How to Survive Living With a Writer
5 tips guaranteed to make life easier
If you’ve read our book you know it’s written in dual perspective with alternating chapters from me and hubby. With that in mind, I thought you might enjoy reading a timeless post he wrote a while back.
With that said: I introduce a very special guest writer/husband, Sandy Palmer.
Obviously, I did not choose the topic.
Again, keep in mind this was written years ago.
How to Live with a Writer
As long as I can remember, I have loved reading. Still do, whether it be magazines (read cover to cover), the daily newspaper, or a good book.
But writing?
I suck at it!
Any class I’ve taken involving writing, was painful and book reports, unless given orally, received unremarkable grades. I’ve never been partial to one type of book. I enjoy novels, sci-fi, thrillers, mysteries, etc. Likewise, I’ve never had a favorite author, at least not until I met Deb. When we met, 35 years ago, she was finishing her college degree in Communication/Print Journalism. From the start, I enjoyed everything she wrote (excluding reminder to-do lists). Deb had a way with words, capturing what was pertinent, what needed to be said and what did not.
Early on Deb was writing for the college newspaper, specifically, human interest feature articles. Post college, while working for a non-profit organization, she launched a newsletter, convincing the agency they needed a public relations officer. Soon after, we hung a shingle on our house, “Palmer Business Communications,” where she freelanced for other agencies, wrote a column for our local newspaper, and cranked out resumes that pretty much guaranteed you an interview. After several years of writing for other people, she burned out, gave up writing, and spent the next twenty years concentrating on the antiquities business.
I hated that she quit writing but I knew how unhappy she had become. I believed her passion to write would come back after taking a break. And, I was right. It took 20 years but the writing bug came back with a vengeance, like a dormant serial killer destined to strike again.
Writing consumed her time. Not just the physical part of writing, but thinking about writing, planning writing, editing writing, proofreading writing, rewriting writing, publishing and marketing planning, and so forth.
Did I mention that I am not a writer?
Without giving formal or informal consent, I have been involved with Deb’s writing from the get-go. Once, shortly after she’d quit smoking, and was dangerous to be around when stressed, I finished the last paragraph of her newspaper column. You might be thinking I could have said no. Okay, yet you did not see the evil look nor sense the intense threat to my life.
In the past several years, since Deb came back to her writing, she has written two books and maintains a blog. Both of the books are great, and I look forward to them being published. The first one, a collection of short stories, based on the beatitudes, is very entertaining, laced with much humor and a big yellow dog. By the time it was finished, Deb hated it, placing it on the back burner.
The second book was recently finished in rough draft form, and Deb is once again disliking it. She’s nuts! Three chapters from this book have been posted on her blog, with rave reviews. I know something big will come of Deb’s writing if she doesn’t give up.
Did I mention that I am not a writer?
Deb thinks I am. I am not an editor. Deb thinks I am. I am not a proofreader. Deb thinks I am. I am not a writer, but I will continue to be whatever Deb needs me to be, mainly her #1 supporter.
If you, like me, live with a writer; my heartfelt condolences. Below I offer advice on how to survive.
Here are the 5 tips that I’ve learned the hard way.
Tip One: Be Willing to Listen — NOW!
If said, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) writer approaches with a chapter, a paragraph, a sentence, a word, or a writing-related idea, respond as if they’re holding a ticking bomb. Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is more important (refer to the title image above).
It doesn’t matter if you’ve drank three cups of coffee and are sprinting to the bathroom finish line — Stop! Listen! Wet clothing can be changed but, for a writer needing feedback, words may expire or combust.
Tip Two: No Faking
Let’s say the writer is reading a section to you that you really don’t understand, or even like. Whatever you do, don’t plaster a grin on and say “I like it,” or it’s nice. I’ve come to believe writers have a special type of Extra Sensory Perception when it comes to this. Be sincere, but tread lightly. Honesty is your only way out, but proceed with caution.
Tip Three: React to the Writing
I know this sounds silly, but it is for the best. Trust me. Practice your facial responses in the mirror. Learn to multiply your normal reaction by three. If your response is “uh huh,” or “yeah, I like it,” multiply by ten. Listen for humor and laugh as if you’re a drunk needing to be heard over the entire bar. And be prepared for lengthy discussions on cover content, storyline, word choice, mood, emotions evoked, etc.
Tip Four: Repeat Yourself and Repeat Yourself
OCD writers are either hard of hearing or attention deficit when it comes to their work. Here is a typical conversation.
Me: That is really powerful. It’s great.
OCD Writer: You like it?
Me: Yes
OCD Writer: Why do you like it?
Me: Because I think it is powerful?
And don’t be surprised or lose patience when later they ask:
Did you really like it?
Followed by —
Do you think anyone else will like it?
Tip Five: Take Away the Club
OCD writers beat themselves up. They need help to stop. Exchange the self-abating Billy club with the real source of power — God. When all else fails, I ask her one question:
Have you asked for God’s help?
With a divine light bulb above her head, she calms, thanking me for tipping her face toward heaven.
I hope you liked hubby’s advice on how to live with a writer. I know most of you are writers like me but maybe your partner can relate? Personally, I don’t know what he’s fussing about ;).
Tagging some of my favorite supporters and writers.
Michele Maize, Scot Butwell, Don Drewniak, Joe Merkle, Toni the Talker, Dawn Ulmer, Julie KingGood, Nour Boustani, Pamela Oglesby, Elizabeth Emerald, Annelise Lords, Susan Wheelock, Douglas Lim, Shirley Laffa, Natalie, Annie Trevaskis, Hollie Petit, Ph.D., Grace Bianco, Lori Wangler, Bett Harris, Lu Skerdoo, Keeley Schroder, Trisha Faye
Check out our book about God’s love for a couple of looney-tune drunks.
