How to Successfully Raise a Black Boy and Worry Less

Five tips you need to know

Rayshard Brooks failed a sobriety test, struggled with the police officer, and was killed at a Wendy’s drive-thru on Friday in Atlanta.

George Floyd was killed a few weeks ago by a police officer with his knee on his neck for over eight minutes as other police officers stood by.

In 2014, Michael Brown was shot six times by a police officer as Brown raised his hands giving up in Ferguson, Missouri.

Rodney King was beaten by Los Angeles police in 1992 and afterward said, “Can’t we all get along?”

This beating created riots throughout Los Angeles similar to events we are seeing today.

Almost 20 years later, not much has changed.

Some will argue that white Americans are killed at a higher number but the percentage is skewed when you look closely.

Black Americans are not the highest number of those killed by police but the percentage is twice as high in comparison since African Americans make up less than 13% of the population.

You can make numbers say what you want them to say since it’s easy to add or omit the key parts of them.

How to Raise a Black Son

You won’t hear about this in school.

You won’t hear about this on TV or the internet.

You’ll only hear about the struggle black boys and men have today.

You see, I have a black son. He’s a teenager but if you look at him, you would think he’s a junior or senior in high school, but he’s not. He’s younger than that and had a growth spurt so he looks older. He’ll easily reach 6 feet in a year or so.

Because of how young he is, I have to have these discussions on what to do and not do in society.

1. How to Dress

He wants to wear gym shorts and a t-shirt to school but as you know, appearances are everything.

People make their first impression the very minute they see you regardless if you may be the smartest person in the room.

How a person dresses says a lot about them.

So, I say to my son, “You need to wear a polo shirt if you’re not wearing a school shirt.” My son also plays football so he will likely wear his jersey or a school shirt some days.

Appearances say a lot and these days we tend to judge someone on how they look and dress.

He needs to look decent when he goes to school and not like a bum.

2. How to Not Stand Out Like a Sore Thumb

My son wants to dye his hair blonde.

A lot of black athletes are doing it so he thinks he can be like them.

To my knowledge, no black kid in his high school has their hair dyed blonde.

The entire football team did that last year which I can understand. They are trying to build camaraderie.

But just to dye your hair blonde because you feel like it is not the answer. He will stand out like a sore thumb.

How many black people do you see every day with their hair dyed blonde?

Probably few to none.

This is the time he needs to fit in as much as possible.

The school is very diverse and even as a black student, he will still stand out a lot. So I encourage him to fit in as much as possible.

3. Study Hard

My son does very well in school.

He’s an A/B student.

If he pushed himself, he could get more (if not all) A’s. Naturally, he does very well in school but like most kids, he doesn’t like to study.

I don’t pressure him to get all A’s.

Sure, getting all A’s can help him get into a better college, but I don’t want him to lose focus and kill himself trying to get all A’s that in a few years won’t mean anything.

I do get on him to at least maintain a B average since he received a C or D on some quizzes.

Then it comes down to time management.

He will not hesitate to spend hours playing Madden football or Spiderman. But when it comes to studying, he’ll spend the least amount of time doing this.

It’s all about prioritizing which is what I try to get him to focus on.

A little extra time studying before a quiz will pay off.

Also, colleges look for well-rounded applicants.

He may be great at football but having good grades will help get a scholarship or two.

4. Know Your Manners

This speaks for itself.

Kids today are so stuck playing their video game that manners or saying anything is at the bottom of the list.

I focus hard to get my son to thank others for gifts he receives or to talk to his friends’ parents when he sees them.

Parents don’t expect anything but they recognize when kids say something to them.

Kids need to learn basic manners which will go a long way in life.

5. Talk to Your Teachers

A few times, my son struggled with something on his homework.

With technology these days, teachers are open to receiving an email from their students on any problem they’re having.

Instead of venting about how he couldn’t figure something out, I would tell him to email his teacher.

His teacher normally responded back within 30 minutes or so.

I have spoken to his teachers during teacher-parent conferences a few times. His teachers are always open to receiving questions from their students.

When I was growing up, we didn’t have this luxury.

“To know, is to know that you know nothing. That is the meaning of true knowledge.” — Socrates

We would have to wait until the next day for the teacher to go over a problem and explain it to the entire class.

Technology is really helping kids today.

Society is Slow to Change

Sometimes you have to do anything you can to help prepare your kids for the future. We can’t rely on teachers to solve every problem our kids face every day. Parents need to help as well.

This doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out discussion.

Talk to your kids a few minutes a day to see how their day is going or if they are having any problems at school.

Keeping that communication open is important.

Here are some other articles you should check out:

What tips do you teach your kids?

Tom Handy is a top Investment and Bitcoin writer on Medium, and the father of two kids. He retired from the Army and sits on several non-profit boards. Tom is the top Yelper in his community and a top Google Guide. He’s on several social media channels and you can find him on Twitter @tomhandy1 and Instagram @tomhandy1.