How to Train Your Dragon Mother-in-Law

Families are complicated, but the relationship with your mother-in-law can be a disaster

Growing up through life, I learned a lot of things about marriage, but two things got stuck in my head till today.

First, there is a lot of single or divorced people, so the statistics to have a happy, lasting relationship or marriage are the same as finding the perfect job. It is possible but requires a lot of work and effort, and sometimes even this is not enough.

Second, you need to win a lottery with the partner’s family. We all know how hard it is to win the lottery. It is possible, but you need to be lucky. The scariest, the most dangerous part of the family is the mother-in-law.

Working with mostly women over the years taught me that 80% of them resent their mothers-in-law. I rarely heard the criticisms about the fathers-in-law, I guess, because they don’t get involved in the family drama, like their wives.

Listening to the stories of my friends, colleagues, and co-workers made me anxious. It seemed impossible to get a kind and loving mother-in-law.

I dreamed about having a second mum, the one who will love me truly and not just because her son picked me up to be his better half.

The women who complained about their mothers-in-law seemed to have similar problems with them — lack of respect, overstepping the boundaries, being noisy, or critical.

But we know that every story has three sides — yours, theirs, and the truth.

So, when you hear this kind of terror stories, you can’t help yourself thinking— are the mothers-in-law the only one to blame? We can be a problem too.

So before you point a finger to your second mum and accuse her being guilty, ask yourself: Am I a good daughter-in-law?

Am I doing everything to have a harmonious relationship with her?

Is my mother-in-law perfect?

From the moment that I meet my mother-in-law at a Christmas party, she burned my concerns to the ground. She was everything that every daughter-in-law wants — kind, welcoming, and loving. It didn’t look as she was acting for the audience.

And over the years, she showed me numerous times that she could win the title of the best mother-in-law on this planet!

Sometimes, when people ask me about our relationship, I can feel their doubts, as I’m lying or painting the perfect picture.

The truth is, I won the lottery!

People are skeptical because they never experienced pure love from their second family or simply because they don’t give and receive true love.

So what are the traits of the “perfect” and goddess mother-in-law that makes her so special and almost unthinkable? And what can you do to convert your mean second mummy into your friend?

She is pure

We can’t expect a loving relationship from a person who is mean and fake. Building beautiful and loving relations starts with individuals who have good hearts and pure intentions.

Pure mothers-in-law are caring, open, friendly, and have positive energy.

They treat their family, friends, and strangers the same, with love and respect. Their main hobby is not gossiping, and their intentions are not selfish or harmful.

Advice Over time, every person reveals their true colors. The complicated relationships with mothers-in-law are often like that because of their (or yours!) negative personality traits. It is almost impossible to change someone else, so you can only be who you are and hope she will come around.

It can be challenging dealing with a toxic person, but remember you are dating her son and not her.

She doesn’t compete with you or get jealous

The mums are usually the ones extra protective around their (grown-up) sons, and they can quickly get jealous for numerous reasons. Maybe she thinks you don’t spend enough time with the family, or she has her ideas about raising the kids or doing the housework.

The good mothers-in-law don’t compete with their daughters-in-law because there is no competition.

You two both love the same man, and this should be a great start for loving connection. There is also no space for jealousy — the “perfect mother-in-law” knows her worth and place in her son’s life.

Advice If you feel the jealousy or competition from the partner’s mum, try to show her there is no need for that. Invite her for visits and include her more in your family time.

Usually, negative feelings like jealousy and competition are coming from the fear of being abandoned and forgotten. Encourage your love to spend quality time with his mum — all families need some alone time.

She is your favorite teacher

The good mother-in-law teaches her “daughter” the things without making her feel small. She is always there for you, offering her help and life guidance, with pure intention to uplift you and not putting you down.

Advice Let her teach you! She knew her son years ago before you came around. I feel like the ego of some ladies can be a barrier here, more than the teaching methods of their mothers-in-law.

Again, let her teach you. If you will reach out to her, she will reach out to you too.

She is your friend

I don’t mean the phony friend with whom you smile for the family photo, and then five seconds later, rolling your eyes because of her table sitting arrangement.

If you are hanging out with your mother-in-law without her son and you can call her friend, congratulations!

Some people click together instantly, and others need more time. We can’t just become best friends overnight, and every relationship needs time to grow. But we can help to build this bond by getting to know each other better and with spending time together.

Advice Take time to get to know your mother-in-law. Be the one who does the first move and invite her somewhere without your partner. Start building the family bond with her.

You can’t have a strong connection if you don’t nurture it.

She respects your boundaries

Some people are like bulls in a china shop — they are careless and thoughtless. This often means that they don’t respect your boundaries simply because they don’t even know about them.

The good mother-in-law knows your limits, and she respects them.

She doesn’t come over without being invited, and she doesn’t cut your kid’s hair without asking your first or doing plans in your name.

Advice If you are dealing with mum whose overstepping your limits, make sure you set your boundaries with her. Have a private conversation and tell her nicely but clearly what you approved and whatnot.

Don’t be afraid to call people out if they are overstepping your boundaries- you have the right to have them.

Final thoughts

The only way to have pure relationships in your life is to be honest — with yourself and others. Usually, the solution to our problem lies one open conversation away, so don’t be afraid to talk.

Have a lovely relationship with your mother-in-law!

Thank you for reading.

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