How to Tell If You Would Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Summary

The article reflects on the ethical and practical considerations of resource allocation during crises, using the COVID-19 vaccine distribution and a hypothetical zombie apocalypse as analogies.

Abstract

The author draws a parallel between the distribution of COVID-19 vaccines and survival strategies in a zombie apocalypse scenario. They recount an encounter with a friend who obtained a vaccine through connections, despite not being in a high-priority group. This prompts a thought experiment about how individuals might act when resources are scarce and survival is at stake. The article questions the fairness of access to limited resources, suggesting that wealth and social connections often provide advantages, even in life-or-death situations. It also ponders whether one would prioritize the well-being of loved ones or leverage resources for personal gain in a crisis.

Opinions

The author implies that the current vaccine distribution system may be flawed, allowing those with wealth and connections to bypass established guidelines.
There is a critical view of society's tendency to favor the wealthy and well-connected, especially in times of scarcity or crisis.
The article suggests that in a crisis, people might prioritize their own interests and those of their loved ones over the common good or established rules.
The author seems to empathize with the frustration of those following the rules while others exploit their privilege to gain early access to vaccines.
The narrative hints at a level of resignation or acceptance that the ethical distribution of resources is often compromised by human nature and societal inequalities.

A Los Angeles Covid-19 vaccination analysis

I walked six feet from my friend in a park while wearing two masks. I turned my head to take a sip through my brought-from-home straw in my Lysol-wiped iced latte. He took off his mask completely.

“Don’t worry, boo. I’ve already gotten both vaccines,” he said.

Wait. Whaaaattt? I looked at the clearly healthy not-quite-middle-aged man whose manicured hands had nothing to do with essential work or healthcare.

“How did you get it?” I asked.

“I know some people,” he winked. I noticed that he had also recently redone his Botox. That wink brought about only a slight shading on the corners of his Malibu Ken-tanned face.

At first, my blood boiled. People need that vaccine, I thought. Wannabe-actor-‘roidmeister-perfect-specimen-of-health over here definitely did not. But then, I realized — this is exactly the way it would go in a zombie apocalypse.

Think about it. Let’s say there are only four people in your city with underground unbreachable bunkers stocked with food and water. Let’s say you are one of those proud bunker owners. Would you search high and low for the least likely to survive the apocalypse or would you round up your nearest and dearest and get them underground?

Or, would you choose to use your bunker to pad your wallet by offering shelter to the highest bidder (you’d better take only cash and jewelry because your ATM will be First National Bank of the Walking Dead)? Would you use your precious fortification against the flesh-hungry mob to collect some capital or would you disclose your asset to the government and let them use it for their troops?

Now, before I go on, I am NOT making a statement on what one should do. My bougie concierge doctor is currently wrapped up in a lawsuit for illegal vaccine distribution in San Francisco, so they’re fresh out of favors. I’m just saying that this is not completely unlike what would happen during the potential decimation of our earth by an army of the undead.

When something is valuable and in short supply, people find ways to get it whether they’re supposed to or not. And the sad thing about our society is that the wealthy and well-connected (like my friend Malibu Ken) get first dibs. Rules be damned, I guarantee you that all of those folks at the Golden Globes without preexisting conditions have long ago been vaccinated. Along with their families, their friends, and probably their agents.

Sure, there are some rule-abiding citizens who have kindly waited for their turn in line (myself included), but when the monsters break through the windows of the store, I will be waiting for my credit card to finish processing while other folks will steal their goods and be significantly more likely to survive.

Maybe it’s just where I live. Maybe everyone else is abiding by the order set forth by our rule-makers. Maybe, in other parts of the world, there aren’t people who think they’re better than other people, that they deserve to jump the line. However, I’m guessing that’s not the case.

Will you survive a zombie apocalypse? Well, if you have figured out a way that you could get yourself a vaccine, if you have a network of people who would be willing to open their bunkers for you, whether you choose to take advantage of it or not, then you might have a chance.