How to support great causes without begging for donations
Enough is enough
No, I’m not giving you my money. Please stop asking.
You’re not my mum or my dog so you can assume I forgot your birthday. I wasn’t going to buy you a present, so why would I donate to a cause I don’t care about?
You were going to walk/run/ride/skip/drink water/breathe every day anyway, why would I sponsor you to do that every day for a month, just to be bombarded with unwanted updates on your progress? Nobody other than you cares, and I’m pretty sure you’re just doing it to show off.
I detest trivia with a loathing that is probably pathological so if you want to offend me yes, please invite me to your charity trivia night. I’ll know to remove you from my close friends list.
Social media fundraisers are out of control. Everybody has a cause.
I love that you are passionate about something meaningful to you — but if I think the thing that’s meaningful to you is making people believe you’re a good person then no. No way.
Displaying a public record of donations, as many websites now do, encourages competition and a sense of shame. How much is enough? Who donated? Who hasn’t? Who is the BEST AND MOST GENEROUS PERSON?
Enough.
I have my causes too. It’s probably no surprise to you if you’ve read my writing that mental illness prevention and women’s issues are causes I’m interested in. There are others as well. These are topics I know a lot about and I’ve either worked with the organisations I support and seen first hand the value they provide, or I’ve researched them thoroughly and know where my money is going.
Surely this is a personal decision, isn’t it? The causes I support, whether publicly or privately, are my choice. I refuse to be pressured into helping you feel virtuous.
Every rule has an exception
Yes, sometimes I will support a friend’s cause.
A friend introduced themselves to the world by their true name and gender. Not long afterwards they posted a fundraiser for an organisation that provides support to people who are going through similar journeys to them. They highlighted how expensive and complex the associated legal and government processes can be, and how they wanted to support others who did not have the financial privilege and stability they did.
I gave as much as I could to that fundraiser.
It was such an important, personal story about an issue I had not been consciously aware of, and the money went directly towards paying for supports that make a real difference to people who just want to live as themselves.
Getting it right
Let’s both maintain our sense of control and dignity
Last birthday, a friend said to me that instead of giving birthday presents to friends that year, they had decided to donate an undisclosed amount to a cause that their friend identified as important to them. They asked me where I would like them to make the donation for my birthday and I gave them the name of a reputable mental health crisis organisation that does excellent work.
This approach enabled my friend to choose the amount they wanted to spend, and nobody knew how much they had given — not even me. It felt far more personal to me, and allowed them to stay in control.
In the end I’m just going to
- Stick with giving to a few causes that mean something to me
- Ignore the continual barrage of requests for money on my socials no matter who gets offended
- Loathe anyone who dares to invite me to a trivia night
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