Learning To Take The Sting Out Of Your Rejections

We love a success story, don’t we? A hero, a journey, a battle through adversity and on to something extraordinary. We watch or read and feel good; maybe there’s hope for us too, perhaps we can do it.

Tremendous. Feeling good, pumped and primed and then, a rejection comes through and splatters an airborne package of doubt all over it.

Rejection fear sets in.

Maybe we won’t make it

Perhaps it’s too hard

Monsieur X didn’t talk about rejection in his story.

And fair enough for Monsieur X, after you’ve gone the extra mile to make a success of something you don’t want to spend too much time looking back.

Maybe it’s a job or an article, or it could be a date request or an invitation, whatever, your counterpart person or organisation has said no to you.

Access denied.

The sting can last awhile, depending on the value that your heart had placed on being accepted. I’m pretty elastic in that department, but it has taken some training and some periods of doom and dread, but in the end, I get back up again. Things fade, you move on, something exciting happens, you push yourself further, but the quicker you get out of that rejection gloom, the better.

And no matter how much I tell myself that rejection is good for a writer’s constitution and Rome wasn’t built in a day and that it’s indicative of my extra-terrestrial learning curve, I would of course always prefer not to be rejected.

That said, there is always something to be taken from rejection and if this sounds condescending let me tell you that my latest rejection came in about 40 minutes ago. Because I don’t waste hours or days dwelling over it I have applied question 1 below to my situation.

Here are a list of questions you can pose to yourself to stop the inertia that can set in if you dwell on it for too long

1. Is there something you can learn from the rejection?

Some of my best pieces of work have been spurred on by constructive feedback in rejection. You have a choice here to focus on the fact that you’ve been rejected or get busy with any input that you’ve received. One mindset will see you racing off into the future with a plan and a focus; the other will have you turning bitter and crying into your hanky.

The Austin Film Festival Screenplay Competition give all entrants a line of feedback which is unusual for a competition, especially one of that standing. Rejection both times that I entered, but for each one, I received valuable feedback; more valuable than other competitions where I have placed.

Your rejection is now out of your control, but if you can learn, you can grow stronger and wiser.

2. Did you give it your very best?

Probably less relevant in date land but for all other rejections, it could be tempting to brush off rejection saying that you weren’t interested anyway.

But if you do this every time you get rejected, you won’t grow and might start to drift off from something you love because you’re out of the habit of allowing yourself to give it all. Ask yourself’ did I give this my best shot,’ which requires some objective introspection because being too lax or too critical won’t give you the right results.

How do you know if you’ve given it your best? Ask yourself, you don’t have to tell the world, but you need to know what your best is if you’re going to improve on it.

I would be lying to say that I gave my best all the time, but when it bites me in the form of rejection, I’m a bit wiser and willing to improve my best the next time, whether it’s another edit, maybe another hour spent on a case study. Etc.

And I always feel better knowing that I have put in more effort, rather than feeling like I’ve let myself down with a substandard effort.

3. What else have you got going on?

Action is the best remedy. What else can I get stuck into that will distract me from this rejection. What new piece of work or writing can capture my energy so entirely that I’ll soon, or have already forgotten the knock-back?

Who has time to be bitter when they’ve got new ideas to explore? If you find yourself lingering over a particular rejection get on with improving it or move onto something else.

4. Can You Objectively Analyse the Rejection?

Can you take a higher view and see it from the perspective of the rejecting party? Maybe you have accidentally submitted your horror script to a production company that specialises in children’s YouTube programs? Or worse, have you purposefully done this thinking that you know better than the requirements?

Did you apply for a job that is asking for five years of experience when you have six months? It’s okay, we’ve all been there, but you can’t spend too much time licking your wounds if you’re not a suitable candidate.

I’m not ready to share some of the ridiculous queries or submissions that I sent out in the very early days of writing. Suffice to say that I’ve deserved most of my rejections along the way and where I haven’t I’ve forgotten all about them.

Accept that you’re not a right fit for everyone, find your zone and your tribe and get better.

5. Have you become comfortable or complacent?

This is so easily done, especially with blogging. Something you wrote worked once, and your next blog is a lazy replication of what has come before. I’m speaking on behalf of myself here.

When your complacency is leading to rejection again, you’ve got no right to complain. Stand up straight and fix it. I fall down this hole all of the time and have to give myself a telling off and the next time I am inclined to be lazy I fix it.

6. Was this your very last chance ever?

When talking about jobs or writing, I’m sure the answer is no.

Even if it feels like this for a day, wallowing in it will not only make you feel like crap but also prevent you from finding a new opportunity to scoop up.

I hope this has cheered you up. If not, feel free to tell me to f-off, but as someone who has become pretty cosy with rejection during the first half of my writing career, I want to tell you that there’s always something to be done.

Just keep on moving

And next time you get a rejection, please remember to probe yourself with a few questions to get back on your feet as quickly as possible.

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