How to Succeed in a Selfish Workplace

“It’s a fascinating paradox: helping others can sink your career or accelerate it.” — Adam Grant

Dad always said it’s a dog-eat-dog world.

I was so confused.

I’d never seen a dog eat another dog in my entire life.

As I grew older, I experienced different workplaces. I hated office politics. I saw jealous colleagues destroying the careers of their teammates. I saw people taking credit for others’ work, and advancing because of it.

Maybe dad was right.

But something didn’t make sense. All the high-performers that achieved long-term success shared the same values as me: humility, mindfulness, and a collaborative spirit.

Why did my daily reality not match what I knew was true?

I felt like a doormat. I wanted to give more and help others, but I was exploited or punished for not hitting my metrics. If I helped someone else, wouldn’t it take time and energy away from my own projects?

The incentives were all wrong.

I enjoyed the work, but I suffocated from office politics. Toxic work environments can destroy even the best sounding jobs, financial benefits, and work perks.

I was caught in a downward spiral.

The more helpful I was, the more my performance suffered. I never had time to finish my own work, so I was constantly under-performing.

I looked around at those who bragged about themselves at every opportunity. Maybe being selfish really was the way to succeed. People behaved selfishly because it’s a winning career strategy, right?

I felt increasingly unsatisfied, unhappy, and unappreciated.

Psychologist and Wharton professor Adam Grant opened my eyes. He explains how to achieve professional success and job satisfaction in his paper Work and the Art of Motivation Maintenance.

Across industries and cultures, Grant found that people have similar motivations when interacting with others. They can be sorted into three groups:

Takers “Self-serving: their goal is to get as much as possible from others while contributing little in return.”

Matchers “People who aim to keep a fair, even balance of giving and taking. Most people are matchers at work: when they do a favor, they expect an equal one back, and when they receive a favor, they feel like they’re in debt until they’ve settled the score.”

Givers “Other-oriented: they enjoy giving more than they get, and helping others without strings attached.”

— Adam Grant

Which group succeeds at work?

How can you apply these insights into your own life?

The answers shocked me. I’m sure they’ll surprise you.

The Joy of Giving

“It turns out that there’s a big difference between knowing that your work helps others and seeing the impact on a living, breathing human being.

When we interact directly with the people who benefit from our work, we develop a stronger conviction that our work matters and is valued and appreciated, and we become committed to working harder, smarter, longer, and productively on behalf of the people we’re trying to help.”

— Adam Grant

Humans are a social species.

Grant points out the importance of human interaction and relationships at work. It’s easy to feel like a replaceable cog in a capitalist machine.

Think less about your job, and more about the people you serve.

Focus on the people who benefit from your work and every day becomes more meaningful and enjoyable. You will build a positive feedback loop that manifests in better results and higher rates of personal satisfaction.

Adam Grant’s research showed that salespeople averaged 68% higher sales revenue when they focused on their customers’ interests rather than their own.

By treating customers as real human beings rather than nameless prospects or sales targets, successful salespeople built trust, understood their customers’ tailored needs, and generated more repeat business and referrals.

“We found similar effects with fundraisers and lifeguards: highlighting the personal benefits of the job did no good.

They only became more motivated when they saw how their work benefited others. “

— Adam Grant

Seeing how your work helps others is the key to job satisfaction.

But what has this got to do with takers, matchers, and givers?

Losers at Work: (Selfless) Givers

“The givers sank to the bottom.

In engineering, the lowest productivity belonged to the engineers who were rated by their colleagues as doing more favors than they received in return. They were so busy helping others that they ran out of time and energy to get their own work done.

In medicine, the lowest grades belonged to the students who agreed most strongly with statementslike “I love helping others.”

In sales, the lowest revenue was attained by the salespeople who reported dedicating the most time and energy to helping their colleagues and customers.”

— Adam Grant

Maybe it’s you.

You’re suffering from burnout because you spend so much energy looking after others that you don’t take care of yourself. You helped your teammates achieve their goals. Now you have no time or energy left to complete your own.

There’s no easy way to say it — selfless givers are the worst performers.

This is terrible news for organizations because studies show that organizations full of givers are actually better off.

“In one comprehensive analysis of more than 3,600 business units, for example, the more frequently employees helped each other, the better those units did in terms of profits, customer satisfaction, employee retention, and operating expenses.”

— Podsakoff et al., 2009

So where’s the disconnect?

How can givers do so poorly at work, while giving-oriented organizations dominate their industries?

The answer lies in the other groups.

Middle of the Pack: Takers and Matchers

“So if givers are the worst performers, who are the best performers?

When I analyzed the data, it wasn’t the takers. They were too self-serving, and their colleagues penalized them for it — especially the matchers.

If you’re a matcher, you believe in a just world, and you can’t stand to see people get away with acting selfishly. When you encounter a taker, you might feel that it’s your mission in life to punish that person (Feinberg et al., 2012).”

— Adam Grant

Takers and matchers balance each other out.

Most people are matchers. They act as an organization’s auto-immune system against takers trying to dominate the workplace.

Takers never win in the long-run. Matchers will hunt them down.

Matching seems like the safest strategy — Put your head down, focus on your work. Help others when they help you. Stand up for what’s right when you see injustice. It sounds reciprocal and fair.

But as a matcher, you will be average at best.

You won’t suffer or burnout like a selfless giver, but you won’t stand out either.

“Most people expect that the matchers are the best performers, but the data showed that it wasn’t the matchers either.”

— Adam Grant

Workplace Winners: (Otherish) Givers

“When I looked at who attained the highest performance, it was the givers again. They were more likely to finish last, but they were also more likely to finish first.

The most productive engineers were the ones who did more favors than they received in return. Somehow, they managed to balance helping others with doing their own work efficiently and effectively.

The matchers who traded favors evenly — and the takers who got more favors than they gave — didn’t have terrible results, but they rarely had extraordinary results.”

— Adam Grant

Wait a second.

How can givers be both the winners and the losers?

Grant reveals that there are actually two types of givers:

Selfless givers

“They tend to be self-sacrificing: they make the mistake of helping all of the people all of the time with all of the requests. This makes them vulnerable to burnout and to being exploited by takers.”

“Otherish” givers.

“They strive to integrate their own ambitions with their desires to help others. They put others first often, and help without the expectation of reciprocity, but they keep their own interests in the rearview mirror.

This means being more cautious when dealing with takers and blocking out time in their calendars to get their own work done.

It also involves becoming specialists rather than generalists when it comes to giving: helping in one or two key ways that align with one’s interests and unique expertise, so that giving is more likely to be energizing and efficient than exhausting and distracting.”

— Adam Grant

Selfless givers burnout and get exploited by others.

“Otherish” givers achieve both personal and professional success.

Who do you want to be?

How to Win at Work: Become an “Otherish” Giver

“Whereas people are threatened by successful takers, they root for successful givers.”

— Adam Grant

It pays to be the hero.

A hero is defined by their willingness to sacrifice themselves for others — while never losing sight of their goal.

If Disney’s Hercules first fought every single monster in the world, he would exhaust himself and never manage to save his beloved Meg.

It’s not about the credit or the praise. Help others because it’s meaningful, not because it’s a stepping stone towards a raise or promotion. Helping others without strings attached builds strong, meaningful relationships.

“By contrast, takers and matches tend to create a transactional impression and limit their exchanges to people who seem able to help them.

As a result, givers tend to receive greater support from others and benefit from stronger reputations.”

— Adam Grant

But selfless givers give without strings attached too. How can you ensure that you don’t get exploited?

The key lies in clear boundaries and self-worth.

You‘re not obligated to help others. Help them because actually you want to, not because you feel pressured to do so. Help them because you can offer value and meaningful insight.

You have the right to focus on yourself — Guard yourself against the takers who wish to exploit your kindness as weakness.

To become an “otherish” giver, you must help others without strings attached while never losing track of your own objectives and professional goals.

Think about airplanes. Always put your own oxygen mask on first. Then, you’ll be able to help others without unnecessary risk.

Love yourself first.

It’ll ensure that you have the strength and energy to love others. It’s a delicate, difficult balance. It’s a process that will last the rest of your life.

You may fail.

You may get exploited.

You may burnout.

But the research is there — giving is a winning strategy in work and in life.

The road will be long and challenging. It will bring you immense joy and meaning.

What will you do?

“Givers advance the world.

Takers advance themselves and hold the world back.”

— Simon Sinek