How to Travel as a Couple for 12 Months and NOT Return Solo in 4 Easy Steps
The truth about being together 24/7 for 365 days and how you can improve your own relationship without traveling to the end of the world.
Hi, we are Katharina and Marcus. We left our well-paid jobs and traveled the world together. We have been in a relationship for more than five years before we left Germany in our new role as a traveler’s couple.
Did you know that a stunning 90% of all partnership problems are actually caused by one essential factor?
Thankfully, there is a solid approach to tackle this issue. Don’t worry we will tell you more about it soon.
In this article, we would like to take you on our journey through the world and show you, why travel skills are valuable for every relationship, regardless of whether you want to travel or not.
Thanks to Katharina’s job as a psychologist, we can not only tell you what helped us to stay together for more than 365 days on the road but also back to our observations with solid knowledge from her therapy experience
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” — Mark Twain
Let us be honest: we went through a lot during the last 12 months.
Just to give you an idea: one of us became seriously sick in Cambodia, we went through a 9-week lockdown in New Zealand, and were also involved in a scooter accident.
At this point, you might be wondering how on earth did we manage to take 365 days off. Well, we didn’t do the saving all by ourselves. We paid a decent part of the journey with profits we made by trading stocks. Here is how to start:
Leaving our comfort zone
Our life was always very organized and comfortable at home with two 8–5 jobs. We had a routine that gave us all the comfort of a usual middle-class couple. We had a cat called Garfield, friendly neighbors, our trusted supermarket, and of course a few delicious restaurants for the weekends.
From getting up early in the morning to going to sleep at 10 p. m., our life was structured and didn’t leave much space for spontaneous decisions.
Well, that changed in October 2019.
October 2019, Duesseldorf Airport
We finally took off, after three years of preparation. We were excited like children when entering a toy paradise.
If you open your Instagram app and check our pictures, you will only see picture-perfect moments and a super happy couple. Granted, in many places, life is much easier and more pleasant when traveling.
There is, for example, no duty to visits the in-laws twice a month and if you travel in low-cost countries many of your daily chores like laundry, making the bed, and cooking is suddenly done for you.
“One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things.” -Henry Miller
The truth about traveling as a couple
Every day was suddenly completely different. We encountered new places with new challenges every day:
unfamiliar food, extreme climate conditions, strange noises and smells, language barriers, strange diseases,… we felt followed, lost documents and money, and didn’t have much privacy because our partner was always nearby.
We also noticed a constant need to make decisions. Almost every decision had to be coordinated. We realized that we left our well-organized comfort zone.
Which daily activities do we want to pursue?
Do we prefer walking or cycling?
Do you want to take a taxi or rent a scooter?
Should you take the slow and cheap train or the fast and expensive plane?
Do you want to stay with others in a hostel or do you prefer a luxury hotel?
Do we want to go for a hike or visit a museum instead?
Do we want to cook at your Airbnb place or eat at the restaurant nearby?
4 Steps to travel together and stay together
Basically, the secret to travel harmoniously together is the same as for a good relationship at home: good communication skills.
Step 0: Communication
Your ability to talk to your partner can be either your biggest asset or your biggest weakness.
As mentioned at the beginning of the article, a stunning 90% of all partnership problems are actually caused by some kind of communication problem. Here are some principles of balanced communication.
Acknowledge the fact that every human being perceives the world differently.
This is even true for you and your partner and applies to both life at home and traveling.
That’s the main reason why it is so important to talk about the things you experience together.
Here is an example:
Imagine you and your partner are walking through a village in Cambodia. You both see the children playing in the street.
One of you thinks: “Omg, they don’t have proper clothing. I feel so sorry for them. “ The other one thinks “Wow, amazing — they must have a lot of fun together, I can’t remember seeing kids being so happy together, look how they smile.”
If you don’t share your experience with each other, you won’t know how your partner perceived the situation.
Here is another important rule for communication: talk about your wishes and plans in a clear and positive way that makes the partner understand your needs.
To do so, you should formulate clear “I messages” in which you state your wishes, expectations, and feelings positively. Here is an example:
Say things like: “I would like to eat locally tonight because I love to try local flavors.” instead of “We always eat burgers. Not again tonight!”
It is crucial for both of you to actively listen to each other by signaling your interest and understanding of the messages conveyed.
Lastly, be cautious about criticism. Avoid unspecific accusations and don’t yell at your partner. Otherwise, you will place your partner in a state in which he has no other choice but to defend himself. This leads to more emotions, yelling, and accusations. All of which you will most likely regret later.
Instead, try to talk friendly and be clear about your message. Try to understand your partner’s point of view and let him know you understand his feelings.
Remember, maybe he perceives the situation completely differently than you do.
Once you have mastered your communication style, you can move on and start to plan your adventure.
1. Step: Find a travel style that suits both of you
Before you even start planning your trip, here are just a few things you can talk about before you leave home:
- Do you prefer to travel fast or slow? The faster you travel, the more places you see. The slower you travel, the more time you have to explore destinations.
- How much money do you want to spend? This factor usually influences the travel style the most. The more you spend each day, the less days you can travel. Maybe one really values the pool, while the other is the first one on the local market in the morning. We had a shared budget for every day, for example, $60 for both of us in low-cost countries.
- Where do you want to travel? Do you prefer low-cost countries or western places? Can you handle extreme climate conditions near the equator or do you prefer fresh corners like in New Zealand or Canada?
- How much flexibility do you want to allow in your journey? Booking places in advance gives you security whereby living day by day leaves you enough flexibility to stay longer if you like a place and leave earlier if you don’t.
Talking about your expectations with active communication skills is crucial for your trip and lays an important foundation for the time to come.
Step 2: Understand the values and strengths of your partner
Each of you has certain abilities, weaknesses, and strengths. The first step is of course to acknowledge that no one is best in everything.
Figure out which of your daily tasks as a travelers-couple are best managed by you or your partner. This is not very different from life at home, leave finance to the other one if you prefer to lead the way and to navigation.
Make use of these abilities to improve your everyday life. It might be even a good idea to write down your partner’s abilities you value the most. You can even use it as a good practice to exercise gratitude.
For example, one of us is much better at reading maps, orientation, and knows a lot more about nutrition, biology, and languages than the other one.
Probably some of the skills your partner has are even the reason why you have chosen him in the first place. When you have mastered this very important skill, you will create an unbreakable bond between the two of you. This bond lets you navigate through unknown territories no one would have discovered on his own!
“Play to your strengths. If you aren’t great at something, do more of what you’re great at.” -Jason Lemkin
Step 3: Take a break
There is a certain point in which either one or both of you reach your limits. If you are active all day, change places on a daily basis, and travel in crowded local busses you will be knocked out probably after a few weeks.
To prevent the famous “travel blues” you need to find a cozy spot for both of you to settle down for a while. Take time to think about the adventures you have just been through.
You will reach your limit much faster if you don’t travel healthily.
If you don’t limit alcohol intake for example or you eat a lot of unhealthy food like fried meat instead of fresh fruits. Another way would be by exposing yourself all day long to the sun without any protection.
Keep in mind recovery is a very individual business. While one can relax better with an e-book at the hotel’s pool, the other finds peace of mind with a great podcast walking the esplanade.
“To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship.” — Doménico Cieri Estrada
Either way, respect the partner’s need for recovery even if you aren’t exhausted yet. communicate your desire to take a break and let the partner pursue whatever he wishes. Even if he hikes to the highest mountain without you meanwhile.
Step 4: Accept the fact that you might have different habits and interests
Even though you love each other this doesn’t necessarily mean you have to share the same hobby. One is maybe really into surfing while the other prefers snorkeling. That’s totally ok.
Leave each other room to pursue individual activities regularly. The rewarding side effect is, that you will have enough stuff to talk about.
This is really important as you otherwise will quickly run out of topics because you simply do everything together.
Wow, you have made it this far. Thank you so much for reading!
Remember, the most important concept to travel-proof your relationship is communication. It’s the most important toolbox you have.
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We hope to see you again in the future.
