get one step closer to his goal of 100.
When we actively look for a no instead of a yes, these feelings of fear don’t consume us.
This trick turns a scary game filled with fear into a Win-Win scenario.
You ask the girl out and either get a:
- Yes! Congratulations, you scored a date!
- No! Congratulations, you’re one step closer to 100 rejections!
Either way, you win now, so the “losing” part of the equation is gone.
If you want a fun way to get better with rejections, try out the 100 days of rejection therapy challenge!
I only just recently discovered it, but I plan on starting it today, so join me!
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