Interviews | Gentleness Ambassadors

How to Thrive as a Sensitive Writer on Medium

Interview with Aimée Gramblin — Nature Connector and Author

This article is part of an interview series, where I ask fellow sensitive healers, coaches, artists, writers, and spiritual teachers how they embody Gentleness in their businesses and personal lives. I call them Gentleness Ambassadors :)

Aimée Gramblin and I first connected through the world of Medium. I first spotted her through her friendly and helpful posts in a Facebook group for Medium writers. Then I witnessed the birth of her Medium publication — Age of Empathy and happily requested to be a writer for it. I appreciate the humor and sensitivity in her soulful writing. And I feel so touched that she reached out to connect me with her other sensitive and soulful writer friends! It’s so wonderful hanging out with other writers who actively engage and learn from each other. I’m in Medium heaven :)

I see Aimée as a leader for other sensitive writers trying to navigate overwhelm on Medium who still want to stay true to themselves.

One day, I approached to interview her as a Gentleness Ambassador, and she agreed. We met over Zoom on Sep 15, 2020, when it was a cooling night for me in Singapore and a beautiful morning for her in Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA.

More about Aimée Gramblin

I love how Aimée introduces herself:

“Middle-aged badass mama jama writer and gardener. Love nature and connecting with like-minded spirits. An introvert who loves talking with people.”

Cool eh?

Here are the key highlights of our interview that I’m so excited to share with you!

Being a writer on Medium

How did you become a writer on Medium? What got you started?

My mom had thought about blogging for years. In 2020, she decided to try WordPress and got very frustrated with it. I offered to research some easier platforms for her and set up an account for myself on Medium to try it out. That’s how I found Medium. My mom, INFJ Elder, created an account and posts now occasionally. She does find it easier than WordPress.

As I was getting familiar with the Medium platform by reading up on it, my mom did a lot of research. She found Zulie Rane on YouTube and told me about her. I started watching Zulie’s videos on YouTube and thought maybe I could make some money on Medium. It can’t be that hard! I have a writing background and have always wanted to write for a living, but I’ve never figured out how to do it.

Through my Human Design chart, I’ve learned that my best strategy is to wait to respond to what life shows me as a Manifesting Generator. That is something that I haven’t fully trusted within myself. But everything seems to be very much in alignment with Medium and writing. I’m not earning a lot, but I’m learning so much. It feels like it’s opening doors to other things.

As I’ve entered this public space of Medium — the most public space I’ve ever written in — I have learned to follow my intuition and to have empathy for other writers and myself. Medium is a huge writing platform that can be pretty harsh. Receiving criticism is part and parcel of being a public writer, and it can be tough receiving all kinds of feedback from readers and other writers.

I have a Bachelor’s and a Master’s degree in writing, and I understand the value of criticism through lots of critiquing workshops. I was also trained to give criticism diplomatically, to be as kind as possible when giving criticism. This is one of my strengths as an editor of my Medium publication — Age of Empathy. When I’m giving peer feedback, and when I’m receiving criticism as a writer, I don’t take the criticism personally.

How does the world of Medium feel harsh to you?

I need to be clear with myself about why I’m on this platform, and how it’s unlikely that I might make a lot of money here — not to count on it. Instead, I embrace the platform as a bridge, to connect with other peer writers, which is something I haven’t had since I was in school 15 years ago.

It feels very competitive, with lots of articles that lack emotion. There are so many articles on money and how to make it on Medium, describing more concrete and functional things instead of empathetic and emotional. When I find an article that combines all of these elements, I’m impressed.

I’m interested in some of these topics, but I miss the elements of sensitivity lacking in most of these articles. They feel inauthentic to me. It would be neat to read more about the concept of business through a more personal lens.

Although there are talented poets, fiction writers, and personal essayists on Medium, it’s the technology, personal development, wealth, and ambition writers who tend to make the most money. I feel a little resentful towards the successful writers who can write what Medium wants and get paid handsomely for it.

Even though that seems to be the formula for earning a good income on Medium, I don’t want to write about these things or in that style. I need to be clear with myself about why I’m on this platform and how it’s unlikely that I might make a lot of money here — not to count on it. Instead, I embrace the platform as a bridge (Aimée started to tear up a little) to connect with other peer writers, which I haven’t had since I was in school 15 years ago.

Bingz: I feel so touched by what you’ve shared here. Feeling the good goosebumps! I’m connecting with these peer writers on a more personal level than I did with my peers in college, and it’s a significant experience. I’m so thankful to have met you and the people who I’ve met through Age of Empathy, the Medium24 Facebook group, and other people I’ve stumbled on through the platform. I’ve reached out to people, and people have reached out to me, and I really thrive on connecting in that deep, soulful way.

Choosing to be publicly real and authentic is new for me. I have been scared for most of my life to be truly myself in a crowd — and now all of my articles and interactions on Medium are public and can be googled. They are all out there on the internet.

Bingz: Wow. I didn’t realize this is new for you. You are clearly authentic and honest in your writing. I truly appreciate that in you.

Healing through writing

I had a big turning point in late 2019 and Jan 2020. I resigned from my job after having an emotional breakdown and ultimately finding out that on top of generalized anxiety and bouts of depression, I have clinical OCD too. All of these life challenges got magnified in those two months. We lost our hot water for a couple of weeks, then we lost our heat, and work was really stressful — just lots of stuff that kind of sent me over the edge.

My mom came to visit and helped me get through it. My family was super supportive. I sought medical help and found my spiritual mentor — Christine. She’s on Instagram, and she runs a program called Earth Divinity School that I participated in after COVID-19 really took hold. That program helped a lot with my healing, so I shifted from my therapist to this psychic intuitive healer.

When I started to heal, take the proper medication for my OCD, and come out of my major depression, I went back to my half-written book and began finishing it. This time, I was completely honest and didn’t gloss over things like these mental health challenges, the difficult episodes in my childhood, or not having a perfect marriage.

When I got on Medium, it was my first time writing in a public space and receiving instant feedback and interaction. I finally felt strong enough in my boundaries and sense of self to be vulnerable and authentic in that space.

Bingz: That’s so beautiful! I didn’t realize that you’ve been through so much just this year!

Yes, 2020’s been a significant year for me!

When did you start to write your memoir?

I feel so harsh towards myself and others. I’ve tried to force a lot of things in my life. Writing on Medium and writing this book are the few things that I didn’t try to force and it’s magical how much they’ve blossomed.

After I had my first child in 2007, I quit writing and reading. I read some books that disturbed me, and it was like how I don’t watch the news anymore because it’s intrusive to me. I didn’t want to read anything that might be disturbing, and I didn’t want to write about my kids when they were too young to have a say in it.

From 2007 to maybe 2018, and every once in a while, I’d write something in the notes app of my phone or scribble something in a journal, but I didn’t write much. This happened straight after I went to writing school, thinking that I would be a Professor and publish a poetry book. I ended up being a stay-at-home-mom instead.

Listen to this short segment of the interview where Aimée describes how her work as a gardener helped immensely in her healing journey.

Your Gentleness approach really speaks to me.

I feel so harsh towards myself and others. I’ve tried to force a lot of things in my life. Writing on Medium and writing this book are the few things that I didn’t try to force, and it’s magical how much it’s blossomed. I finished that book pretty quickly, got my parents and other readers to revise it, and submitted it to a few book publishers.

This gentle way of following the signs and what feels good works for me.

Healing through Nature

If you could choose not to be a human and be some other insect, animal, flower, or tree, what would you be?

I’d be a dragonfly! I relate to a lot of elements of nature, but I usually feel more for animals. I have many animal guides, and I love plants, but it’s really because they attract animals.

Maia Toll has a few books that I really like, such as The Illustrated Crystallary, The Illustrated Herbiary, and The Illustrated Bestiary. These books are like oracle cards with mystical wisdom and rituals. I particularly love The Illustrated Bestiary, which contains guidance and wisdom from 36 inspiring animals.

It feels like I’ve been through various planes of existence on earth, and the dragonflies are prehistoric creatures. They’re flighty and beautiful. They are deep, soulful creatures, and I’m just really drawn to them.

I can get easily distracted, but when I step outside into the backyard, plant my feet on the ground, and look up at the sky and see birds of prey circling, I can focus. There’s something about it that just helps me to focus my thoughts and emotions about both the big picture and the focused part of the picture I’m thinking about.

I love flying creatures. I have written a whole chapter in my book about birds, butterflies, and bees. I spent a summer pretty obsessed with butterflies and learning about all the different kinds that come through our backyard. And I’ve been drawn to birds of prey and their ability to both see the big picture and also to hone in and focus on their prey.

I can get easily distracted, but when I step outside into the backyard, plant my feet on the ground, and look up at the sky and see birds of prey circling, I can focus. It’s something about it that helps me focus my thoughts and emotions about both the big picture and the focused part of the picture I’m thinking about.

I was sharing with my spiritual mentor a few months ago that I don’t feel sure about my work, my place in this world, and why I’m here on earth. Then I realized that I feel called to share and hopefully inspire others with this joy when I’m in nature.

Bingz: Wow. I’m wondering if you ever had flying dreams?

Yes, I’ve had a couple of these dreams, and I don’t remember the details, but they were cool. I’m enchanted with humans flying, so much so that I’ve been writing a novella in P.S. I Love You on Medium about a family who can fly. There are 16 parts to the series so far.

Bingz: I love this fiction series! I relate so much to flying too, and I see many people I know, including you and me, as human angels who are learning to free up their wings even more in these challenging times. I see this fiction series as a great reminder for us to follow our hearts and dreams, rekindling our sense of childlike wonder. Thank you for writing it.

Following your ambition while staying true to yourself

Bingz: Earlier on in this interview, you said that the big writers who earn a lot are usually not very empathetic, but still, you chose the other way, the more creative way to write. You also started supporting other writers, and you didn’t have to, but you still took that extra time and effort to do it. I appreciate your support so much!

It goes both ways. I’m so grateful that people have been interested in Age of Empathy, and some writers are really attuned to empathy and sensitivity. It’s really neat to open up more of a space for us.

How do you work towards making it big on Medium without sacrificing who you are as a writer?

I’m open to learning from people who are not like me, and I’m interested in learning from successful people who are more like me.

I think that all the writers who are making it big on Medium are willing to keep learning what it takes to improve their earnings. They usually didn’t start making tons of money right away. So far, I’ve been actively learning from these three writers — Zulie Rane, Sinem Günel, and Sean Kernan.

Zulie and Sinem are both really young and are making so much money already. How’s that possible? I allow myself to have a little tantrum and move on. I realize that I can learn from young people too.

Zulie writes about her cat, so I tried writing about my dog. These articles are pretty popular, though not Zulie’s level of popularity. Sinem is really smart in data analysis, and her articles are trending. Even though I don’t resonate with what she usually writes, I’ve studied her styles and methods and tried to apply them to some of my own writing.

Sean is closer to my age, and I feel that he is quite empathetic in his writing. He writes personal essays too, and he doesn’t just stick to one form of writing. He gives me the most hope that I can be successful in writing the way I do. I don’t want to trade in my creativity, empathy, sensitivity, and multiple interests to write something that I don’t resonate with.

Sean makes his living on Medium and through being a freelance writer. He’d been writing on Quora for two years when he came to Medium. He has 26,000 followers. I’ve communicated with him before, and he said he likes writing fiction but noticed in the beginning that it didn’t make a lot of money on the platform, so he quit doing that. I’m not willing to quit writing fiction. I’m trying to emulate what Sean does and fulfill my personal creative need to write fiction and poetry and connect with other writers’ works.

So many creative writers inspire me. Tracy Stengel writes amazing fiction. Connie Song, Carolyn Riker, and Jay Sizemore are wonderful poets. Poetry is my first love. My college degrees are English with poetry emphasis — I’m not willing to throw that out the window.

These are some of the things I’ve been actively doing on Medium to improve my readership and earnings:

• Publish in bigger publications with instant distribution I write fiction and poetry for P.S. I Love You. One of my most popular poems, “Women Like Us,” appears there — it even went trending one day! I have heard writers say flash fiction in the 800–1000 word range does well for them, so I try to do the same. Fiction is hard to write, and it’s not a popular genre on the platform. But there are fiction writers and readers there. We need to support each other more.
• Create my publication and be a co-editor for other publications I created my own publication, but editors and publication owners don’t get paid. Writers give and receive in other ways. Shanna Loga and Melissa Bee co-edit with me, and we have a really supportive writing relationship. Co-editing or starting a publication is kind of like taking a fast course for learning about the platform. As we practice editing other writer’s work, we learn what doesn’t work and what works and then apply it to our own writing.
• Learn from other editors I co-edit for Genius in a Bottle and MuddyUm. Jay Squires, Victor Sarkin, and Susan Brearley are all wonderful mentors. As co-editors, we all learn from each other, too. My followers usually find me from either my profile page or from being an editor at a publication. I believe that you do require a large following to make a good income over the long-term.
• Focus on engaging with readers I prioritize interacting with people who leave comments, but I don’t make myself do it right away. On days when I may not publish anything, I dedicate more time to answering comments. Because they are categorized as stories, it seems to help the algorithm pick up your name even on a day when you’re not publishing anything.
• Be clear on what I don’t want to write about I see successful writers who post spiller stories or stories about sex. I’m not willing to do that. Navigating Medium has helped me hone on what I love writing about and where my boundaries are.

I’m still not seeing huge earnings. My biggest month was Aug 2020, and I made $90. (Aimée joined the $100 club in Sep 2020). My top-earning articles are in the $6-$18/article range. Many top writers say to “niche down” to increase earnings, but it’s not aligned with what I want to write about. Since April 2020, I’ve gotten 1,300 followers. Even though my earnings aren’t high (yet), I feel like I’m connecting with many readers.

I’ve gotten Top Writer in different categories, such as Poetry, Fiction, Food, Satire, and Parenting. I know there are arguments about whether or not that status even means anything, but I woke up this morning to my first Top Writer in Poetry, which was a huge win because it helps affirm I’m on the right track.

Taking care of your sensitivity

How do you market yourself as a writer without getting drained, distracted, or overwhelmed?

It’s been a process. Here are some of the tips that have worked for me:

• Flow-writing I’m learning from my mentors about flow-writing and sitting down and writing the whole piece without doing something else.
• Setting a timer I’ve found timers are an invaluable tool. They help me focus. They let my kids know I’m working — and that there’s an end in sight when they will have my attention again. It seems the most gentle method that has worked for focusing.
• Set a fixed time slot for marketing and responding When I’m marketing my work and responding to comments, I give myself a time or number limit. For example, 30 minutes on Facebook and then turn it off or five comments on Medium and then turn it off.
• Dedicate time to reading other articles on Medium I dedicate time to reading on the platform as I think this is key to achieving success — and there are great writers on the platform, but it takes some searching to find them. I pay my $5 per month. I think that’s a good-faith thing for writers to do since it’s how we are paid.
• Notice signs of burnout and re-center yourself I recently found myself burning out and feeling obligated to respond immediately to Medium-related Facebook messages, private notes on my publication, and comments in general. That was a sign to take a social media break. I took the day off and re-centered. That was a good choice.
• Remove sources of negativity. I joined many Facebook groups in the beginning. I’ve left most of them as they took away my writing focus and fed into a lot of gossip and complaining.
• Grow gently and gradually As a sensitive person, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. I didn’t want to grow Age of Empathy, or its Facebook or Twitter accounts too quickly. I asked Shanna to co-edit when I reached around 100 followers. This was good preventative care not to overwhelm me and continue to be a reliable publication for readers and writers.
• Find a way to make this work for you I process intuitively, so it is weird to be intuitive on a platform that doesn’t feel intuitive. When I first started, I didn’t understand so many things and had to research to learn. I feel like I’ve carved out a space where it works for me, and that feels really good. Finding a way to make it work with my intuitive nature feels like such a big win.

Do you have any final message to share with other sensitive and soulful writers?

Being sensitive is a gift.

I encourage you to embrace your sensitivity and create boundaries that preserve your sense of self and creativity while you’re writing on a platform like Medium. We need more sensitive, empathic, and emotionally intelligent people like you to share your authentic voice and wisdom. And I thank you for taking the risk to do that.

Closing notes

Thank you, Aimée, for being a leader for us sensitive writers. It’s healing to witness your healing journey by connecting with nature and building your dream career as a writer, and learning how you continue to grow as a writer while honoring your unique identity and sensitivity.

If you’ve enjoyed learning from Aimée through this interview, do connect with her through her Medium account, Twitter account, Instagram account, and Facebook group.