How to Survive a Terrible Loss
It may be the beginning of something better
I’ll never forget the rush of emotions I felt when I was told by HR that as of 5:00 pm I would no longer be employed by my present company. I was shocked — honestly, I had not had an inkling that this was coming. I was embarrassed for a split second — conscientious has been an adjective applied to me since the first grade — I don’t “lose” jobs! But then, a huge wave of relief flooded over me. I had been scheming and planning for months about leaving, this opportunity was the universe throwing me a lifeline — complete with a severance package and unemployment!
That’s not to say the next steps were easy and I didn’t have days where I was tempted to give in to lethargy and self-doubt. I persevered and stuck to the vision I created for my life.
Whatever your circumstances surrounding job loss, you can choose to see it as a chance to start over, a gift of time, and an opportunity to try something new. I survived and you can too if you put some strategic steps in place.
Put a moratorium on talking about your loss and move on
I was part of a downsizing initiative so several of my close colleagues also were let go on the same day. Of course, we were all on the phone that day talking it through. It came as a shock for several reasons and it helped to commiserate with one another.
At the end of the first day, I was exhausted from all the conversation. I realized that if I continued these discussions it would deplete my energy and move me into a negative space. This lay off, for me, was a good thing and I wanted to capitalize on it and move forward.
You will need to talk with someone who understands what you are going through and process what happened, especially if there was no warning or time to prepare. Being caught off guard can be quite a shock so take some time to talk it through, but then move on quickly so you don’t get sucked into a spiral of negativity and self-pity.
Take some time to practice self-care and take inventory
You will be tempted to hit the ground running to find a new job asap. It’s disconcerting to go from 60 to 0 in one minute and you’ll probably experience some panic, anxiety, or dread. But slow down and take some time to inventory your life. Look at the first week or two as an unexpected vacation. Use this time to your advantage.
You’ve got some backup support so you can pause for a few days or weeks to reassess your life. File for unemployment, sign your release papers so you can collect severance pay, and make sure you get paid out for any unused vacation or personal days. Then take a look at your finances to see where you may need to cut back or make some temporary changes.
This might be the perfect time to start that workout routine you’ve been putting off. Establish new habits that you can carry with you when you land your next job. Sleep in a little and get back to healthy meals. Catch up with long lost friends at a coffee shop(this also serves as networking!).
This is the time to catch up on all those things you haven’t had time for. Clean up your desk, declutter your home, sign up for those online courses, or take up that hobby you’ve been saving for “someday.” Read the books that have piled up next to your bed, train your dog, etc. Look at this time as a gift to catch up on your life and let your heart catch up with you.
Avoid negativity
It might be easy to get on Facebook and bemoan your situation — short term gain from some cheap sympathy — but in the long run, this will only exacerbate the situation. What we focus on grows. If you want to remain unemployed continue to focus on the fact that you are unemployed, continue to complain and seek out others in the same boat. But if you want to find your next dream job, begin to focus on what that is going to feel like and practice going through interviews. Talk with successful people. Stay positive and focused and don’t let others drag you into their misery.
Don’t get discouraged that your job hunt is taking some time. I learned that for every $10,000 you earn, it can equate to one month of job searching. If you are in the $80-$100,000 brackets, plan on up 8–10 months before landing your next dream job. That’s a guideline to help you see that your strategies need to be in place for long-term job hunting and to encourage you to not get weary when you don't land a job right away. The average time is somewhere around five months.
Don’t look at losing your job as a defeat; see it as an opportunity.
Get LinkedIn and your resume up to date
I was fortunate, that as part of my severance package, I received a 90-day membership to an employment coaching company. I attended webinars on how to manage my finances, coaching on setting up LinkedIn and received help to polish my resume.
There are many free resources too. Look at your local library for networking groups. Search on Facebook or the Nextdoor app for groups and resources near you. You can sign up for LinkedIn’s Premium service for a free trial period. Check out blogs and websites for resume and cover letter templates.
Start networking right away
One thing I learned from the webinars I attended is that most people who land a new job do so through networking. Networking is just a fancy word for putting yourself out there and connecting with others. You can attend local networking events in your city or you can send a friendly message through LinkedIn or email to a former colleague letting them know you are back on the market. It’s not bugging people — they may be searching for someone with your experience and skillset but may be unaware that you are available.
I sent a former colleague a quick note on LinkedIn and was immediately offered a position on her contract team. This fits perfectly with my plan to not dive back into full-time employment and to start working as an independent contractor. I’ve been given steady work with that company since.
Use this time to reinvent yourself, start over, or pursue a dream
Did you like your former job? Was it too stressful or boring or not challenging enough? Would you like to try a different position in your field? Would a few classes or a new certificate provide you an opportunity in a different field? How can you leverage the skills and experience you’ve accumulated to transition to a different line of work? Can you shoot for the next level — maybe you were a manager but you know you can qualify for a director position?
What about setting out on your own? If you’ve amassed decades of experience in your line of work, could you start your own consulting business or become an independent contractor for a few companies? Is this the time to go back to school and start a new career? What is that dream you’ve been putting off? Maybe this is your gift from the universe. What are you withholding from the world?
The day that I lost my job I knew I was receiving a gift, a golden opportunity to reestablish my life based on what was important to me. I had spent too much time pursuing something that wasn’t my true calling and didn't fulfill me. I took a lot of deep breaths and surrounded myself with affirmations and inspirational quotes to keep me from looking back, then I plunged forward setting my sights on writing and working for myself.
It was uncomfortable for a while but I survived and you can too! Don’t look at losing your job as a defeat; see it as an opportunity. Keep your options open and seek out those who will keep you encouraged. Avoid negativity at all costs — you will have down days so stay away from anything that will make you feel worse. Set goals, be clear on where you are going next, and most of all, trust yourself. You know you better than anyone else.
It’s been three years since the day I lost my job. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me for many reasons. Sending positive thoughts your way that your transition will be as fruitful as mine has been.
